What Am I Not Getting About My Husband?

I think from how you described him, your husband obviously loves you very much. I think everyone feels differently about surgery or procedures (thats how I referred to my LAVH) I felt the opposite of how you are. I went in knowing everything would be fine, no big deal. A lot of people like to deal with things like that, everyone is different. I think if you just explain from the heart how you are really feeling he will get it. Like my hubby has to remind me, they can't read our minds : ) Beat wishes to you. I am sending positive thoughts your way! You a going to do GREAT!

Oh honey I can understand but I did things differently my partner of 26 years hates hospitals with a passion he himself had surgery as a small child and it got to him as did the births of our 2 boys 16 and 4. He didn't want me to have the op he just thought constant tablets would help. Even thought my surgery was elective I told him the surgeon said it was best. Anyway as I had to be at hospital for 7-30am I chose to stay at my parents the night before and mum took me in. It also stated no visitors post op on day of surgery so he looked after the boys and visited later with my mum and eldest. He knows what I have had done is major but he doesn't understand what I have had done after all he didn't know periods would stop ect as he never asked me anything. You need to do what's best for you. If you feel he should have the day off far dos tell him but to be fair you will be so drowsey afterwards it may not be fair on you. I had a aunt visit the day of op they let her in but I was talking like I was drunk lol. Hugs to you

Because of issues I have with pain meds & anesthesia, I really wanted someone with me to "direct traffic" at the hospital. I was very specific with DH about what to look for and how to handle problems.
Well, I did have problems, and he didn't do anything. Thank God, DD was there when things got really bad. She had to argue with nurses repeatedly about what I needed, even when I was bleeding from the IV!
I knew DH was a wimp, but had hoped, with all the instructions, he would step up. He comes across as having it all together, NOT!
You need to have someone there who will look out for you, he may not be the person you need.
Good Luck.

I haven't read the other responses but I do know from past experience and multi surgical support groups in my own past... A lot of men, when faced with something like this, shuts down out of fear. THEY don;t realize they are doing it and will deny it but I think it's a men's defense mechanism. The weight of what the surgery really is...truely eludes them.

hang in there. I am glad he came around!

This is what my boyfriend says,
When a couple has committed to be with each other as partners, it is up to both of them to be responsible for themselves and for each other. When a person has surgery, they are put in a position that they may not be fully aware of what is happening as a result of anesthesia or use of heavy pain medications. These things prevent the person from making conscious and rational decisions. It is up to the other partner to take over that role to be the responsible and supportive person until their partner has the ability to make conscious and rational decisions.
Simply tell these men to get off their duff, take control of the situation as though it is their own life that is in its most vulnerable state. They owe it to their partner to take that responsibility so that all their partner must do is heal as comfortably as possible.

over many years and disappointments i have learned that i cannot count on that kind of support from my dh, ie if i ask him to drive me to the hospital i'm not sure that he won't forget or that something else will come up and he is unable to. i think he is attention deficit and so just can't be counted on. so i do things on my own, dr visits etc and when i really need someone ie- the day of the operation, i get my 80 year old dad to take me or my sil. i did ask him to take me home from the hosp but he did not because i was let out a day early...he couldn't arrange work on such short notice blah blah...i did yell and cry once i was home about how disappointed i was that he couldn't manage even that, nor did he take time off to look after me, then he got the message and actually was very helpful and caring.
hope this puts things in perspective for you.
all relationships are different and if i didn't adapt to this we would be divorced instead of 30 years married. some things are worth adapting for.

Oh my! Reading what some of you have gone through make me realize how lucky I am! My heart goes out to those of you who have requested specific action and not received it.

When I was clear about what I wanted there was no resistance. He follows through on things so that's not a concern. He doesn't like hospitals, but nothing out of the ordinary. He admits to being worried and scared about the seriousness of what will be done and whether the house is really set up so that it will work for me when I get home.

As far as I can determine, the issue is a difference in focus. I was looking for a particular symbolic expression of love, affection, caring. In other words, I wanted him to do what I've done had the positions been reversed. He's a lot more worried about after-care than I am, so he wanted to minimize time away from his students beforehand in case he needs to take off time post-surgery.

I'm not overtly upset or fearful about having a hysterectomy or about surgery in general. I do think that my fear of undetected pathologies, etc. is manifesting itself in begin hyper sensitive and emotional about almost everything and everyone.