Making him understand!

I have a wonderful husband and we have a great family! Between the two of us we have had our share of surgeries. Anyway, he keeps telling me this is "No Big Deal". Why am I so worried about it? Why do I constantly talk about it and think about it?

I can't believe after the abdominal surgeries he has had, he says it's not a big deal! I loose my temper and he can't understand why. Is anyone else having or had this problem? He told me yesterday that he might not be able to come see me on the 13th because he's so busy at work......one day after surgery. It makes me feel alone in all this. Maybe I'm not relaying how important it is to me for him to be there.

Anyone have any thoughts? I love him very much, but can be really insensitive right now. His mother will be here after surgery to help with the kids and I'm not sure if he's thinking because his mom is here he doesn't need to help me, or what.

Any ideas or thoughts would be greatly appreciated. I'm tired of crying so much in the evenings, he just doesn't seem to understand.

My husband doesnot understand either, how important it is to talk about this with him. He tells me it will be fine and that's it. He has had NO surgeries and can't understand because he has not been through it. He has started to find a houskeeper and try an organize other things, which is going to help me a great deal, but I think the main reason he is doing this is so that he doesnot have to do anything himself. I'm worried too, if he will come to the hospital to see me. Or just tell me that I will let you rest so I wont be coming by. He plays mind games so that it doesnot look bad for him and to try and get out of things. I think God needs to give men hormones so that that can understand what we go through. Can you imagine a male going through PMS and mood swings. Here for you. Sorry no help.

I'll will bet that you are the type that tries to hold in your feelings. If you are hurting, mention it in passing and don't really make a big fuss.

This is me. I can tolerate a lot of pain. I may say "ugh" or "whew" or "I hurt", but that is as much as you get. When I really hurt bad, I become very quiet. I had a gall bladder, colonoscopy, and ankle surgery operation and breezed through all of it. Now my DH thinks I am Super Woman. Like you, I have been mentioning this a lot.

I have found the best thing to do is to have a friend talk about the pain and other bad things that accompany the hyst. My DH listens to others more than me. We have a couple who are our best friends. The wife is laying it on thick. This is really doing the trick. She mentions some people she knows that recently had a hyst. One had vaginal and the other TAH. She talks about how the vaginal is doing fine but the TAH is coming along so much slower.

I have to laugh. Been married 30 years and know what works on my DH.

Yes I know how you feel. I love my hubby to bits but I got really frusterated with him, because we were talking about my op and a wedding we have the day after, of course I cannot go to this and I asked him if he was going and he said of course I have to go he is my friend. Well I said you have to be there for me the day of the surgury and he said we'll see how things go. Well I flipped as I was on a short fuse anyway. It turns out he will be really tied up with work and I knew this and he meant we would see how everything pans as it is 5 weeks away, he would be there for my surgury but may have to leave later and he would go to the wedding but would also be able to come visit me. This was all acceptable to me but you see sometimes we are so hormonal and men so practical it is difficult to meet half way. Our hubbys sometimes say one thing and we hear something different or read too much into it.
Also our hubbys do worry about us, and though we think of our op all the time and the planning etc. they try to put it out of their minds, it is just the way they deal with it. Try to talk about other things in the day as well as your op, the kids, how your day went etc. I sometimes find I have to stop myself, but I do and I find it helps. It really helps to come on this site and off load.
Please do not worry our hubbys love us and will be there for us to the best of their abilities.

Take good care of yourself

Hugs & Love

Marie

There is an article for DH's and how they can help their wives on the home page under the hints and articles section (can't remember if it is pre op or post op). Print this out and give it to him. If he still is not very understanding I suggest you do two things. Have him go to a doctors appointment with you (some women actually make an appt just for the DH to see the gyn). Snd him to the pelvic floor site so he can see first hand what is done. He may have had abdominal durgeries done before but I doubt very much that any of them had literally 100's of sutures internally that had to heal and the type of reconstruction we have and the type of restrictions we have.