How much help will I need? And for how long?

I know I'm not supposed to mention kids, but I can't ask my question if I don't. I have a 4-year-old who is very demanding, and an 11-month-old who wouldn't be so demanding, except, well, he's 11 months old. I know I won't be able to lift him for a while. How do I cope? My MIL wants to keep him for a month, but I am depressed enough about no longer being able to have children. I can't survive without my last baby for that long. Really, everybody says my 4-year-old will be a "big help," but she's the one who would be hardest to keep. What to do? need advice
I will be having TAH on Feb. 16

Maybe to help MIL could bring herself over during the day to stay with you and the kids. Or at least bring them over for several hours a few times a week gradually leaving them for alone time with mommy. I wanted my kids home the night I got home too since I did not see them while I was in the hospital. That was my choice. I wanted to wait until i was moving around pretty good as not to scare or worry them. My children are not as young as yours but my husband stayed home for the first 3 weeks with me. I am now 5 weeks and just really starting to be able to do things like cooking the meals and some light housework. But i also think it will do you good to have your children with you during your healing period. I was pretty emotional during the first few weeks.

Best wishes

Thanks. I am 31 too!
Thanks for the advice!

Hi
I just wanted to let you know that I am in a similar situation as I have 4 kids, the eldest are 16 and 15 but the younger ones are 6 and 9 months! My hubby is stayin home with me for 3 weeks then I am takin the baby and going to stay with my mum for a couple of weeks then I shall return but hubby will have another 2 weeks off! I am so lucky that his work are a big corporate organisation that are keen to give compassionate leave! He has to use up a few weeks holiday but they are giving him 3 weeks compassionate! I know exactly how you are feeling about it all, I am having repair work done too and will not be able to lift my baby for a few months, this will break my heart as she is my only girl and I have waited so long for her! But we are so lucky to have these little angels, so many of the ladies here will never have a baby of their own to hold.
I just wanted to say you are not alone, I am only in my 30's too. Big hugs and good luck.
Alison

Hi.

I understand your concerns. My trip to the castle is next week.

Sure, you don't want to be away from anyone in your family for very long. The above suggestions are great.

Here are some tips for not lifting:

Change his diaper while he is laying on the floor (instead of lifting him onto a changing table)

Feed him while sitting on the kitchen floor (instead of lifting him into a high chair)---your 4 year old will probably get a kick out of this, make it an indoor picnic!

Divide a gallon of milk into 3 or 4 smaller containers (or into several sippy cups and/or bottles).

Use an empty laundry basket for "stuff" that needs to be put away by someone else (toys, blankets, mail, etc.) This way it's not scattered all over the house or the floor and someone can take care of putting everything where it belongs.

Yes, your 4 year old can be a helper. Can she reach things like diapers and then hand them to you? Can she get her brother a toy or a blanket if he needs one?

Accept all the help you feel comfortable with, but communicate with your mother in law about what the boundaries should be about her taking the kids overnight.

Is there a teenage babysitter who can come over for an hour once or twice a week after school to help you rest in the late afternoon?

I'll be in your shoes in 1 week.

Sending you peaceful thoughts.

L

Awesome ideas! Thank you! I am printing them out as I type!