Anyone remarried and have stepchildren? long

I have a problem and I am wondering if anyone else out there has a similar situation. I am remarried to a wonderful man, however, he has a son that lives with us who is 15 he has 2 others that are older and don't live with us. I have 2 children from my previous marriage, a ds 14 and a dd 11.

With my upcoming TAH, less that 2 weeks, YIKES! I am stressing! The reason for my stress is that his ds is attached to my hip! I can't stand it. I told my dh that his ds must go to his mother's the first few days after my surgery, and my kids will be with their dad also. (I planned my surgery so that my kids would be with their dad for a couple of days when I first get home)

My dh said no! He feels that his son will be a great help to me! He's not! All he does is follow me around the house! I drives me mad! He is 15, in high school, he won't even go anywhere on the weekends to give us time alone. Let me explain one thing, my dh is out of town on business m-f, and home on the weekends. He will be home the first week of my surgery, possibly the second if I still need him home. My stepson does not go to his mthr's ever to visit, nor does she come get him.

Having him around during those first few days is going to drive me up a wall, does anybody have any suggestions???? Sometimes I think that my stepson thinks he is my dh's replacement!

a. How do I get my dh to understand that his son needs to be away for a couple of days?

b. How do I get my stepson to understand that I am not rejecting him, I just need that time to recuperate without hurting his feelings?

c. Help!

Dear msmaureen. I am two weeks post surgery. I thought at first that i wouldn't want my son coming home {he is in the navy, }and staying for 10 days i thought he would drive me crazy. He also is the type of kid who is attached at the hip but he was a total godsend. He was so supportive and caring he was the best nurse i could ask for. Your stepson might be a bigger blessing than you could ever imagine. You are goimg to want all the help you can get and a strong pair of hands to help you up and down and to hold on to when you walk around is a blessing. This also may help him feel needed and important and maybe help him not to be so clingy in the future. Its worth a shot and if is doesn't help having him there you can always send him to his moms later. Hope all goes well I'll pray for you and your surgery. Blessings Kelly p.

Hi Msmaureen.

I was in the same situation as you. Between BF and I we have 5 children. We have our children scheduled to be here on the same weekends and have everyother weekend with no kids. My BF couldnt understand why I wouldn't want 5 kids running around the weekend I came home from major surgery!!

Now I've had day surgeries and I don't know if he knew what to expect. I can tell you I argued with him to come home to an EMPTY house except us. My kids arrived home from their dads on sunday nite and are in school full time so that wasnt bad. They are 9 and 10 and were well prepared for what was going to happen. But I was sure glad when I didn't have to be responsible for them. I wasn't even up to having all the kids 2 weeks post op. I was still on the couch all day, and when they were all home they usually brought friends over. The living room was my bedroom and I wanted quiet to doze off when I was tired or whatever.

I think its a personal thing. I'm private when it comes to being sick. If I wanted to wear nothing below the waist for comfort, I didnt feel I should have to worry about everyone being in "my bedroom" and fighting for the tv. haha My BF's daughter 12 wanted to come look after me too and I just said that I thought MY feelings were more important than if she was disapointed.

I think its an individual thing. I personally was more content being alone. And I think BF got a real eye opener when I got home and he saw the shape I was in. He had to help me up everytime I needed to move for a few days. He was so paranoid about being responsible for me. He was afraid to have me home. And when I had my staples removed, he was afraid my incision would just fly open and things would come out. So until they see how hard it will be, it's a hard case to win.

I think he was more understanding AFTER the fact and saw what I went through. Good luck to you.

Maureen you have been put in a tough spot hunny!!

I have an 11 y/o stepson - I have no bio kiddies. My stepson lives in Virginia and we are in New Jersey. I had explained to my stepson that I was having the surgery and he was aware what was going on - he knew I had been having a lot of problems and I told him this would make me better so we could have more funn soon!

However, I do not speak with his mother and she did not know what type of surgery I was going to have. So the day after I came home from the hospital we got a phone call. It was the childs mother saying they were in New Jersey for the day unexpectedly! Yes I know, like ya didnt know you were coming??!!?? LOL this is my life!! Well dh was not home I had let the machine pick it up and I got very upset as I really wanted to be alone and did not want the child to see me in this kind of shape I felt it was too soon post for a visit even for a day and I wanted dh to stay with me but since he does not get to see his son very much I was torn!!!

Dh came home and when I told him what was up he said "Nope cant do it I'm going to call her and tell her no, you just got home and need your rest and i need to help you right now." Whew, I was glad the pressure was off of me I thought he was going to ask me what I thought but didn't !! When he called her and told her what I had done she fully understood and said the child had even said "Mommy I dont know if thats a good idea, Joanne just had her surgery." Hes such a sweet kid!!!

My suggestion would be either to call the child's mother and talk to her about it - if you are on speaking terms that is - believe me I know how hard this can get sometimes!!!! And also speak with the child and explain what you will be going through. He may understand I know kids at that age can be mighty selfish sometimes but its worth a shot!

Also, is there a possibility that there is another family member that he can go stay with for a few days?? Or possibly one of his friend's Mom's that you are close with that may be able to keep him for a few days?

I hope this helps a little bit hun.

Good luck - Doing the extended family thing can be so hard sometimes!!!!

Jo