No Sympathy!

My mom and I were discussing Christmas. I told her I may be absent as my TAH is 3 weeks prior. She laughed and said "for pete's sake, you won't be in bed then, heck, I was up and cooking the next day after mine". (well duh, that's because she has a husband who wouldn't help). I may not be in bed, but who says I will want to dress and leave my house? People just don't understand. If I am laid up more than a week, oh how terrible, because I must be LAZY.

I'm sorry MsDee. It's tough when our relatives can't seem to understand how we feel, or that our recovery may not go as well as their's, their friends, or this person they heard of who was fine the next day.... (not that anyone is, but it seems like that's what you hear a lot.) Any chance she was just trying to make you feel better, and encourage you that you'll be feeling better soon?

Oh my goodness! Your mom sounds like some other women I encountered. First of all, this is your turn. Just because she made the mistake of not caring for herself, does not mean you should. Some people tend to forget how awful they felt in their pride in overcoming. Secondly, listen to your body and your doctor. In fact, discuss it with your doctor so he/she will know what you are up against as far as support goes. Your DR. may make some strong recommendations directly to your hysterheros. Third. by my third week, I was more active, but very careful to not do too much. You may find that joining your family for a couple of hours may improve your outlook on recovery and exhaust you at the same time.

Boy can I relate to your "no sympathy"! My mother is a retired ob nurse so she thinks I can just bounce right back like others shes seen and take care of everything in less than a week! I've figure she has seen so much of this, she has a hard time having any sympathy, its more like a part of her job. Not only my mom but I'm so use to the "no sympathy" thing because I've been ill for over four years with multiple auto immune diseases. Of course these diseases don't really show on the outside so alot of family members can't understand pain and suffering they can't physically see! My husband is still in denial about my health because you see I have always been the strong one in our family for 19 years of marriage, I have taken care of everything and truly I haven't minded because he works so hard, 12 to 16 hours a day to take care of us financially, I've just always done everything else, including raising our two boys most of their life. He can't seem to admit I am not "Super Woman". I do have weakness due to my diseases. Oh well, I'm so sorry you are having to deal with No Sympathy! I wish you all the best!!

MsDee, I hardly knew what to believe. My mom told me the same thing, that she was up and doing yard work days after her TAH/BSO.

otoh, her friend came to visit me a few days after my surgery and the friend told me that she'd been in bed for two straight weeks after hers.

I was somewhere in between those two extremes.

i had a TAH on sept 18, but the week before on sept 10 i had to have an excisional biopsy to remove atypical ductal hyperplaysia. luckily it was all benign.
my gyn wants me now to take premarin and i am scared because of the deal with my breast. i told him i would try it for 6 months but i am so worried about it. any advice??

I'm sorry that you are feeling dismissed. Just because mom was up and about quickly dosent mean that you will (or SHOULD)! You need to do what is best for YOU!!! I do have to say, tho, that slowly (that's the operative word) getting active is good for you and helps your body to heal (in other words if you can move around a bit without overdoing it do so! It is something that you alone must decide. Listen to what your body tells you. You will probably very tired for a while after the surgery and this is normal. If you can't get a lil sympathy from mom you can always come here to your sistas!

I wonder if people do think they are being encouraging when they say things like that??? My aunt told me that she went back to work in three weeks and felt fine, and was saying maybe her daughter could come down and stay with me at the end of November. I got really overwhelmed because I not sure I am going to be up to company by then. I don't like being compared to other people and their recovery time. I'm with you, where is the sympathy, and empathy from people.

I am sorry you aren't getting the support you need from your family. I ended up doing too much the first 3 weeks, due to a surprise guest who was stopping by for a couple of days (ended up being 3 weeks) I got very little rest, I finally had to ask her to find other accommodations.
I had a TVH and rectocele, even with no stitches or incisions on the outside I stayed swollen and in pain for longer than I should have. .
It is so important to pamper you, regardless of what others have experienced after their surgeries. You are a unique person and you will heal on your schedule not theirs...sorry for the soap box rant. Please listen to your body, it is your one and only chance to heal right the first time

Dear MISS DEE, I truly empathise with you. My mother in law said that after she had her hysterectomy she was up and about almost immediately, and that it's your positive attitude that lends itself to a speedy recovery. What she omitted to tell me was that a few years later she had a prolapsed bladder. Now that may not be due to her not resting properly but ???? Now I'm all for being positive, but it does need help and you do need to rest. You will have untold stitches inside that are holding your bits together and your bits need to stay in the same place your surgeon put them. So it is imperative that you do as you have been advised. I am now 3 weeks into my recovery. Mentally I feel ok and my brain is telling me to take on the world but my body is saying something entirely different. Your recovery is so important and it is what you do now could affect you in later life. I apologise for the rant but please take heed.