Loss

My TAH is scheduled for April 9th. Most of my women friends say aren't you glad you'll be done with that after all you are 52. Yes, I am 52, but I have never been able to conceive. I am certainly ready for the problems to stop (excessive bleeding, etc), but I'm not happy to lose this part of me regardless of how old I am. Perhaps it would be different if I could have said, "well I have all the children I want" Of course I don't want to be pregnant at 52, my husband of 33 years ( who is 61) would faint dead away if I announced we were having our first child. That's not the point. I can't explain why I feel a loss, it doesn't make sense. Why am I not happy about it, like my friends suggest I should be? I know that after recovery I will feel better. So what's the problem? Has anyone else felt that way?
thanks

Hi, Lynxpoint! Welcome to HysterSisters--best site on the Web! Sorry to hear you will have to have a hyst. It is so normal to be sad and even grieving about the loss of our female organs, especially if it means a baby will never be delivered from them. Our head may know a hyst is the best for our health, but our heart doesn't want to accept that. You might want to post a message in Aching Hearts forum where women are discussing these kinds of feelings. https://www.hystersisters.com/vb2/for...p?s=&forumid=8 Your friends probably don't know what to say, and want to encourage you to think positive thoughts. I'm sure they mean well, but let yourself grieve if you are sad. I saw your other post, too, and have to say that 2 weeks really is much too soon to go back to work. The initial recovery period for a hyst is 6-8 weeks, and then healing continues up to 6-12 months after that. You may not feel 100% back to normal for up to a year. The first couple weeks you will have to be resting with feet up, and only short easy walks allowed. Then you can slowly increase activity, but no lifting, stretching, heavy housework (including vacuuming), or standing on your feet for long periods of time. Read as much as you can here and ask any question you think of. We'll be here to support you through this experience. s and best wishes!
Ruthie

Huge Hugs to yu. Mate I can tell you that what you are feeling now is so so normal and hey with not being able to have any children you would be entitled to feel this way. I think that it is a normal part that alot of us woman feel. I was blessed to be able to have children but at 42 then I did not want anymore, but it still made me feel sad.
You are grieving and that is actually good for you. If you did not feel this way, you would not be able to adress it so easy if you felt like this years down the track. Now before you have your hyst, you can deal with the grief, and hopefully go into hospitol abit calmer. it will take time hun but promise there will come a day when you are glad that it is all over and that you will realise that you feel so much better and more able to enjoy life.
You are in my thoughts and I wish you all the best of luck with your upcoming surgery. Please come into chat there are lots of ladies in there who I am sure will help you and who understand everything you are going through at the moment. Take care Hugs Vicki

Hi and welcome!

We've had many discussions on just this subject, so you are not alone in your feelings! There is so much wrapped up in our "parts"...not just our reproductive abilities, but so much cultural and emotional stuff, too. It's easy to feel that our biology defines us, even though our heads tell us otherwise.

And there is loss here, no denying it. It's the passing of an era of our lives, a certain hope that remains. I struggled with infertility for nine years and never had a biological child, although I am a proud mother now. But I understand your feeling so well....even though you "know" it will not happen, it COULD happen. And now, it CAN'T happen. It's the finality that makes it jarring.

Please allow yourself to feel all this...it's normal and it's healthy to come to terms with it. Denying it can't help us. This is the best place to explore your feelings...also on Aching Hearts.

But I think you'll find that after the surgery, your physical well-being will be so much improved that the emotions will fall into place. They did for me! I hope you can find some peace and look forward to a healthier life, free of pain, bleeding and all the other symptoms that make us so unhappy.



Karen

I had to have the hysterectomy for cancer. I was 57 and had never had, nor wanted children, so that part I thought didn't matter. Except--one day it hit me--never, never, never--it was all taken out, cut apart, and thrown out. I think this is normal, very normal, to feel this way. That "could have" or "should have" or "maybe" comes forth. Yes, you'll feel better after the hysterectomy--but honor these feelings too. For me, they did pass quickly. For others, I know they have yet to pass.

Hi
I'm sorry you have to have a hysterectomy... and as far as your feelings of unhappiness about it go.... I do understand. I am 40, have never been able to have children (1 miscarriage), and at one point in my life really wanted too. The past few years I've come to realize that it wasn't meant to be, and have found alot of positive in my life, and really thought I was "over it"... Until the realization of my hysterectomy (scheduled for Tuesday, Apr 2). I know that for me, not being able to have children has left a small unfullfilled spot in my heart, which over time gets smaller and smaller,,, but when faced with the loss of ANY possibilities to EVER have children (in which I can honestly say I would choose to NOT have any at this point in my life) it's very depressing. When I went for my pre-op, I had to take my chart downstairs to Billing.... I opened it up.. and there was my ultrasound and baby... ouch! Does it make sense? Sure.... it's another loss, and one that I know I will recover from both physically and emotionally, just like the miscarriage, and the infertility... I think it just brings everything right to the forefront of your mind. And besides, you're losing a female organ... whats to like Lynx? lol
And your friends (and mine) who tell you how much better they feel, and are glad they had theirs.... it's because they feel so much better now.... and you will, too.... as we've read so many times here, the healing is physical, and emotional....
My thoughts and prayers are with you...
xo
Donna

Thank you all for your understanding - really! Sometimes I forget that the head and the heart don't always deal with things the same way. This whole hysterectomy thing is just such an emotional issue. It's nice to know you all understand and that you don't think I am goofy! Really, who wants to be pregnant for the first time at 52 - YIKES!!! I can't even imagine. So I guess I will be sad for a while even though it doesn't make sense logically, but then I will be OK - I am so glad I found this web site!!

Love you all!!!

Lynx

I am so sorry your going through these sad emotions. I'm sure you feel cheated, I think I would have. I was blessed to have had children, but it still caused that part of the woman in me to mourn the loss of my body as it would never be again. And you have two reasons to mourn. I think it's a very natural emotion. I wouldn't try to stifle the feelings but deal with them and discuss them with your dh and dr. and of course us. Blessings to you and I will keep you in my prayers. Mikki Jo