Seriously?!?!?! What is DH thinking???

this whole thing is happening at my house too!...in fact it is *I* who set up my TVH for a week after an important speech I have to give; which coinicides with the week after DH's work trip to Canada. I have no kids, but I'll be alone the whole week before hand. Here's what I plan: After my speech I am going to my sister's house. She is a no nonsense lady who had had a TAH for Cancer 5 years ago and who has the rare gift of being able to be upbeat in any situation. We will shop, I am going to buy new panties and new lingerie and maybe a sweet jogging type suit to wear when my tummy is still a little sore but I want something stretchy that is still a little cute. I plan to spoil myself *rotten* that week, always easier to do when DH is gone: Take out every day? no problem! Don't eat at all? no problem! It's all about me, baby!

I like the idea of having a little spoil coming my way. Maybe by reframing it this way, you can find something positive in your alone time for you too?
Maybe have a real princess week? It's just a thought...

Hugs hugs!
BB

Gosh, I am so sorry to hear that your hubby is not being more supportive. I must be married to Prince Charming! He'd do anything for me while I am down. I'm going to have to beat him off with a stick. But back to you, I don't know what to do when they just don't get it. You HAVE to sit down with him and have a frank talk with him. Guys can't read minds for some reason so you will have to just tell him what you need him to do for you. Hope this helps.

Maybe I'm the oddball out here -- and yes it seems he's a lug when it comes to his career.... BUT.... I'm an HR manager and jobs won't wait until after a surgery. My husband will be out of town the whole week before my date (but I only have a 17 yr old daughter and a 10 month old pup to contend with -- not little ones) returning home Sunday before my 5:30 a.m. Monday appt. At first I was annoyed but that won't help matters any. I will be busy getting ready and I'm making him a "honey do" list to do the weekend before he leaves. He's agreed as long as I don't nag (no, he didn't say it like that but I know he's probably praying that I don't!) Plus -- and here is the kicker -- I have a job interview the Wed before my Monday surgery date. As if I don't have enough to worry about myself... now I have that to contend with. I might be swapping jobs while I am off work recuperating.

It's crazy and hectic and scary all at once but I figure that that old saying about what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger is probably not far from the truth.

So words of reassurance -- I too will be alone in the days prior contending with my 12 hour workday and a job interview... What I want most to do is hire a maid to get the house spic and span.

I know that I work better when I have a plan so that I feel things are organized. So I've started a plan by day for the 10 days prior to my date. Things to do. Cross them off as I go. And this will help keep me sane (or close) as my magical date approaches.

I am sorry that you are feeling frustated with your sitaution. Really I am. But we'll get through this... and then we'll be posting on the PostOp board!

Pam I am sorry to hear that your hubby is not using his head, do as the others suggest see if there is someone who can help with the kids and give you a break. I am not married but live with my boyfriend and my 3 sons and I worry about how they are going to be after my surgery and before. My boyfriend is already planning on going hunting a few days before my surgery which means he is going to miss my preop appt. so I asked my mom to go with me instead, but I made him promise to come home the day before surgery and be home for awhile after, my oldest son can also help as well as my other 2, I am just real scared. I hope everything turns out for you and hopefully your hubby if he gets the new job can wait to move so you can have plenty of time to recover, make sure he understands that, make it crystal clear. Good luck.

Pam, I feel your pain. My husband took 2 days off work after my surgery. Dh & best friend own businesses together, so his career is very important to him. We also have 3 children & since they were little, there's been many times when I feel more like a single mother. He is a good person who truly loves me & the kids, but he is also clueless. His intentions are always good & done for the love of the family, but I think some men forget that the emotional/companionship side of the relationship is just as important. Men just don't seem to be wired for emotion. They are the providers, the women are the caretakers. Try talking to your dh & make him aware how you feel. The last thing you need is to go to surgery under emotional stress.
Here's a suggestion for you to consider, this worked for me: before my surgery I made arrangements with 3 of my girlfriends. Each friend took 1 child for 5 days. That gave me the day b/f the surgery & 4 days to recover w/o worry. This worked out great for me & the kids enjoyed sleeping at their best friends houses. I am lucky to have a great network of friends & we constantly play 'musical children' to help each other out. If you can, see if you can lean on some of your friends. Your rest & recovery is very important & you only have 1 chance to heal properly.
My heart goes out to you & I hope everything works out for you.

Penny -

I know your scared! I was but I can honestly tell you 1 week out, I'm already so glad I did this. My fibroids were far worse than anyone had thought (and from the volume of marble sized ones, were going to be much worse) and honestly, I am more comfortable lying now than I was most of the 6 weeks pre-op (walking/standing/sitting obviously are still painful but I see the future and it is bright!).

My saving 'tools' have been the additional 4 pillows I bought, my laptop and my peppermint tea (and ofcourse my mom). The single thing that I learned that helped me the most was to get on my left side with regards to gas and it improves in 10 minutes. The other thing I found was that once the staples were out, I felt considerably less 'surface' pain. The nurse had told me this but I didn't believe her - I was wrong not to.

Feel free to ask anything that you are nervous about, I am glad to answer what I can.

Julie (Southfield, MI)

Sorry to hear that your husband has to go to an interview before your surgery. But the company porbably wants to do the interviewing and hire someone by the end of that week. I know you have kids to take care of, but better for him to go before the surgery then afterwards. Good luck to you for your surgery, and good luck to your husband for his interview. He is looking for a better job which is important and brings in money.