No family support

I am going in about 1 week for a abdominal hysterectomy.My family brothers and sisters never called in the past for more simpliar surgerys and now everyone knows and feel bad cause i know no one will call me to see how i made out.My mom took some days off to help watch the kids surgery day and coming home day so my husband can be there and bring me home.Now she is very mad at me for no reason(long story)and is not talking to me at all.I refuse to talk to her.Like i said long story.Now the only one i have is my husband and kids ages 51\2 and 21\2.I am feeling very down knowing no one will care how my surgery goes.I take generals very hard.And still feel hurt when my youngest was born no one called me or visited me in the hospital and i finally got a phone call 1 week later from someone.I felt like garbage in the hospital seeing everyone come in to see the new addition and there i sat and had no one.My mom came and that was it and of course hubby.I don't want to feel that way this time.Just need to vent.Sorry.Thanks everyone here for support.

I mean sibling wise. Even one of tehm live sin my neighborhood and is aRN, she has been so bad to me inlast year I stopped talking to her totally. I had majotr problems with one of my children and she went gossipping about it. SoooI wil go in with my hubby, and my children aware. I do npt expect much hospital visist ..mayeb hubby and one daughter who is an LPN ( licenese practical nurse) My son is 15 1/2 and a teenager and other daughter attends school out of state comes home on weekends... I'll manage but I can totally relate to your lonilness and feelings of nobody cares, nobodys there .

I told my brother and sil 3 weeks prior to my surgery and I got 1 email prior to surgery fussing at me because I was hurt that no one was showing any concern. Then after my surgery, my brother called me the day after and said they would come that weekend, well that Friday I got an email that their van was in the shop and so they would not be able to make it after all and that they would be down this weekend. Didn't ask how I was doing. Then I got a call yesterday that my brother was sick and so they couldn't make it this weekend, still haven't asked how I am doing. It hurts, however, I have accepted that this is just how they are and they are not going to change. I have friends who care, and sometimes friends make much better "family" anyway.

You have the support of the women here at this site also.

Denise

Hmmm....and here I thought I was the only one - my surgery hasn't been scheduled yet - I will know this Tuesday exactly when surgery will be. Its going to be TAH/BSO and urethra repair. I am married, 7 kids ages 7 - 19 and 1 sister and 1 brother whol live in town, and 1 brother out of town....Long story short....I told each I was to have surgery, of course gave all but the 7 kids details...have been a nervous wreck, and the most I got back in the past 3 weeks is from sister: "so when is your surgery, the kids want me to come visit them while your gone" and husband who is self employed "don't forget to give me plenty of notice so I can close business the day of your surgery"....actually one ovary must come out and the doc left the other up to me....I asked hubby what he thought since my mom and family has breast and ovarian cancer history...his response to that was, he got mad and said "why would you ask me that, i have no idea about ovaries." So, that said....we are all here for each other I guess....I am a nervous wreck about recovery at home...I couldn't care less about hospital - I'll probably sleep most of the time...but when I get home...I'll have to deal with them being honkerblonked cuz I'll be on couch, can't drive everyone where they gotta go...etc....Love you ladies, lets hang in there together.

I hated reading the stories about your family's not pitching in or even showing an ounce of concern. Something similiar happened to a friend of mine. Her mom is a teacher and decided rather go on a field trip with her students than to be there for her daughters TVH.
Just remember the ladies here are also like family and you WILL get support here when you need it most. We are thinking of all of you and wish you the best!

March 25...counting the minutes

Oy, families! I was remembering the other day about when my sister had her hyster., I had a failing family business and tiny daughter 750 miles away, but since my mother refused to go and help, I went for 8 days to help my sister at home after surgery. Then a couple of years later, I chided her for being amazingly mean and abusive to both my folks, (considering their age), and she has never spoken to me since. We actually aren't sure where she even is now. Now that I look back on it, I'm not sure she even asked me, which isn't the point, but seems weird now that I think about it. So...I guess she won't be lending a hand. LOL. I am not complaining...I have DH who will be here through it all. I don't know how I ever got to be so lucky. My folks will do anything I need also. (that will be a first, I can't imagine asking them for anything, but I'm going to try!!)

I have to say that this is one time I really miss my mom, she would have been really supportive of me. She passed in 2002. I have not spoken to another family member since her funeral. My family now consists of my SO ken, and my children, DS age 18 and DD age 15, and a few wonderful close friends who are better to me than my sisters ever were anyway. I do communicate with one sister me email occasionally, told her I am having surgery, she asked me to let her know how it goes. The other sis lives about 3 blocks away, don't speak to her and don't want to. Life is too short for the hassles!!!

I would depend on anyone but my MIL and first SIL ... my first SIL even tries to question why I store my brooms here not there . Shes a pain. Im lone but I would rather moan on forums and struggle than depend on people like that

BUTTTTTT My own family was about to leave on a vacation when I got admitted so my MIL took the kids . But because mIL doesnt have a car the kids had to miss school while they were there . I got admitted on a wednesday and my parents came back on saturday and took over the kids .




mei

WOW! I so can relate to the way you feel!!!
I too have a family who totally do not understand the way I'm feeling, or they just don't want to.
I had my hysterectomy one year ago, and I'm still experiencing terrible symptoms! VERY EMOTIONAL!! NOONE UNDERSTANDS! Not even my husband. I am totally alone on this one.
Thank Goodness for this web-site!
Good Luck to you, We'll certainley be here when you get back from your surgery.
DMK

Grrrr, this is a sore spot to me, too. My mom promised to come help for the third week after my surgery. Last week she said, I'm sorry, but i've committed to doing something at the church for several weeks and I can't make it. Ok, so maybe it's a blessing in disguise, because she can drive me nuts. But the thing that burns me is that she's also going to be missing my DD"s first ballet recital, but she always makes a point to be there for my brother's girls. Sigh. At least DH understands. He's taking off three weeks from work. Also, My best friend is coming to help keep me company most days, and is cleaning my house for me (doing the stuff DH can't after he goes back to work). ANd the ladies from the church are bringing me meals and such. It'll work out just fine! I just wish my family wasn't so...so....well, you know what i mean.