2 weeks post-op, husband has had enough

Well, after almost 2 weeks, I feel like my husband has had enough. It's like some switch flipped in him yesterday. He went from handling everything and being so sweet and helpful to walking in the door with groceries and saying, "Hey, unload these, will ya?" I understand that this surgery has put a huge load on him, but I am still so sore. I've been doing more than I should as it is, since he went back to work and we have three kids (Ages 9, 4, and 10 months) and I had my 2 week post-op appointment today. I got a big lecture from my doctor about overdoing it and how I'm setting myself back in my recovery because I am overdoing it. I told my husband all of this, and he doesn't seem to care. It is really hurtful to me because I feel like he doesn't care. He has been awesome up until this point, and all of the sudden he has no interest in helping me anymore. How can I bring him back around? I'm trying to be understanding. It is so stressful to have to do so much, but he knew that when I had my surgery. The fact that he WAS so amazing before makes it worse because I'm sitting here wondering what happened. Well, that's my whining for the day.

You can't overdo it. And he'll just have to understand that. Tell him again what the Dr. told you about overdoing it, and how you could be setting yourself back in your recovery. And just don't do anything that you shouldn't do.

Perhaps you should just sit down with your husband and ask him what happened. There's no way you're going to be able to read his mind. He may just be having a miserable day himself. I'm not saying you shouldn't take it easy, but maybe you can ease your mind about him, or at least find out what's going on in his head all of a sudden. My DH and I have had all kinds of miscommunications or noncommunications that got me all upset. Maybe that's what's happening here?

I agree, I'd sit him down. What a lot of people don't understand is complications from this surgery can have life time effects. Not just for the recovery period. If things are not healed correctly you could be affecting your sexual health among other things for the rest of your life. Its not just your sexual health, but it can affect the both of you.That is not worth it and if it were me, I would have to put on my big girl panties and put my foot down. What happens at 5 or 6 wks po and he brings up he's tired of being abstinate? You can't give in then either. to you sister. I hope you find the strength to handle this

Well girls, after my husband had bathed the younger two, and got them settled with a movie, and my oldest was being the bookworm that she is, we sat down and talked. He said he had a rough time with our 4 year old at the grocery store and assumed that since I was already doing things I wasn't supposed to do that he could just have me unload groceries. I explained to him again what the doctor said and asked if he understood what that meant. He did, and apologized. You can tell he is still a little frustrated, but he is doing what needs to be done again. We'll probably talk more later about what we can do to communicate better. Thanks for the advice.

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Originally Posted by MrsDeputy Well girls, after my husband had bathed the younger two, and got them settled with a movie, and my oldest was being the bookworm that she is, we sat down and talked. He said he had a rough time with our 4 year old at the grocery store and assumed that since I was already doing things I wasn't supposed to do that he could just have me unload groceries. I explained to him again what the doctor said and asked if he understood what that meant. He did, and apologized. You can tell he is still a little frustrated, but he is doing what needs to be done again. We'll probably talk more later about what we can do to communicate better. Thanks for the advice.

That's wonderful!! This surgery is taxing on them too. So maybe when this is all over you both will be able to do something special for each other. On a good note, he's getting to see probably what you do all the time. I know this surgery gave my dh a deep appreciation for me and all I do that they think just magically is that way. Hopefully you get the same

He did actually say, "I guess I didn't realize how much you do around here, because now that I have to do it, I'm exhausted." Which, I must admit, made me feel good.

Wicked isn't it! To feel secretly good about it . I didn't feel bad at all to see him actually do my life, and our kids aren't even small.

(((MrsDeputy)))

I am glad you were both able to talk.

I want to make sure you are aware of something else. Your DH shared that he had issues with your 4 year old at the store. Our kids are affected by our surgery, too, and they don't always know it or know how to talk to us about it. My oldest was 5 when I had my surgery and ended up acting up in class. He wasn't coping well with me having an extended hospital stay but didn't know how to explain to everyone that his world had just been turned upside down and he didn't understand why.

You and your DH may need to discuss how all of this is affecting your kids, too, and implement a plan to make sure they are communicating with both of you and you with them. If your 4 year old's behavior was abnormal, she may not be dealing with how her world has been changed and the other two may be having some internal struggles as well.

s

Honestly as I was reading your post I thought...jeez that sounds like what I went thru. Except my kids are 10 and 14...and my husband doesn't really have to deal with them much since they are pretty self sufficient. My hubby acted like as soon as the steri-strips fell off that I should be back to being superwoman. He even started acting like I was just being lazy. By week four pretty much told me he wasn't doing the cleaning anymore and that I could start doing it again since I wasn't doing anything else (like working). I am glad you were able to talk things through with your hubby and hopefully you are able to get the rest you need.