I just need to vent - no real questions, except for wondering if I am normal.
I am sooo hormonal lately. Well, I think its that. I snap at BF and his kids, I am hating every minute of my job, which I usually love, and I am just overall a cranky mess.
I was on the pill for about 16+ years, then went immediately to Lupron, so I am not even sure how hormonal I am normally. I stopped the lupron about 2 1/2 mos ago, and just had a period about 2 weeks ago. Ohhh might I be ovulating? Oh crap - I don't know.
I am under a lot of stress, with work, a somewhat rocky relationship, an ill grandmother, etc. Maybe its that?
If it is hormones, what can I do in the meantime???
Do you think stress may be just a wee, small part of the equation? Is BF taking care of you and being re-assuring? Do the kids help out around the house, blablabla? How close to your ill Granny are you?
In other words, Jessi - it sounds like you have a full plate and now this surgery coming up. Not to mention fooling around with all those hormones!! Take a deep breath, close the door on everyone/everything else and just sit with yourself. This always seemed corny to me, but somebody taught me to give myself a gentle, loving hug and just hold myself. Listen to my self and speak to whatever voice comes up with something. I've sometimes been surprised to find out that what I thought was bothering me was really NOT the problem. A few times I've just cried to myself. But most of the time I hear myself ask permission to be put first. This is probably why you feel cranky and edgy - you just need to be held and heard. This is a big moment in your life. Embrace the moment and yourself and get thru all of this the best way you can -and you'll find you have grace and dignity and abilty to what is necessary. And then go back into the rest of your house and have a beer. It always works for me.
Wow you are good! I do have a lot on my plate, and I am very close to Grammy. BF is kind of being weird about all this - I bring it up, and he says "Well, I am just glad you have the board to go to," meaning here. He is definiately a solver, and gets kind of freaked when there really isn't an immediate solution to the problem. My sister tells me "Well, Jess, you have the date, you are prepared, you know what will happen - so why get nervous?" Not real validating, ya know? but then again, she has always been like that - very pragmatic, very practical, unless of course, it is HER problem we are dealing with. Not really sure why I expected any different.
But you are soo right when you say I need permission to take care of myself/put myself first. I never do that, and I need to now. i am busy taking care of the kids, my clients, my work, my grammy, etc - everyone and everything else except me. I just bought some stuff here and had to justify spending the money on MYSELF for about 20 min. I kept thinking of what the kids need, what BF needs, what bills we have coming up, etc. Well, I finally said if I wasn't going to treat myself now - and its my birthday Sat - so what better time to do it than now - then I wouldn't ever treat myself.
Thanks for your post. I so needed to see that side of it. Great big s to ya!!
I thought I was reading my own mind!!! I have been feeling the exact same. I live in a house full of "men" ....Between "serving" them, working full time, and helping my sister plan her wedding, etc......UGH!!!! I need to go on strike! No one understands unless they are experiencing it.......lots of well meaning advisors....but....well, I'm sure you know what I mean. I am sooo happy I found this site....For awhile I thought I'd lost my mind at times. Thanks to all for sharing and supporting. This will really help me get through this!
Ohh you are helping your sister - I just got done with that wonderful task. She got married June 28, and I am not sure who was happier when it was over - me or her. It was maybe a month from her wedding when I made the decision to have this done, and she says to me "Ohhhh you better not have it done before my wedding." Like I would have. She also told me not to dare to have a plantar's wart removed before either. What a stressful time that was.
I noticed you are from Fairfield. I grew up in Cincinnati, in Anderson. I haven't lived there for about 16 years, but my parents did until about 3 years ago. I heard the other day that you all were having terrible storms. I remembered those, and thought how nice it was to be missing them. Anyway - just wanted to say HI!! and that I feel your pre-wedding pain.
Funny you should mention storms......We're supposed to get hit with more today....ugh!!! My sisters 4 years older, but I've always acted as the "big sister", so she is driving me nuts. To top everything off one of my oldest friends invited her family, and some other friends of ours/families over Sunday for a swim party (don't buy a house with an inground pool unless you don't mind a permanately open door.....) Like I feel like running around in a swimsuit Right now I'm battling a craving for some mega sweets......Someone save me from myself, I could run out into our plant (I'm at work) and attach the vending machine right now....
I see you went up to Maine, our designer and his wife just got back from a vacation up there, the photos are incredible. I'd love to get up that way - I'm a lighthouse collector.
Take care, and thanks for replying!