non supportive spouse

So, is there anyone out there with a non supportive spouse? I know he loves me and all that but he gets so weird when I am sick. He is a medical professional and I tell you, that makes it worse. He is so matter of fact about everything. I can't talk to him about my fears and concerns. He doesn't get that at 34 loosing your uterus is tramatic. I dont know if I should press the issue, tell him to not come to the surgery or just leave everything as is. Any advice would be great and may I add that this forum has been very helpful and the only support that I have.

My husband is generally supportive, until it gets to the health stuff. Part of it is that he is into alternative medicine, and surgery of course goes against his beliefs, however, even he agrees I need this. However, I have found during other procedures, that his non support is his way of handling his fears that something could go wrong, so maybe it's that way with your husband. I bet he'll do just fine. Best of luck!

My husband is supportive but he doesn't understand as he puts it "what the big deal is" he says "if it needs to come out just take it out" He is a lot like diverchicks hd. If he can't fix it he doesn't know what to do but will not tell me it up sets him. Also with your dh being in the medical field it might not seem like a big deal to him sinces he is around it all the time. When our son was born early he was put on a vent to help him breath. I worked as a secretary in the nursery where he was so I saw this happen a lot. It didn't really upset me because I knew the drs and nurses and understood what and why it happened. When I called to tell my dh that they were putting a feeding tube on our son my dh lost it. I didn't understand, no big deal to me. I knew that was normal to do. He about lost it and said he couldn't bear to see another tube on our sons face and was very upset.My dh didn't see this type of stuff in his job. So he was thinking our son was going to die and never told me until years later. So maybe you need to talk with your dh and explain that where as this is everyday stuff to him it is not to you and you need him to let you talk about it. He most likely doesn't know how he is coming across.
Good luck

My DH was supportative but didn't actually understand a lot about what I was facing when I was waiting for my hyst. I printed the "FAQ for Family and Friends" ( click here ) and gave it to him. Then we sat and discussed my fears and worries. After that he understood better and was a great help. Maybe that could help you too.

Best wishes.

S

boy oh boy does that sound familiar! The weeks leading up to my surgery, I felt like hitting my dh upside the head with a frying pan - felt like I was getting a big ZERO from him in the way of sympathy or understanding for what I was going through.
Well - I am now 1 week post-op and we had a conversation the other day - and boy, was I surprised to find that he was terrified in the weeks before my surgery. I had no idea. He said he just closed himself up, didn't want me to see how scared HE was - he wanted me to remain as calm as possible, and he thought if I saw how afraid he was for me, I'd be a real mess. Little did he know that all I wanted from him was to know he cared! MEN - they say women are hard to understand?
SO - maybe he is going through the same thing - my advice to you - sit down with him and talk to him about your feelings and his lack of sympathy and understanding - LET HIM KNOW how you feel.
I wish you all the luck with your upcoming surgery - it will all work out.

Seems like many of us are dealing with this. My DH is basically quiet about anything related to health. He himself is fairly ill, and is going through a HUGE denial phase. I just have to accept his love and care for me, and try not to worry so much about why he acts the way he does. My biggest thing I can't solve is that I dont think he takes my pain seriously. I really dont even discuss it with him anymore, he knows how I'm feeling and thats about all I can do. Just take care of yourself, and like others have said... talk to him and tell him how you feel. You can't force him to act or respond in a certain way, just accept how he handles things.

I understand -- my spouse is not very supportive either. He thinks he is, but is such a 'caveman' when he thinks, that he actually makes things worse.
he's also the type who thinks you should just "tough it out" when it comes to any kind of pain or medical issue, and cannot even talk about female problems. He won't buy tampons even in an emergency situation.
I think that probably these type of men are really scared of something happening to us, but just don't know how to express it in any form that we see as helpful.
So hang in there with that, and know you have a great place to vent or get other helpful ideas from. I have been glued to this website for the past week, and even just knowing other people are feeling the same things and having the same issues at home don't necessarily fix them, but at least we aren't the only ones with the problem.

He does not have a uterus so he can't understand your loss. Plain and simple. Some men can be supportive, but they will never fully understand the loss you feel. I am 33 years old and have 5 kids already. I DO NOT WANT ANYMORE!!!! My husand had a vasectomy after our last child 5 1/2 years ago. But I am still saddened by the hysterectomy. Knowing I will never have a child again and wondering about the implications for my sex life bothers me. When I was at the store the other day I bought some lubricant and my husband was like, what is this for! You NEVER have that problem and I was like, well I prob will now that I had the hysterectomy and he just looked at me like I was a crazy person (even though we have talked about this before!)