Anyone feeling rejected by their husband?

I'm nine weeks post op lap vag assist hysterectomy. I was ecstatic when Dr released me at six weeks. I wanted to start being normal and be close with my husband. It took a lot of encouraging my husband to have sex the first time. It was nervous and quick, not like normal and apparently the last time we will have ever have it. Maybe he wss nervous, and so was i. It wasnt painful like i worried that it might.
We had a great sex life before surgery, now he doesn't want it at all. I asked if it was different but he denies that. I wonder tho, because it doesn't look nor do we talk about being close again. I have tried talking to him, but subject is changed, avoided, or a million excuses. So, what to do? Our marriage will suffer and possibly fall apart. I'm so cranky already from the hormones, Its hard to deal with everything. Any advice?

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. It could be that he is nervous about hurting you and is aware that you still don't feel your 100%. He might also be nervous about getting you upset. The hole hormone thing and being cranky is not exactly love making stimulating behavior. (Although I can totally relate sometimes I feel like dr. jeckel and mr. hyde LOL) Try to set yourself in the right frame of mind, put something pretty on, and set the mood for your man. Remember men are very visual creatures. Don't stress you will be smiling soon.

I totally agree with setting the mood , Maybe he thinks you don't want it? Or he is a man , Maybe he thinks that you are doing it because he wants to and not because you want it , That and he could very well be scared of hurting you , That shows that he loves you , So no worries about the marriage falling apart!! , Grab you a Sexy nighty , Spritz on some Perfume and light a few candles and then just sit with him and "play" around , That way he sees you WANT him...My husband and I kind of Set the mood through out the day by sending each other Sext messages..LOL!!! It works! Just remember , You are just as beautiful now as you were before the surgery , You've still got it honey , Now use it..You will be back in the saddle so to speak before you know it!

When my cousin was able to return to sex after her surgery her husband told her felt something "scratching" him and irritating him during sex. She went to her doctor and was examined and found that the vaginal cuff was not healing smoothly. The doctor cauterized the area with silver nitrate (commonly done I've learned) and after that everything was fine.

Perhaps your husband has noticed the same thing but is afraid to mention it because he thinks that this is just the way it will be from now on. Worth asking about.

I hope everything works out for you both.

Just a good talking session about it would be just what the doctor ordered...Maybe set us a dinner date or cook his favorite meal and just sit and talk over dinner..

It is like you jumped in my mind. I am only 11 days post-op. I still have my catheter, "Fred". I named him because, well, I was trying to ease my mind about walking around with this lump on my leg. My husband acknowledges it is difficult to joke around and flirt with Fred being present (even if I am dressed). Even worse last night I had an attack of gas which also resulted in diaherra....all over the bed. I had no idea one was giving way to the other until it was too late and I was in such pain I couldn't move either way. I asked him if everything was fine. He grunted. We are very close and he still hasn't spoken to me this morning. Just keep pressing on with words. Men are not known for talking. My husband and I spoke about "after the surgery" and I said it was going to be exciting because we could take our time and rediscover each other. He is open to the idea now....when the time comes I know him well enough to know that he will scared out of his wits. Libido is a very delicate and strange creature. Hormones in the mix don't help because women tend to look at the down side. Last night I felt so totally rejected and it wasn't something I could have known. Now, I feel like why would he even want me? Are you kidding? I am one hot momma! *LOL* You are too. Dinner and talking and seduction are just the tools. I wouldn't serve something non-messy and here's why. If you cook ribs (not too messy) you can ask him to taste sauce on your fingers or taste the sauce on his fingers....goes back to visualizations....Symbolic moves of sexual activity can help ease the transition. Hormones out of whack can mean you smell different also. I learned that from my husband when I pregnant so we forewent some things and found other ways to be together. A couples massage may be a good idea as he will see you can be touched without pain and the relaxed mood can open up the communication window. If you ask him why he doesn't want you or what's wrong he's less likely to respond with more than one or two words. Tell him " I feel since my operation less attractive and worry that our love life is suffering. I would like to change that problem, what can you suggest?" Men are problem solvers. State it without blame and as a problem you are more likely to get a genuine answer and some progress! Good Luck!

My husband too was afraid of getting things going again. He was concerned he would hurt me, or that it was too soon and I wouldn't be healed enough. We finally got back to it, and it was good. I am almost one year post op (Oct 15th 2009). We talked about everything, I even told him last month after my 9 month post op check up, that I hoped he didn't mind that I talk about our sex life with my doctor.....LOL. He said do whatever you need to do to get things good for you. What I really wanted was to get things good enough for HIM. My desire is not where it use to be, but when we are in the midst, I am all His. I also struggled with vaginal dryness that caused pain and burning. Doctor recommended estrogen cream for internal use, and that has really helped. Now I need to get my desire back again!!! I think now that I am not worried about pain and burning I am enjoying it more and wanting it.

Do you think perhaps he doesn't fully understand that it wasn't your vagina they worked on, but the uterus?

I say that for 2 reasons:

1) Some men react this way after seeing their wives give birth.

2) My BF thought they actually had to do something to my vagina to get to the uterus. Even though he KNEW they went in abdominally. He was just clueless until I set him straight. Now he's embarrassed about it. And he's 63. You think he'd know by now.

Just talk to him about his reservations. He just may not fully understand what was actually done and how it was done.

One thing I asked my husband to do was to go with me and ASK questions. He is painfully shy so I usually wound up asking and he would get his answer. My doctor was wonderful in answering all of my husband's concerns. He is patient with us and seems to understand our concerns before we ask them.

Thank u everyone for your support. I'm definitely going to try out those suggestions! I will keep you posted. I'm sure I will have more questions.
Thanks....
bashful72