how to explain being unsociable

Hello ladies:
I have a bit of a problem here, and I know that some of you will be able to relate.

How do you nicely tell people that you just don't feel up to going out, having coffee, or chatting? Personally I feel awful right now. I'm in pain, and I'm exhausted, but a friend just called and said he's coming to meet me for coffee. I've already put him off 3 times in the past couple of weeks, and he just wouldn't take no for an answer.

AAAAAUUUGGHHHH. I just want to be left alone. I don't feel like making smalltalk. I don't feel like chitchatting about trivial junk. I want to be left alone.

I also don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I want to wear a big sign on my chest that says "HEY, I DON'T FEEL WELL....TALK TO ME IN AUGUST. TILL THEN LEAVE ME ALONE!" Wouldn't that look cute with a skirt????

You, my sisters are the only people I want to talk to right now. You understand. I can even whine and you all just reach out with a little pat on the hand saying "there there now Tam it will be ok". Call me a big baby, but that's how I feel.

Anybody else? OR am I just being a little over-the-top here?

s
Tam

I completely understand. It's all I can do is come to work. I find myself impatient with people when they are trying to be nice. But I'm with you right now I just want left alone too. I don't mean to be a grump...but for now I don't want to go anywhere

Take care,

Lonny

I feel the same way, too. I'm just too tired and stressed to be sociable. It's all I can do to be nice to my family, much less anybody else! You're not alone....I promise!

Jenny, 32
My princess day is one week from today!

I completely understand. I'm so exhausted these days that by noon I feel like my day is over and I drag myself through the rest of the day.

I have found that if I don't explain myself to people they are left to make their own interpretations of what's going on with me. Sometimes that has meant that they think I'm angry, or ignoring them, or that they did something to offend me. So, to be sure people understand I've decided what I feel comfortable sharing and then I explain myself.

For instance...if that were my friend wanting to go out for coffee...I"d say, " I'm really glad you asked because I've been missing a chance to catch up with you and chat, unfortunately I'm really struggling with pain right now and the pain does make me feel like the enegry is drained out of me. I would like to look forward to some time together when I'm feeling better, which unfortunaly might not be until after surgery. Would that work out okay with you? I'm explaining this to you because I want to be sure you know that I would enjoy time with you, but right now I'm struggling to just get through a very simple day. I would really appreciate some time with you after my surgery. It would certainly give me something to look forward to".

Of course...you'd put it into your own words...but I've found that people usually understand.

I think they also react to how you're handling things. If you seem to be unsure about what you need then they will be more inclined to try to talk you into something...but if you sound sure of yourself...like you simply CAN'T go anywhere or do anything then they will react accordingly. Does that make sense?

Just be sure they know you WANT to spend time with them and it's difficult to have to say "no" right now because of the pain and the exhaustion, but you're looking forward to time together after surgery.

Hope that helps hun.

Rita

Thanks all of you...it's so good to know that I'm not the only one.
I've actually got a little tear in my eye now. Oh....where's my kleenex????
Hey Rita
How did you get so smart? You always seem to know how to deal with this stuff I guess that's why you're the HOSTESS!

I am a very grateful


Tam

I know exactly how you feel. No one seems to understand my need for being alone right now. I have too much on my mind to deal with people right now. Except you ladies. You are the only ones who truely understand...

Kathy

I had to fumble my way through this like everyone else...I'm just glad I found hystersisters to get me through it all. This site is sooooo awesome! Believe me...I have had to learn things the hard way...unless one of my (((sisters))) helped me through it.

Hugs,

Rita

You are definately not alone in feeling the way you do!!!! I'm now 8 days post-op and I felt like being left alone too. I wanted people to call once in a while to let me know I wasn't alone and that they cared, but then I wanted to be left alone. I finally started being honest with everyone (I also didn't want to hurt anyones feelings), and I just told them that this is a difficult time for me and I appreciate all their support, but I just really need some time to myself. They all understood and the people close to me left me to contact them when I was ready. It worked wonderfully because I didn't have to keep making excuses to avoid people and it lowered my stress level some. During my recovery time now I am still doing this. Hope this helps!

I am so glad you posted this! I am struggling with the same exact thing right now. I have been feeling so guilty lately because I have not been returning phone calls to my friends because then I will have to turn down their invitations to things and I don't want to hurt their feelings.
Another issue I am dealing with is how much to really share with my friends about what is going on. I have a few really close friends that of course know what I'm dealing with but I also have some good friends (mostly male) that I have shared a little bit with but am not comfortable sharing everything with. So my tendancy is to under share, then they feel like I'm blowing them off because I turn down their invitations to do things. ARRGGG!!
Although I don't have much advice for you I know where you're coming from and am sending HUGS your way!

I, too, understand COMPLETELY this feeling! All I have to offer, is to be honest. The people and friends who really care about you will most likely understand.

I believe with all my heart that we canNOT help this!! Hopefully our loved ones will be understanding and tolerant.