My worries

Hi. I am worried about how I will care for my daughter when I come out of hospital. She is on the autistic spectrum, she is 4 and just starting school next month.

My dh is toying with the idea of not taking time off, other than when I am in hospital (if at all), he thinks that he can work round things.

I am a bit concerned about this and voiced it to him, but he thinks I will be able to manage if we get a friend or family member to do the school run. That I am only going to be at home with her, it should not be that hard. (This is the man who will not look after her on his own for more than an hour)

I also work part time self employed as a rep for a well known company, which I can not miss an order for. He said he will 'help' with this, but I am not sure how exactly he means he will help. I will need help carrying the things to be delivered and picking up brochures etc. (I might have to get a friend to help with this I feel)

Dh is not very hands on generally in the home, or with care of dd and has not got much patience with our dd, who needs more care than other children her age.

My mother in law says I should put off the surgery until dd is older and that I am being selfish to have it done. but she does not understand how limiting it is to be in a position where you are in back breaking pain all the time and have to spend at least 2 days a month in bed because you can not stand up it is so bad. It has been very bad for about 7 years so far.

I am worried of course about the surgery but these things worry me more, is that silly or odd?

I have not got a date but have been on the waiting list since June. I am from the UK.

I am very familiar with kids that are on the Autism spectrum and all of them need close supervision, lots of love, care and attention. There is no way and I repeat no way that you are going to be up to looking after your daughter on your own after surgery. Please go to our for men support section f the site and give your hubby a few pages to read. He needs to understand this is major surgery and you aren't going to be able to look after her on your own for three to four weeks and that is a best case scenario.

Sweetie, Hugs.
You health is the most important thing.
Tell MIL understand that it is not her decision to make.

I would hire help and charge it to the family income.
Tell DH that is that.

	Quote:
Originally Posted by RoseMartha Hi. I am worried about how I will care for my daughter when I come out of hospital. She is on the autistic spectrum, she is 4 and just starting school next month. My dh is toying with the idea of not taking time off, other than when I am in hospital (if at all), he thinks that he can work round things. I am a bit concerned about this and voiced it to him, but he thinks I will be able to manage if we get a friend or family member to do the school run. That I am only going to be at home with her, it should not be that hard. (This is the man who will not look after her on his own for more than an hour) I also work part time self employed as a rep for a well known company, which I can not miss an order for. He said he will 'help' with this, but I am not sure how exactly he means he will help. I will need help carrying the things to be delivered and picking up brochures etc. (I might have to get a friend to help with this I feel) Dh is not very hands on generally in the home, or with care of dd and has not got much patience with our dd, who needs more care than other children her age. My mother in law says I should put off the surgery until dd is older and that I am being selfish to have it done. but she does not understand how limiting it is to be in a position where you are in back breaking pain all the time and have to spend at least 2 days a month in bed because you can not stand up it is so bad. It has been very bad for about 7 years so far. I am worried of course about the surgery but these things worry me more, is that silly or odd? I have not got a date but have been on the waiting list since June. I am from the UK.

Being worried about all of that is not silly!!!!! I was like that as well. Yes I was worried about the surgery itself, but was more worried about what would happen when I came home.
I can tell you from recent experience that you will need someone 24/7 for about 2-2 1/2 weeks. Your daughter will need lots of attention and you will be sore and tired. I did not think that I would need my hubby to take off work for 2 weeks and looking back I am so thankful that he did. You will not be allowed to pick anything up that is over 5lbs (the limit increased to 10lbs after first check up), getting up and sitting down takes time, you will only be allowed to go & down steps once a day, there are driving rescrictions as well. These are just some of the things that you will go through. Yes, your doctor may put different rescrictions or alter the ones above. I am not trying to make things worse for you, but this is major surgery you are having. You will need help. After my hubby went back to work I still had my older children to help out with things I needed and my 4yr old.
As far as the working, I as well am self employed (avon). I typed a letter to all of my customers explaining the situation and explained that my daughter (14) would be helping me during my recovery. I got what I could ready before hand....typed and printed what I needed done, tried to make things easier for me and my daughter. I would have someone to help you with this for awhile as well.
I would also suggest taking your hubby with you to your next appt with your dr. Maybe he/she can explain how much help you will need. There is also a link on this site that does a great job with husbands (and other family!!!!) with explaining your recovery.
This is surgery is something that you and your dr feels is the best way to get your life back. Dr are not just going to put someone through major surgery if there is alternative.
Best wishes to you!!!! I hope that you make it through this difficult time!!!!!!!!!

Thank you everyone, for your advice and response.

Heather. I am glad you posted about your avon, as that just made me feel better knowing that it is possible to keep it going whilst recovering.

I had been thinking that when i get a date through, i would order in the next two campaign brochures and give my regular customers both books at the same time, explaining the situation. I am glad that something similar worked for you.

I will check out the husband bit and see if I can enourage him to read it.

thanks