Feeling Guilty

Good morning...

I am finding myself feeling guilty because I am doing NOTHING!
I feel better now than I have in MONTHS but I know that if I do stuff I am not supposed to do I will pay dearly and I really dont want to do that.

I feel so bad about my husband doing all the things he is doing. I have discovered he is a wonderful cook tho... Im gonna make him do that more often My husband has a bad knee... so bad in fact that the Dr wont allow him to even have a sit down job. He is not allowed to walk more than 1/4 of a mile a day.. that is just about all his daily bathroom trips and puttering around the house. He isnt supposed to drive, but has to. He needs a knee replacement but is considered too young to have one.. go figure!

I want to get a bunch of things done before Thanksgiving. I have always found it so much easier just to do them myself rather than listen to the kids complain. I will insist they do daily things like picking up the floor and they even do their own laundry.... but I dont trust anyone else to do a good job on things like cleaning behind furniture.... dusting and scrubbing things such as the kitchen appliances and things.

I also do a lot of steam cleaning since my doggie has her accidents. No one has ever steam cleaned but me. I definately want that done before Thanksgiving. We are getting new carpet soon.. the carpet we have now is OLD and tearing in spots. It was here years before we moved in. We wont have the new stuff until after Thanksgiving.... I am having a HOUSE FULL of family that day. I am not doing the cooking... but someone needs to clean it and get it festive and ready.

My oldest DD had her wisdom teeth pulled today so I dont expect she will feel very good. She works full time and takes care of my 2 grandbabies... shes a busy girl with a husband who just worked his first day of work in almost 3 years. Hes a bum! My next oldest DD is nursing her boyfriend back to health. He had an emergency appendectomy last week.

Then there are my 3 DS's. My oldest son is going through lots right now. He is 15. He is depressed and has gone through the suicidal thoughts and is now on Prozac. I am treating him very gingerly. My other 2 sons are just too young to handle steam cleaning.

My youngest child and daughter lives with her dad during the school year and is only 8! LOL..

NO, I am not going to do it either! As much as I would like to, I know I cant.

I am really rambling and venting... and I am so sorry... but I just want things to be nice! The holidays are on me now. My mother did the BEST job in the world but is no longer with us... I dont throw Christmas parties catered for 200 people like she did.. LOL.. but I still like to make it pleasant and festive.

Ok.. I really need to stop rambling.. Im just really frustrated and feel so guilty for having to rely on others... Bottom line, anyone else feel this way... AND.. any viable suggestions??

Thanks for listening

Stacy,

You may just need to relax your standards for housecleaning for a little while - or see if you can pay a professional to help. It does not sound like anyone else in your family is physically able to do what you need. Fortunately, I have a cleaning service - so my house gets cleaned every two weeks.

I understand how hard it is to do nothing while others are working. You can do the same for you DH when he gets his knee replaced. That should make you feel a little less guilty!

I think the most important thing right now is not only for you to heal physically, but for you also to be patient with your family while they help you out. When I had a c-section for my DD, I found my husband got easily exasperated if I tried to hold him to my standards of cleaning. I have learned that I need to be thankful and appreciative and patient with any help I can get during this time.

That is a lot to have a houseful so soon after surgery, but I am glad you are not cooking. I would think everyone just wants to be together, and if the steam cleaning does not get done, it won't change the holiday at all!

Take care of yourself. I am sorry to hear about your DS and what he is going through. Holidays are an especially hard time for depressed people, so I hope he does okay. Please remember for you and for him that your self esteem comes from who you are, not what you do. You don't have to have everything perfect to feel good about yourself.

Best wishes!
Danette

Hi Stacy! Danette answered you so beautifully...but I just want to add: You're not doing nothing -- you're HEALING! The best thing you can do for your loved ones is to recover smoothly and completely, by following the doctor's orders and taking good care of yourself.

I had my hyst almost two years ago, and when I went to the gynecologist last week because I still get occasional sharp pains, she said I'm still healing and yes, this is normal! The pains only occur once every two weeks now, but I wanted to get myself checked anyway. I said to her, "Wow, this really was some major surgery, huh?" She nodded very emphatically!

So...take good care! Healing is your full-time job right now!

Best wishes --
Flo

Thanks Flo and Danette.

Its really not that my housecleaning standards are that high.. I need to make them HIGHER even... I just feel bad that Im laying around while I expect everyone else to do stuff that I would normally do.

I know if I dont heal I wont be much good to my family.... so I am taking it easy.. I guess Im just chomping at the bit. Holidays around the corner and so much to DO!!

Im glad this is over with, but it just came at a rotten time of year for me!

Thank you again

Stacey, There is no way you are going to steam clean anything and think you will be awake and able to eat Thanksgiving dinner. So, no steam cleaning, really.....no cleaning! How about using a "swiffer" and let it go at that? You could do yourself more harm in the long run if you try to do much for the next couple of weeks. The longer you stay quiet, the better off you will be. I went back to work a couple of hours a day at 3 weeks and that was really too much for my body.

Be very careful, so you don't end up with other problems.

Hi lin,

You are right... I have to force myself.

A little while ago I made a pot of lentils to mix with some split pea soup my friend made. Her soup is good but too salty so I needed to "cut" it with more things to make it easier to eat (and not worry about high blood pressure after a bowl.. lol) Just standing at the stove stirring my soup, then mixing hers with mine was lots on my legs and pelvic area. I feel crampy because of it. I told my husband that I think I went over the limit for myself at this time.. so I am in bed... the soup is DONE!

Thanks for your post