its getting closer

Lisa and sisters,
I wrote the letters to my children my husband, forgave my father, prayed for absolution,and made my peace with my own demise almost three years ago when my liver was failing and my end was near.
Surprise! Here I am! Ha! A lot the doctors know! The good Lord is in charge here.
The letters I wrote lie in the bottom of my bureau as a reminder that I need to keep the faith. Life is a gift every day whether one is healthy or battling illness.
Lisa, you have two precious children you need to mother today. Part of mothering is preparing your children for life in this world where there are no gurantees.
When my little girl cried when I was very VERY ill we talked about who would take care of her when I would be gone.
Last week this same girl now a big 14 and aware that I am going into surgery said something like "are you going to be okay" "I told her,"Most likely darlin' you are stuck with me for the duration, but if something goes wrong and I don't come home, you need to know that this is the way God planned it and we don't question God, and your big married sister will come live at home and see you through high school so you don't need to worry about what ifs...you are taken care of." It seemed to answer her concerns.Does this help or make it worse?
I care about You.
Judy

It is nice to know that I am not alone. I have not 'thought' too much, but I am scared. I remember the pain of having the tubes tied.....it was awful, but I have low threshold of pain. My doc is fantastic and I trust God and him to keep me comfy. I went today and bought the citrate ewwy stuff, BTW, you can get Gas X and the bowel prep real cheap if you have a Family Dollar or Dollar General in your area....I bought 3 boxes of Gas X.

Still wondering if that is enuf

Tues I go for pre-admission tests. Wow, one week from then and it will be 'my turn to be in the castle"

On an up note, I am glad it will be over.

carrie