I can't have LAVH, My DH will drive me Crazy!!!

I am recently married...2nd Marriage! Sure, most of you would say...awww...she's a newlywed...how sweet! She's in that "in-love stage" of marriage. Well, let's just say, that we've bypassed the "snuggle up in front of a fire" to "let's deal with our new big family"! I truly do love my new DH, but dealing with a new marriage, 2 new step-kids, my own 2 kids, and a LAVH...is nuts!!! My DH is having a power struggle with my 2 kids...so, he's constantly saying...they won't listen to me or can you settle this matter between the 4 kids?! I'm stressed enough about my surgery...mainly the anesthesia part of it, as I've had problems waking up before...getting rid of my "girl parts" doesn't really bother me all that much. Now, in addition to all that...I'm stressing over how is this house gonna function while I'm down in bed for a month or so??? I can't be up settling family power struggles!!! And, to top it off...my mom called tonight and says she's gonna fly in from CA to help!!! I know she has good intentions, but she drives me more crazy than all the kids fussing! I'm gonna go nuts! I know none of this really has to do with pre-op info/advice, but I guess I just needed to vent and hopefully hear some similar stories or just plain good advice! Thanks for listening ladies! Good luck to all of you LIW! I'm thinking of ya!....Hugs....Sour Mug Angel!

I feel for you LOL... sounds like quite a mess to deal with. I'm lucky... I have assigned my kids as lackies... my DH will go back to work before I come home and my oldest (25) is my babysitter )
I could not imagine going through this just after a blending of families... it's gotta be nuts!!!
Good luck to you... my prayers are with you!!

Oh no, this is everybit a pre-op thing! And the only thing you can do is know that all that time alone will help them all bond. Mommy will not be able to help them. I have three including an eight month old that does not understand that mommy cannot pick him up! They will all be fine. They will learn to understand each other. Well let's hope lol.

As for the anesthesia part, remember in worse cases, there are things that they use to help wake you up. It sounds horrible, but it is the truth.

I wish you the best of luck and we are all here for you.

Thank you Sherrie...I hope you're right about them all bonding and hopefully not killing each other! LOL! But, I'm curious...what do you mean that they have things to help wake you up after anethesia? Let me know...Thanks for the advice...and I hope your healing goes well and fast! Take care...Hugs...Sour Mug Angel! Oh, and thanks for the prayers Budsnook...I'll need them!

Dear Sour Mug Angel,
When did you remarry? How old are you? How old is your husband? Are either of your exes involved with your children? Just want to get a good picture of what's going on with you. Stay in touch.
Sheree, Tarzana, CA

I'm 28, my new DH is 29...we married in July 03'. Both of the kids' other parents are involved with the kids. Which is good for the kids, but can sometimes drive us crazy. As, they always seem to feel the need to put their 2 cents worth in...whether it benefits the kids or not. But, for the most part...it's a good thing! It's just hard dealing with all this new stuff and the scariness of my surgery all at once. My Dh is a good guy, and I get along with his family...actually, I work with his mom everyday...she's a great Mil! I wasn't actually raised by my Mom so we weren't real close in the past...she's really been trying in the last year or so...but, to be honest...she makes me a little crazy when we're in the same house. I know she loves me and means well, but ugghh!!! it's just nuts when she's around and I'm not sure I can handle her "helping", the two dogs "yelping", along with the kids "fussing", and my husband's "cussing"...ha! ha! Just trying to laugh a little with all the craziness around me...Anyway...there's the scoop...Not all that entertaining, but that's my story and I'm sticking to it! ........Take care....Sour Mug Angel

They take a while for all the power struggles and chemistry to settle down that's for sure.

If both other parents are involved with ongoing parenting, then surely they could help out and have kids now and again to give you a break, and then you may be able to send mom home early?

Also remember, you are one half of the new marriage so you should only have 50% of the worry, let new DH assist and the other non-custodial parents pull their weight, who knows, they may need some help and assistance in the future.

It's sounds as if it goes against the grain, but you wouldn't be having a LAVH if your gyn didn't think it was necessay so just get used to idea of putting yourself top of the list for a while as you will need to be to be in good rested shape for surgery and optimum health for recovery.

Am sure this site will soon come up trumps again with lots of practical and inventive suggestions, wishing you all the best from one second marriage mum who knows the joy and sorrow of merging families. Take care, Linda

I have one word....deadbolt! For the door to your room. hee heee hee. Just kidding. I hope the best for you. Maybe all can get together and have a family meeting prior to surgery and just lay it all on the line. Ok, I will need this, this and this...and let all know you will not be able to function for a bit. Naaa...lock is cheaper,easier and much quieter!

Dear Angel;

My heart goes out to you. Just the pro-op jitters alone are enough (and they are normal). I was afraid of going under too because of waking up during (tell the radiol. exactly what your problems are and make sure he or she lets you know what they will give you to solve that. They are good at that.) Also, I told them that I immediately throw up after waking up and for my tah/bso they gave me drugs and i had no problem when i woke up. In fact, i don't remember the first day, they let me sleep and put auto. leg messagers on. You have so much going on in your life i wish i could take at least one of the concerns off your list. I think delegation is the word of the day. If your in laws like to put in their two cents, then ask them for an advance and have them take the kids for a few days. Some very wise sister mentioned that you were 50% of the union and your DH should shoulder some of the kids expecially when you are going through this. Maybe if you assigned "teams" to do tasks and watch out for each other, letting them know that they are all mature enough (whether they aren't or not, they'll step up and attempt the challenge because they will feel important). Put things in writing so you can just point and go back to sleep. Your mom at first sounds like more of a emotional burden than a help (I empathize.) That's a very intricate relationship but make sure you don't take on emotional burdens that you don't need right now (easier said than done), and remember that you come first right now. She might actually turn out to be a plus because she can be your mouthpiece, guard, and coordinator while you are resting. I send many many hugs to you and keep us all posted . You have a lot of people in your corner. Take care.

I empathize with you. I'm 36 in a fairly new relationship (5yrs) and I have a 14mo old boy with the OTHER half. LOL I also have a 16 yr old boy from a previous life. There are issues between the other half and the 16 yr old and I seem to be the middle man, make that WOman. I'm almost 3wks post op and the homestead has been a bit of a struggle but I tell them they'll be kicked to the curb if they can't behave. The baby is my life though, so he gets special treatment.

You know, your mom CAN be a God send. Children seem to react differently when being cared for by someone other than a parent. Maybe she'll keep them fairly quiet while she's there. Besides, not all DH's are very household chores oriented. You should see my house. I wish SOMEONE'S mother would help my ole man. LOL

I just wanted to let you know that you're NOT alone in your fears and it IS all a big part of pre & post op because it all plays a role in your stress level. During my last week in waiting, I made my partner take on more responsibilities around here so that he couldn't say "I can't OR I don't know how." If he does, I chime in with "that's why your time started BEFORE my surgery so just make do the best you can." It shuts him up everytime!

LOTS OF HUGZ N PRAYERS