24 years old, post pregnancy hysterectomy

Hello there,

In 2001 at 24 years of age, i had a post pregnancy hysterectomy. I had no idea going into labor, it would lead to a c-section, and then within hours and with no time for consent a emergancy hysterectomy. I feel alone, confused and so sad to never have more children. I understand women's insecurities with their spouses. My husband wanted many children. He says he is happy now not having more, but i have a tough time beliving him.
Physically, besides the scarring, my hysterectomy has been fine, but emotionally it has taken a huge toll.
Thank you for listening, and letting me read all your stories.

Bonnie

Hi Bonnie
This surgery takes it's toll on those of us who are past child bearing age so I can only imagine your saddness. Please tell your dr. about the emotional things you are trying to deal with. He/she may be able to help you get through this. As far as your DH is concerned.... believe him when he tells you he is happy. Men go through their own grieving process and usually do it silently or react in a way foreign to us. Some retreat. I think you may have a guy who truely is happy! He didn't lose his bride and is greatful for the gift he was given and is ready to move on. I that you can accept yourself for the loving , young wife and mother you are and enjoy life to the fullest.

Hi Bonnie-Sue! I am truly sorry for your loss!!!! How devastating for you to be only 24 and go through what you have. I am 42 and still feel the loss. I agree with Karlene, your husband loves you and is glad you are alive. Best wishes, and many s
Sandy
Lavh

Bonnie-Sue I am 25 and just had my hysterectomy. It was a shock to me also. I thought I would be 40 or older before I had to worry about the change, hormones, not being able to reproduce, and most of all testing the love of my husband ( will he still love me with out those parts?). Ya know those are the questions my grandparents and parents are scared about not me. But here I am 25 and scared about what hormone is the best and how much to use and then for how long? My gosh I have one grandmother who still hasn't been through menopause and yet here I am having her hot flashes for her! But I am lucky my husband has been very supportive he thinks that yeah we could of had another child but what quality of life would it be when I hurt and flood all the time. At least now I have it behind me and am on the road to recovery. Yours is surely as supportive. There is always adoption and there are always a loving child out there looking for someone to love them back. We have decided that if we both get the baby blues that the door to adoption is open for discussion.
I hope this helps.

hi! iwas 22 when i first got sick and 25 when i had a complete hysterectomy--i was not married and never had any children. it was a very sad time because all i ever wanted to be was a Mother. After many years of being angry, sad, depressed, and most of all feelilng jipped out of the most wonderful thing a woman could experience--i'm finally coming to terms with the entire situation. i believe truly, that i was never meant to have children of my own because god was going to present me with so many other children to love and experience. if i continue to go through my life resenting the path before me because of something that was completely beyond my control then i am not trulyl living and loving this wonderful life i have. you didn't say how many children you have, but i'm sure there is so much love inside of you for them and imagine the wonderful life you can provide for them with your husband by your side. i went in and out of therapy for many years because i couldn't and wouldn't accept what god wanted for me(not religious, but spiritual woman here---not preaching) maybe you could find someone to talk to about your sadness and pain.this is such a big loss for you and my heart holds that sadness for you--close your eyes and imagine me holding your hand--imagine my heart filled with a beautiful bright light and i'm sending that to you now--LOVE-lots of it. any time u need to talk you cancontact me--TRULY peace , love and blessings 99fairies

Thank you for all your support. And a special thank you to 99fairies. I have one young son, i always thought i would have at least three children. And i am thankful everyday for my son. I guess i just wonder why me, i usually think things happen for a reason, and try to think of the positive, but i can find no positive in this. I had no pain before and no idea i would ever need a hysterectomy. Whenever i try to talk to somebody about it, i just feel since it didn't happen to them they really don't care much.
Thats why websites like this one are super. It is nice to get support from people who are actually in similar positions.
Thanks again,
Bonnie

Hi there. I am 23 and had a TAH July 15yh this year. I know the feeling about child bearing. I too wanted to have at least 3 children of my own. it took my dh and I 3 years to conceive and then that took a lot of praying. Then after having my second one 18 months after the first it killed my body so to speak. I had suffered from endo and overian cycts since I was 10 years old. So I am glad the pain is over but was very sad to know I would never have children again. My dh had told me something that was very helpful he said " think of all the extra time you will be able to give the two babies we have now that I wouldnt have been able to give them if I had more" and that is what I think about when I am down in the dumps knowing I cant have anymore. I quit my nursing job I just got so I could stay home and watch my 6 month old walk for the first time. I missed that with my 2 year old. But the time and the fun things we do with each other and being able to have the energy finally to do things with them and to be a good mother was worth all the healing and operation recovery. I also volenteer at the abortion alternative clinic in my city,. That helps a lot knowing I am helping people in that way and my story saves some babies. So do I regreat not being able to conceive anymore? No knowing that I can spend all this time with the 2 that I have and my story helping teens deal with pregnancies. And the biggest one of all PRAYING to god. If it wasnt for him nothing would be possible!

I am so sorry for your loss!

After my daughter was born, I developed a post-partum uterine infection that somehow managed to decimate my uterus. After living in severe pain for 2 years and trying many less invasive options to relieve my pain, I finally came to terms with the reality that I would not be able to fix the problem any other way, that I would no longer bear any children and had a hysterectomy. I had two years to think about it and am still in shock, that I could be experiencing the grace and beauty of pregancy and birth, all of sudden to have it turn into something so painful and tragic.

I imagine you must still be in shock from the suddenness of your experience? It has been very good for me to find a safe place to talk about what happened, including the medical events. Even though they occurred so quickly in your case, there is often fear built up around them and locked together with the memory. I know for me, I sometimes even hyperventilate thinking about things that happened. Her 3rd birthday is coming up and it is actually bringing these feelings forth. I mention this only because it may help you to know you are not alone, and if traumatic memories intrude, you need to find someone to speak with about it. You are not alone.

There is something in this loss in childbirth that binds us together with so many many women throughout history. I know this may not be such a comfort now, but I thank God you and your beautiful son are enjoying each other now, as I am enjoying my beautiful daughter (well, she's almost 3, so she is, well, full of it, what ever it is, thank God), as so many women used to die in childbirth, or shortly afterward, and we and our children have lived. So we have gotten to experience this grace. But it is also true, and a much harder grace, that you have truly lost, all at once, not one baby in childbirth, but many you would have carried and named and known and loved.

I also thought I would have at least 3 children, and also question why it is that I cannot. Sometimes, I still think I am in denial over the fact that I can't. But over and over, God has assured me that this is in fact his plan for my life, though it is not for me to know why. Sometimes it is just a matter of keeping faith until he reveals his purpose to you. I will tell you that at my daughter's 3rd birthday and 7 months post-SAH, I am having some beautiful (though short) moments of profound belonging in my life as it is. And this is sad, because sometimes deliberately letting go of a dream you have held so dear at the core of your being is heartbreakingly sad, too, but you must, to move on. My hope and prayer for you is that you may come to this place, in your own time.

With love today, sweet Bonnie-Sue
Loretta

GOOMPHY: You are doing an absolutely WONDERFUL thing, you are a blessing to your community! I applaud you. I hope that you are able to make a difference in at least one young mothers life. I went once to drop off a friend at an abortion clinic, this was before I ever had my first child and all I could envison was souls of small babies rising out of the roof and being lifted to heaven, I swore I would never again be any part of someone having that done, (not even driving) Luckily I never came across that problem again, I guess I should be more proactive in this regard. Thanks again and god bless you.

I hope I haven't offended anyone in any way, if so please forgive me.

missingangel

Sorry I havnt been on this board too much . Thank you for your kind words angel. I will keep you in my prayers. Every night I pray for the stop of abortions and pray for families that are trying to adopt and families that are trying to conceive. I say a rosery everynight for the stop of abortion and I have a mass said for the stop of abortion and for families I help and teenagers I help in their desion that they make is the right one. I will keep all of you in prayers tonight and On Sunday there is going to be a mass said for all the sisters here on the hystersisters website. I have also told My story to a group of women that were in the comunity today and I told them about this wonderfull website. I hope they will come on here and share there questions with us.