never been so depressed

This is my first time visiting the site, so bear with me if i seem to ramble.

I am 26 years old and have been diagnosed with uterine cancer. I have been told i will need to have a radical hysterectomy---there are no other safe options...as i have tried radiation and that created problems for the other organs in my body surrounding my uterus.

My problem is not with the surgery itself, it is dealing with the fact that i can never have kids. Everyone around me is telling me that i am lucky that this is curable and i should be thankful at how early it was caught...and that i can always adopt(which is a wonderful thing, but i have always wanted my own kids). I have been looking into procedures to freeze my eggs--which is expensive---and has no guarantees. I am single and i feel like a huge part of my future has been robbed from me. At the same time i feel guilty for saying that b/c i know some people who are fighting cancer for their life...and would love to be able to cure this like i am able to.

I have never been so depressed in my life. I cant imagine getting involved with someone in the future and having to tell them that i can never have kids. I find it hard to accept in myself, so i cant imagine how potential partners may feel.

I dont even know what advice i am looking for, maybe i just need to see if i can make sense out of any of this.

What a hard thing to deal with! Here's a big hug!

Of course it is hard to face not being able to have children. That's a terrible loss, a big part of life. (I had fertility issues and have never had kids of my own.)

Finding a partner need not worry you now. I really believe there is a right person out there for every one. You could meet someone who wants to adopt or who has children of his own already... you never know.

Since you are feeling depressed, that is something that should be taken seriously. You're going through a real ordeal and may want to talk to a counselor.

I am so glad you posted, and so glad you are here. I don't know how much advice I have for you, but I do want you to know: you are not alone in your grieving. The loss of the ability to bear children is huge for many many women -- do no feel guilty about your feelings -- and do not stop yourself from feeling the pain right now, as it will help guide you. Maybe trying to freeze your eggs really is the right decision for you? Must you give up both ovaries?

Sometimes a kind-of numbness follows traumatic news and experience, and the feelings of grief surface later. I guess I will give one piece of advice: please just honestly be with your feelings and talk about them -- this is so important right now -- you can do this here, with a counselor, with a good friend, with family, with a minister or pastor from a church -- and there may be no advice anyone can give to you right now -- but please find strength in knowing you are not alone, that others have been there and will be there for you.

You are so young, my heart just breaks for you and your pain right now.
You are in my
With love and light,
Loretta

I too went through the same emotions about being able to have/not have children, after 10 years I had the surgery.

You don't have 10 years to wait, due to the cancer. You are taking measures to protect your life. I just got news this morning, that a friend just passed away - ovarian cancer.

The men in my life are constantly telling me that my life and the quality of it matters much more that having children naturally. It does get easier to deal with over time. Your first concern should be your life, and I'm sure that's why you are on this journey.

My heart goes out to you, but you will probably one of those young women (after healing) who live a healthy, victorious, happy life. Your future is still ahead of you. Take care.

I know how you feel!!! I had surgery for ovarian cysts in April, which turned out to be ovarian cancer - so therefore the doctor had to perform a TAH. I am 30 years old and woke up from my surgery and immediately asked what had happened. I will never forget the horrible feeling I got when the doctor told me that he had to take everything out.

If there is a way that you can freeze eggs, I would explore that option. Also, I would try and talk to someone that has gone through the harvesting/freezing process to see what it entails. The doctor told me since my cysts were so large, they could not harvest any of my eggs. I know that adoption is such a wonderful thing, but I really mourn the fact that I can not have my own children.

I just finished chemo in October, and feel lucky to have survived - but the thing that lingers still is the loss of my fertility. Please let me know if you have any questions...

And to respond to your feelings about finding a partner...I think the right man will love you no matter what happens (being able to have biological children or not). You will find the right person! I was always the single girl (forever it seemed). I started seriously dating a guy the year before my surgery (March 2002). He stuck with me through the surgery, recovery and 6 rounds of chemo!! On November 7th of this year - in the middle of our vacation to celebrate the end of chemo - HE PROPOSED!

Needless to say, you can find good guys out there that will love and adore you & are willing to explore adoption routes if that's what you choose!!

Welcome to our group, although this isnt the happiest of things happening to us that has brought us all together...

I want you to know that you are completely validated in feeling this way...you have been 'robbed' & its hurtful & its almost impossible to understand...sometimes serenity doesnt come as easy as we wish that it could...

True, adoption is out there, but it shouldnt be looked at as 2nd prize in a contest, or as a last choice...it should be made because that is what is in your heart & would be what would make you complete...

Where society got the idea that the only way we are 'real women' is by giving birth is beyond me! Just pushing a big ol baby head out of your inners does not make you any better than anyone else...it simply means you can procreate...& sometimes with some folks procreation is WAY overrated!!!

You are just as good as any woman out there, dont put up with anyones crap that says, or implies, or makes you feel otherwise...you are beautiful & strong & able to handle difficult situations, otherwise you wouldnt be where you are today...& if a man can't appreciate what a jewel he would have in you, then so be it...theres another man just around the corner that will appreciate you for the wonderful person you obviously are...

Cancer is a very scary thing... I hope that you have loved ones/friends that can be there to support you thru this time of difficulty...I am thankful to God that your cancer is controlable...but it comes at such a drastic price & that in itsself is a tragedy & Im sorry that you are having to go thru this...truly

Let me tell you from personal experience...every man doesnt want someone that could have a child...honestly...I think that you should give your future husband more credit than to think him so shallow that he wouldnt see what you are, his soul mate, his love, his life partner...

Who knows what windows will open for you despite this very big door closing...you may meet a man that already has children that needs love, or you may meet a man that is completely satisfied & overjoyed with the thoughts of having YOU as the baby...you may meet a man that wants to adopt in the future, you never know what lies ahead...that will come in time...

I am a firm believer that there is that 1 special person created for us out there & that despite the crap that this world & life has thrown at us finds us to be the most perfect person to them...you dont have to be perfect, hon...just close enough to perfect for him...

My dh & I have only been married just over 1 year & I know that he didnt 'sign up' for us to have the sickness part of our vows before everything else, but he has...& he has stuck by me...he has no children biologically, but you know what...God sent him to me because he knew that he would love me best just like I love him best...

Now, you have the same, even better waiting for you out there...it may not be 2nite, or next month, but hes out there & when its ment to be it will be & you will realize that what I have said was true...he loves you despite of what has happened to you...no, he loves you because of whats happened to you..he will love you like you have never been broken..because you havent... you are so brave & I am so honored to have read this post...

I wish you all the best...

Hold that head up high...you are precious to us all!!!!

Keep the faith...it is out there!!!

***sorry if Ive rambled on, or if I sounded corny!***

thank you so much for responding to my post...it made me feel so much better to hear from people who could atleast somewhat relate to what i am going through.

and it made me feel so much better, to know that i am not being totally selfish in feeling "robbed". i am so appreciative to have found this site...thank you all!!