no sex drive. i read many "try this" and "ive heard this works" but i cant find

HELP. i am about 2.5 years post op. I never considered my self a sexual animal but at least i had a sex drive at one time. If i dont find something that works soon, the resentment factor in the house is going to hit an all time high. i have zero sex drive. The only time i can bring myself to do it is to get tipsy(very tipsy) and that doesnt feel good the next morning at all. Not to mention how it makes mt dh feel. he says "oh, so you have to get drunk to touch me". i am not taking any hormones or anything for that matter. i physically feel better than i ever have. literally pain free except for this issue. this is truly coming between my dh and i. I have scoured posting after posting and hear alot of "maybes and ive heards" and no "this truly worked for me"

Hello.I was thinking maybe you should go see your gyn and explain this to him/her and they can do a simple blood test to check your hormones,which sounds like to me that your low on one of them.

As for your Dh,I would try and explain to him how important balanced hormonal levels are in EVERY aspect of a womans life.To much of this or not enough of that can really make a huge difference in how we act,think and feel.

I hope things work out for you very soon!

's to you!

I have the same problem - have had it for 3 yrs now and I'm 36 and newly married! Before surgery I spoke with my gyn about it and she said that if after I recover and no sex drive is still the issue than she will do some tests and may prescribe a pill to help.

My libido left me about 3 yrs ago and I haven't found it since and I have even looked into Avlmil but am hoping that it's either something learned from tests that is causing it or else depression? and that can get fixed as well.

So I suggest you see your doctor and have them run some tests - it can't hurt.

HI I am in the same boat--the no drive boat. I know what you mean about it upsetting DH and causing tension. My DH takes it so personal even though I have told him and he has read how it is hormonal. And he should also know that is true because in my younger years I had a normal sex drive. I have had the hormone blood levels taken--testosterone is very low. My DR does not want me to take testosterone. I do take a Climara patch and natural progesterone cream.

I wanted to write to you so you wouldn't feel alone. My DH too says remarks to me that make me feel so guilty and shameful. He sometimes thinks I am doing it for spite or on purpose which is ridiculous. The resentment factor in our home is getting quite high too. We had hoped that the hyster would help--since before I was having so many troubles with fibroids, bleeding etc. Nope--not to be. And the ERT not helping either. This is awful but I find myself wishing his sex drive would decrease so that I wouldn't have such pressure to perform. I love my husband very much, love to lay with him, cuddle and sleep with him. I just don't have that urge for intercourse.

Hope you feel better hon--and that your DH understands that it is not him or that you don't want to touch him ---and that it is not your fault. Hormone balance is the key to our feelings, thoughts and functions. And the balance is so hard to find for some of us. Show him these posts--so he will see it is not just you going through it-----keep us posted

Hi to all of you and s,

I had the same problem before my surgery for a while actually.
Had my levels checked and testosterone was low.

I am not taking any HRT, only the natural stuff (black cohosh, soy, flaxseed and primrose oil) AND here's what I added that has made a difference for me

DHEA (which in women acts like testosterone first and then estrone a medium strength form of estrogen)
Choline (helps with tissue/pelvic floor blood supply)
L-Arginine (gives you extra energy and helps with blood flow and vascular relaxation)
Also, for vaginal dryness, which I already had before the surgery, I am using Replens (lasts a few days) or vit E capsules as a suppository...sounds strange, but it works! I have NO problem in THAT area anymore!

There are 2 great websites where I found the above info myself

http://www.geocities.com/NoLinks/
http://www.drlark.com/

This is what's working for me...so hopefully you will have success with it as well. Do check with your doctor too, but my first choice is always to try a more natural approach to anything.

I hope all the DH's will be more understanding and patient..most guys just don't get it, do they? I am very lucky with my DBF, who gives me whatever time/space I need and that makes a big difference too.

Good luck you guys...and if you do try these things, give it some time..it took about 3-4 weeks for me to notice.

thanks for the encouragement. i will make that appointment. heres the big question. if i feel FABULOUS (except for the libido), is it really right to put all those hormones in my body so i can "keep my man happy". of course i know he loves me and this will not break us apart but i want him happy and he definately is NOT. so now what, i risk side effects or worse so he can get some? doesnt seem right to me to risk my health for that. but who knows, maybe once i take something and my libido does come back, my quality of life with my dh will be better. its sure alot of guilt and feeling less of a woman right now. thanks girls. PS: if anyone else has anymore advice for me, I AM LISTENING !!!

S to all the ladies having libido troubles. It can be awful, especially for those that enjoy sexual relations and miss it. There are other reasons for keeping vaginal tissues healthy but lets focus on the sexual aspect. Our vaginal tissues are affected a great deal by hormones and so is the feeling that we feel in that area. After my surgery I started getting a "dead" feeling in the vaginal area. I supplemented with vaginal estrogen along with my oral estrogen and it did help with both the libido and getting my tissues healthy. Down fall for me was that I didnt care for using both a vaginal estrogen and a oral estrogen even though for the most part the vaginal is not systemic once the tissues are healthy again. I had tried using testosterone in a gel by rubbing it on my thigh but didnt like the side effects I was getting from it. (irritable and acne) so I quite using it and stayed with the vaginal estrogen. About two months later I decided that I waned to try and use the testosterone gel vaginally and I have used it since with much success. I also have had no problems with the negative effects using it vaginally. Keeps tissues healthy and my sex drive strong. So if you would rather not take HRT, you may consider using either a vaginal estrogen or testosterone in a cream or gel vaginally.
Hope that helps some

I wonder the same thing myself **pushthrough**! Why must I always make all the compromises including putting chemicals in my body just so "HE" can get "more" than he is getting now. He usually is the first one to lecture about taking more medications or supplements--yet in this situation I don't hear him saying--hon -don't worry --we will deal with the love life we have. Sure-it isn't as much as before--but it is there--I don't deprive him. Seems I always make the compromises to keep peace.

**tazz** On the DHEA,CHOLINE,L-ARGININE: what are the recommended dosages? So glad they are helping you. I love the idea of extra energy along with increased libido. Thanks--

thanks danzale19 and the rest of you. Danzale19, i actually started to cry when i read what you said about secretely being anxiuous for your dh to lose his drive to take some pressure off of you. i have never shared that with anyone and its like you read my mind. i am sure it will change once i figure this thing out. hes wonderful and patient and if that's all hes asking, i can handle it. Who know, i may even like it again !!!!! LOL ... I am going to actually print out these posts about all the things you ladies suggested and take it to my doc. (since i also lost a view braincells during the menapause thing and may forget everyhing i read tonight good bye for now. take care and thanks again.

pushinthrough---we have a common bond and common thoughts. It was hard for me to even write my feelings about DH and wishing his sex drive would decrease. But fact is it is true. If his and my drives could catch up/or down to each other--we would be perfect! Until that happens I suspect we will go on as we are--unless of course I put something artificial into my body to increase my drive to where his is.

I would love to think my libido could be what it once was---if that happens great! I miss it terribly. But if it doesn't I just wish I could feel less guilty-and feel less pressured to find a solution by taking a medication/supplement. I take many different medications now for a variety of health problems. Enough already. I already gave in and started ERT because I was a mess--was one huge flash and mood swing!

This site is wonderful to help each other through the problems we have d/t our surgical menopause. Just to know that we aren't alone somehow makes it seem easier.

Our men will live with less sex if it has to be. It is just in our nature to want to please!! to all