Call me dummy....

I'm almost 5 months post op and was released by the surgeon at just under 6 weeks.

"You've healed nicely. Have a good life."

And that's exactly what I set out to do. Up until two weeks ago, I had no real (or imagined) issues.
I had what I thought was the beginnings of a yeast infection, so I bought that nasty tube of cream and used it for two days before I realized it was something different than any yeast infection I'd ever had before.

I was having so much pain when I tried to urinate it was unbelieveable! Wiping brought tears to my eyes. I had a bit of an itch, but no discharge you'd normally see with yeast....and no burning.

When it got to the point I didn't want to use the bathroom anymore, I called the surgeon (on my doctor's advice), who had me come in immediately to make sure it wasn't anything related to the surgery.

The first thing they asked was if I had had a PAP test done since the surgery.
Well no. Was I supposed to? I thought PAP tests were done to basically check you for cervical cancer and since I no longer have a cervix and I wasn't given instructions to have one done......

The doctor asked me the same thing when he came in the room. By now I'm feeling like I'm not in Kansas anymore. I mean, wasn't this the same man who cut me loose without a kiss?

Back to the original problem.
The doc took some swabs and prescribed me a steroid cream because he thought maybe I had a chemical burn.
Long story short, I'd been out of town and run out of clean undies, so I washed them out in the hotel sink with shampoo.
He said, if the cream worked, then that's what it was. And it started working by the next day.

Live and learn. Or so I thought.

My phone rang three days after I'd gone in to see the doctor and it ended up being his receptionist.
She called to tell me the results of the swabs came back and I had tested positive for herpes.

HERPES???? Where the heck did that come from? I mean, I know where it comes from, but WHERE did it come from??? And why now?
I've been with the same guy for over 9 years and never had any kind of problems before.
She didn't have the answers, of course. She just asked where I'd like my prescription called into and I told her.
She then tells me, when I have sex in the future, I'll have to use condoms because you can spread herpes even if you don't have an outbreak.

Well, what do you do if you're allergic to condoms? I'll tell you what you do.

You walk into the store and, being the sophisticated woman of our times, head straight for the condom aisle. You take one look at the 30 different brands and the 8 different sizes that come in (pun not intended) a multitude of colors, textures, whathaveyou, and start crying.
I'm thinking, "Well, I think he's a large, but what if large is too big. He'll be embarrassed and so will I." or "What if I get medium and he wears an extra large? That really wouldn't be a good time to find out."

*sigh*
So, I walk out empty handed when I remember I haven't even told him yet and he's probably going to kick me to the curb anyway....and I sure won't have to worry about anybody else because who's going to want me now?

I really was looking forward to enjoying my new lease on life since the hyst and now this has thrown me into a brick wall without warning. Is life really this unfair or do I have this horrible black cloud following me everywhere I go?

I know there are other sisters out there who are dealing with this because I did a search earlier. Can someone please tell me how you came to terms with this and how it's affected your life (sex or otherwise)?

Hi,

Bless you heart, you've had a load to deal with! What a shock!

I'm sure your doctor suggested this, but you need to have your partner tested for herpes. It's possible that he may be infected too, and if so, he'll need to be treated as well.

My heart goes out to you. I hope you'll get some relief and answers soon.

s,

Lisa

Believe it or not, the doctor did NOT suggest my partner get tested. The doctor didn't even bother to call me....he had his receptionist call.

They gave me a prescription for Valtrex (21 of them cost me $80, even with insurance!) and didn't tell me anything else at all. I was too in shock to ask any questions.

This all couldn't have come at a worst time because I've been making plans to leave my boyfriend.
On top of all this, I've since found out that my boyfriend has had herpes all this time and never bothered to tell me.....until now.
When I told him the doctor had given me pills, he asked if they were the blue ones!
Red flags went up immediately and I started asking questions.

His comment was, "After all these years, I thought you were immune."
Somehow, I get the feeling he did this intentionally, thinking I wouldn't leave.

But that's a whole other story. It's too late to cry over spilt milk. Now I have to learn how to deal with something that will be with me for the rest of my life.

Please ladies....any suggestions are welcome.

Tab, life stinks, doesn't it?

I've been fighting genital herpes for 15 years. When I'm not taking Valtrex, it's nothing for me to be broken out 2-4 times a MONTH, not a year like most people. So, 2-4 times a month for 15 years really takes its toll emotionally. Depression is common (as you're finding out right now), and I'm not being melodramatic when I say that there were times I felt like ending it all just because I was so tired of fighting it. My doctor says I evidently either have a very virulent strain or my body just can't fight if off.

When my daughter was born almost 13 years ago, I had to have a C-section because I was broken out in lesions. My husband and I can't have spontaneous sex. If he gets in the mood, I have to say, "Just a minute; I'll have to go check and make sure I'm well." If I only had a dime for every time I've had to say that. Lots of time when we're having sex, I'm worried that maybe I'm broken out and I just don't know it and it's being spread all over the place. TMI here....I'm uncomfortable with him putting his hands there, and oral sex is a thing of the long ago past. And by the way, we do not use condoms. It's true that wearing one is the best way to keep from spreading it to your partner, but we always make sure there are no active lesions or even a hint that there's a lesion trying to form. And, since he also has it now (but breaks out maybe once every couple of years), he doesn't really worry about being exposed anymore.

About a month and a half before my hyster, I asked my doctor for a prescription for Valtrex, which he's prescribed in the past. I wanted to make sure I wasn't broken out during surgery. I've been taking a half tab every day (since December) and I haven't broken out at all. I'm going to ask my doctor how long I can take it, and I'll probably take it until he won't let me.

Please remember that mine is an extreme case, but I've learned in my own way how to live with it. I've read some of the research which suggests that the sooner after diagnosis that you take Valtrex, the better your chances that your later outbreaks will not be as frequent or as severe, so there's a good chance that you started it early enough that you won't have much trouble.

Here are a few tips in dealing with it. Exercise, get plenty of rest, and learn how to deal with stress because stress is a big trigger. Certain foods tend to cause outbreaks, like chocolate and nuts that contain high levels of the amino acid arginine. I found a website not long ago that give a long listing of foods and how much arginine vs. lysine was in each food. If I find it again, I'll send it to you. I take L-lysine supplements when I'm not taking Valtrex, and it seems to help.

The hardest lesson to learn is to not blame yourself for having this disease. I can't tell you how many times I told myself that it must have been payback for something I'd done in my life. It's easy to feel worthless and alone when you're fighting herpes. You feel like no one understands. You wonder what you did to deserve it. Sister, just remember that it's not your fault. Don't let this nasty disease define who you are.

Sorry to ramble, but I don't talk about my little secret very often. If you need some support from someone who's been there, you can e-mail or message me any time. I'm be thinking about you. And for what it's worth, your boyfriend doesn't deserve you. I can't believe he would deliberately expose you to it without your knowledge. You deserve better.

First of all you are not alone. Herpes is alot mory common then you may think. My understanding of herpes (after the shock of my initial diagnosis 4 years ago) is that you can contract the virus at any point in time in your life, and it may lay dorment for many, many years. I believe I contracted it in my prior non-monogomous years, and it finally showed its ugly self late in life. My Dr. agreed. As a result I have also been diagnosised with HPV, which was the beginning of my long bout with dysplasia, and finally my TVH. As for how I currently deal with it, well, I have had very few outbreaks since the first, and my husband has been totally supportive. As for having him tested, well, we decided to opt against it, as all in all there was nothing he could do to treat it, and unless he has an outbreak (it is a virus, so only symptoms can be treated), he couldnt do anything anyway. As for your partner, I think it is just a matter of being honest and understanding, and I hope for your sake he is. If he is worried about getting it, then of course condoms are necessary. The truth though is, he may already have it, not knowing, because who knows how long you have had it, right? All in all, I hope you dont suffer the outbreaks too often (stress provokes them), and you can accept the fact that you are not alone. I dont know if you have a sexual history prior to your 9 year partner, or if he does or not, but you can be pretty sure one of you borught it to the relationship and it wasnt the washing your undies with shampoo that did it. Good luck with the next couple of weeks getting used to it, Ihope you do. It does get easier, so dont be too hard on yourself.

Wow....after my last reply, I read your next message, and the other responses you got. I am sorry to hear your boyfriend was so mis-leading to you after soooo long. I must say, what a coward, and a heal to have kept you in the dark. The consequenses of genital herpes for women is so much worse. He soooo should have told you!!! It sounds like the relationship is ending anyway, but I know it is still very hard. Nothing like being dealt with a double blow all at the same time. My heart goes out to you Tab. Take care of yourself now, thats all you can do. i am fortunate my situation is not as severe as an other's who shared with you, and I hope yours will be less as well. I know some women have it very hard. some of the advice I read here was very good though, so keep in touch here, I beleive it will be helpful.

Thank you both so much for your courage in coming here and talking about this. I've hesitated to post about it for almost two weeks now because I was so embarrassed. Still am, but I know keeping silent is not going to get me anywhere.

I cannot imagine having to go through this as often as twice per month and I suppose it's too much to hope for that this will be my one and only outbreak.
The Valtrex gives me terrible headaches, but I'll suffer with them to get rid of the other pain.

I'm curious.....do the outbreaks occur in the same location everytime? I ask this because I had no warnings, just woke up one morning and it hurt to urinate, then got real itchy as the day progressed. I had no sores or anything like that....inside or out, as the doctor did an exam when I went in and didn't see anything.

If you don't have sores, can you still pass it along?
What are the symptoms that you're about to have an outbreak?

As for my boyfriend doing this intentionally. Things like this are why I decided to start looking for my own place. It shouldn't surprise me that he'd do this, but you just never want to think the worst of people. Especially someone you've been with so long.

When I was a teen, herpes was the worst thing you could get and people really talked bad about those who had it. I know HIV is the worst now, but I still feel that stigma of being "contaminated".

There is a national herpes hotline, I believe. I don't know the number but I've heard it advertised in public service announcements on the radio. Long distance information might have it. The counselors there could probably really help with your questions. I was sorry to read that you were having such troubles. Just remember this is a virus and it is a problem,but it doesn't have to define your life and who you are as a person. Take good care of yourself as I've also heard that stress can be a definite trigger. I really hope you feel better soon.

Tab, first of all, the Valtrex gives me horrible headaches, too, and seems to upset my stomach a bit. I always take it with food, and I cut the tablet in half and only take a half tab a day. Doing that, I don't have stomach upset or headaches.

Second, I know it sounds scary, but after your initial outbreak, the herpes virus retreats to your nervous system and lurks there for the rest of your life. When triggered, it travels along the nerve pathways right back to where you've been broken out before and causes the external vesicles. Of course, it's also possible for it to spread to another site if the fluid from the burst vesicles gets elsewhere on your skin. As a side note, chicken pox and shingles are also in the herpes family (herpes zoster), and chicken pox does the same thing as the other herpes. It hides until triggered and then causes shingles. My question is the old one.....if they can put a man on the moon, why can't they find a cure for the herpes virus?

I can almost always tell if I'm getting ready to break out because the area will either tingle, get itchy, or even sometimes feel tight or very sensitive. If you start taking the Valtrex as soon as you suspect you might be breaking out, you can greatly reduce the amount of time the lesions will be there.

Theoretically, you can give herpes to someone else even if you are exhibiting no symptoms, but personally, I feel it's unlikely. The greatest danger of infecting someone else is any time from the "feeling" that you're getting ready to break out all the way through the sore being completely healed. My husband and I have been very careful about when we have sex and don't use condoms, and even as much trouble as I've had with it, he only breaks out in one spot, so I'm evidently not giving it to him in between my breakouts.

Chin up, Tab. I know this is a really difficult time for you, but I have heard of individuals who had only one breakout. And I completely understand how you feel about how judgmental some people are when they find out you have it. People still ask me why I ended up having a C-section, and I always just say that I had an infection and couldn't deliver vaginally for fear of infecting the baby. And when I have doctors' appointments and so on and they ask what meds I'm taking, I cringe everytime I tell them Valtrex and the nurse doesn't know what it's for and has to ask what it treats.

I'm still thinking about you and hoping for the best for you in this AND in your situation with your boyfriend.

Ummm, I hate to throw doubts on your boyfriend here, but if he's had herpes for nine years, you would have gotten it a long, long time ago.

A more plausible explaination is that he's picked it up elsewhere more recently, then passed it on to you.

You should also get tested for HIV, because it sounds like maybe dear boyfriend has been straying. And be sure to use condoms from here on out - no telling what else he hasn't been telling you.

s,

Lisa