hysterical hubby

Hello! This is my first post.. I am scheduled to have a TAH due to enlarged uterus, several fibriods, two that are very large. I have been bleeding for 8 months straight, sex has been aweful, ohhhh the pain of it all. I am grumpy all the time, I am unable to do the things I used to do. I am scared to say the least, my surgery date is May 15. The last week count down has begun. My hubby has been out of control lately, he has been drinking more and been dispondent toward the family. I thought I would draw support from him, and I think he is just as freaked out as I am. I am worried, my medical problem has affected our marriage. We just celebrated our first wedding anniversary. I hope he can handle the stress and my recovery... I hope I can handle him through it... I hope that things return to normal after this is all over...

Welcome to Hystersisters.
I am so sorry you are going through so much. 8 months of bleeding and pain is alot to deal with. It puts a strain on ourselves physically, emotionally, mentally. It also can be a very stressful time for husbands. Sometimes they just have a hard time with their own fears and emotions.
Has he been to any doctor appointments with you? Have you been able to talk openly about what you are going to have done and why?
I hope he understands that for both of you the waiting is almost over. You will have quality of life again. And perhaps in a way you haven't had in a very long time. It is wonderful to feel healthy and strong again and to get your life back. There really is life on the other side and lot's of it. For many women their sexual life is better than ever as the pain of sexual intercourse is gone. The DH's like that part too.
So please hang in there and ask your DH to do the same. You are going to come through this just fine.
Please let us know how you are doing when you get home and are up to posting.

Yes he has been to appointment with me, and is well informed. The closer the date gets the worse things are around here. Thanks for some feed back..

I have had blee ding for 6 moths straigt so I completely understand your misery!!! My husband is also stressing out because of my impendig surgery. He is not drinking but he will sit and not talk and when I finally get him to talk he says something like I'm so afraid youre going to die. What a cheerful thought!! Let me tell you that makes me start to worry and all I want is this to end. Try talking to him and tell him how you feel maybe he'll open up. Good Luck, Courtlyn

(((Dear sparkels)))

I'm so sorry that your husband has reacted to your surgery by drinking. Men sometimes have such a hard time dealing with emotions. He is probably pretty scared, and just doesn't know how to tell you that he is. Is there anyone in the family who can talk to him and explain how much you need his support right now?

You should be feeling so much better once you have healed after your surgery, and that will help with your moods. In my case, our sex life improved because I could enjoy it again.

(((Dear courtlyn)))

It's good that your husband tells you what he's afraid of, but I'm sorry that it has placed an extra emotional strain on you. Please be reassured that although a hysterectomy is major surgery, that the waiting part is the hardest part of it for most women.

You'll both be on the post-op board before you know it - be sure to come back here and let us know how you're doing.

's

Karen

Sparkels,

I'm happy that you have found this site. I understand that you have a crisis at home and i wish i could help you. You already know that your DH is medicating himself. He is trying not to face his fears and it feels like he has become your enemy.
It is good that he has gone to your appointments with you, but as long as he is finding his answers with the drink he may not come around in time for you. Do you have anyone else who will be there for you at surgery time as a back up?
SeeShelly is so right. Try to talk with him again and tell him that although surgery is a scary thing, you are happy to be getting help and this will be the start of a new beginning. He is probably thinking the worst and thinking that if anything happens to you he will not be able to cope. He is not drinking to make you upset, he is drinking to get some relief. If you have the strength give it one more try...all the hugs and I love you's, thank him for his support. Tell him how much he means to you...this may open the door for him to talk.
I am so sorry you are going through this. It is not fair. At a time when you need the support you feel as if you have to support him. Being in pain and filled with worry and fear just adds to the crisis. I wish I could help you.
Send me a personal message if you would like to talk. My email is not working.
Please let us know how it goes...

My thought are with you, Maralyn

Wanted to throw in some

s

for all who need them!

I want to thank you all for your replies! You have no idea how much it means to me to hear from you. The hubby is trying to come around, he is not a complete ***.. Only every other day. Yesterday was his day to be one of those. This morning he just called and it felt like "he was back". Full of apologies, and wanting to make it up to me. He did admit how frightened he is, and also admitted that he is not handling the situation well. I started crying (I do that a lot these days) when I read your post Maralyn because you are sooooo correct, I do feel like I am having to take care of him and support him when I am the one who needs him to be there for me right now. You hit the nail on the head with that one. I am thanking God right now that there are only 4 more days to go, then I can be on the other side!! I am looking forward to post-op and returning to normal life. Yes, I do have additional support, my mother lives near, and my daughter is 11 and very helpful. Again, thank you so much for your input! You are appriciated!!

Good news to hear, . There may be more ups and downs before your surgery but you are going to make it and so is he. He recognizes his fear and his misplaced behavior, so in my book, it's great news. Later... think about planning a get away..a special time after recovery, after you've tried out the new you! Looking forward to the future event may help you both.

I really feel better..so glad that you posted. Isn't it strange how pain and fear can change us all? I want the best for you. Hang in there the worst part is almost over. I will keep you in my thoughts on the 15th. Will look for your post after your surgery.
Warmest wishes and
Maralyn

Dear Sparkels4u65,

I have exactly the same issues with my husband but we have been married for 19 years. He doesn't drink but what he does is fall into a deep state of depression. I also have two teenaged boys, 14 and 16 who both have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and other learning & emotional problems. :cry:

My husband wasn't always like this. The past 5 years or so have brought so much stress and so many problems into our lives that we have both fallen into a state of depression. My husband does take medications (three different kinds) and sees a DR but so far we have not found that "magic pill" to fix everything.

Anyway, back to the point I was trying to make! We both end up vying with each other for who has the most problems or the worst problem or the right to be the most depressed. I know this sounds silly! I've come to understand, it's a cry for attention. Usually, as a woman, I'm the one to put my problems aside and focus my attention on his.

I understand you can't do that in this situation, as I too, am facing the same dilemma, my surgery is June 13th. I would suggest having your Mom ready as a back-up for your recovery time. Maybe the "shame" of not being there for you when you need him most will knock some sense into him!

If you would like to :email: me, please feel free to do so. I can't fix your problems but can certainly understand.

Hope things get better...... A big to you.

: Lauren