TLH: What did you tell your kids? 12 year old girl?

Hi

My kids know I'm having surgery to help me feel better but my 12 year old girl wants more info. It's hard to explain how a surgery is going to help mom's joint pain etc. (My anemia has been so bad that all my bones ache etc.) I think she will be devastated if I told her the truth that I could not have more kids. She has been praying for a sister for about six years......

What would you do?

Hello Garen07,
Only you know what your child can and can not handle. Each child is very different in what, and how, they handle things.

For example, my biological son at 12 knew and understood most things medical and biological and could deal with almost any accident or emergency (I had to have two surgeries around that time). BUT, my step child at that age would have had a conniption fit or some odd reaction (to be fair, he was an "odd" child with issues).

Now, at 19 my son just sloughs off most things like this, rolls his eyes and says "TMI MOM!" But I believe that much of his "nothing to worry about, be quiet" attitude is because he was such a curious child at such a young age (plus he had a 135 IQ in grade 3! WHOLLLLLLLLE 'nother challenge!)

So, IF you decide to speak with her regarding this, I would recommend leaving out the details (unless she asks questions), keeping your answers to her questions short and concise. Best bet is to explain that for your health and quality of life, that you and your doctor have explored all possibilities and feel that this is your best chance for a more normal pain free life.

*HUGS* and good luck!!

Thank you !

You're welcome.

*hugs*

You also don't have to tell her everything now. At 12, she'll be hitting puberty fairly soon if she hasn't already. Over the next six years or so, she's going to have questions about what her own body is doing, and these may lead to questions about what happened with your body. You have some time to decide what information you want to share and when you want to share it.

My daughter will be 12 next month. I ask her if she understood what was happening, she grew up watching medical shows. She said she kind of did. I ask her if she had any questions, and she said no. If she asks, I will answer, don't want to give her more info then she's ready for.

My kids are 12, 8 and 6. I told them mommy has to have her womb removed because it is t working right anymore and it's making me sick. My 12 year old son asked more questions and I answered honestly. I focused on what I'd gain post-op (no more anemia! More energy) and they seemed to understand.

I have 2 kids a 14 year old daughter and 7 year old son. I told my 14 year old daughter the whole procedure in detail. I told me 7 year old son I was having my uterus removed and when he asked what that was I just said it was a part in a womans tummy that babies stay until they are born. I also focused on what I would gain post op and that seemed to help as they have both seen me go through hell and back the last year and they know how much this is affecting my quality of life.

I agree with the other sisters. Keep it medical and simple terms. Details should be left out. You could say something like "I need to have a surgery that will help me stay healthy so we can do fun things together". "Because of the surgery I cannot have anymore babies but that is OK because I have you". In my experience with kids if they think you are OK with it then it helps them be OK with it.

Blessings and hugs to you.

I told my 12 year old exactly what was happening as far as my uterus and stuff being removed. I did not offer up any details about my cervix being removed and she didn't ask.

My 8 year old just knows I'm having surgery to help me get better and not be in pain anymore.

They both already know I can't have more babies as I had my tubes done when I had their brother 20 months ago.

Hope that helps! Although I do think you should let her know there won't be any more babies, as I don't like to have my kids wishing for something that can never happen, but that's just me.