Sad!! DH doesn't understand!!

Good morning sisters, I just came to vent, there is no one else I can talk to that will understand! I am all ready to go, surgery date of 4/22, and DH is giving me a hard time. All he is worried about is my disability.."when will you get your first check, things are going to be hard for us, I hope you are doing the right thing...you are rushing into this..blah blah blah". I am so hurt! I have been going through biopsies and bloodwork and internal ultrasounds since Jan, but have had the problem since 2002. I bled all over the floor in a department store in Jan, but he tells me this morning "that's normal, it happens". I have set everything up with my surgeon, with my employer, now he wants me to cancel. I wish just once someone worried about ME and not the money. My mom died of cancer last year and I am so afraid that if I leave this go, it'll be me, and it will be all my fault because I could have done something and didn't.
Sorry sisters, I just have to vent. I cried all the way to work this morning! He doesn't understand. No one WANTS to have surgery, it's not like a cruise to the Bahamas or anything, but when you suffer for as long as we have, to feel good again is worth it.
Sorry, I wrote so much....I read so many stories about sisters with DH's who stand behind them, why can't that be me? I wish my mom was here, she would understand.

Please send 's I need them so bad.

Hey girl
Here is your early Thursday morning s

I wish I could help, and I wish I understood more of what you're going through. All I can say is your DH is being a BONEHEAD!

That said....he probably is worried, and scared and doesn't know how to express it to you. Yes, he probably is very concerned about finances (who isn't these days)???? But maybe that is the only thing he can vocalize about.

You know in your heart that you are doing the right thing. That is what is important here.

My problem is that although my DH is very supportive of the surgery, he doesn't seem to be expressing his concern for ME. Last night I was in so much pain, even after my acupuncture treatment. All I wanted was for him to take me in his arms and tell me all would be okay soon. Nope, all he said was ok sweetie go take your pain meds and crawl into bed. It sure would have been nice if he'd cuddled up to me in bed.

AAAUUUGGGHHHHH. Men are men. They don't deal with things the way women do. That can be seen by the fact that we have this website. Can you imagine a bunch of guys setting up the "prostatebrothers website" ? Women tend to take solace in each other, whereas men just don't know how to express their emotions.

I dont know if I'm helping you out here, but darlin I do feel for you, and know that I care. None of us WANT to have this surgery done, but we know that it is necessary, or we wouldn't be doing it. Please, don't cry.

You're in my thoughts and in my prayers.
love
Tammis

39&fallnapart,
I can empathize with you. I lost my mom 3 years ago to cancer. It was lymphoma, so unrelated to this. But the fear that I may be ‘predisposed’ because of her history has been in the back of my mind since this ‘adventure’ began. We were very close. Even though she lived 1000 miles away, we talked on the phone often, and I visited her one or two times every year. I have thought many times that I wish she was here to talk to about this.

So far my DH has been pretty good about this ~ he just wants me to get this fixed so I can be my old self again. Like most men he wants to ‘fix’ everything. Sometimes I just need a hug or just to talk ~ without any helpful suggestions from him. When I feel this way, I tell him that I need to vent, or just need a hug, and that I do not needing him to fix anything. Then he knows how to respond in a way that I appreciate.

Prostate Brothers Support Website

Can you even imagine that?? I can't even IMAGINE any guy (certainly not my guy) sending cyber hugs or messages of compassion to someone he doesn't know who's suffering from prostate pain as he does!

I guess it's another example of how we're SOOOO different from them!

My DH is acting the same way. I know he cares about me--He's been very worried for months about my bleeding, pain & anemia... Even has continually told me to "get it taken care of"... but now that it's a reality he's worried about the finances. We both have professional but not highly paid jobs and we're just making it... And now we have to contend with paying the deductible & coinsurance for this hys. = more financial stress

39, maybe there'll be a time when the "mood is right" and you can tell him how much you need his support. I'm sure he loves you & is worried... Their (men's) stresses typically seem to be vented "sideways" and they tend to take it out on their DW's.

That's why I'm so glad this site is here!!!

Here is another Hug for you!

I agree with Northernlights, he is being a bonehead! And I thought mine was bad. Men can be insensitive pigs, that's all there is to it. I'd like to see them deal with one of our "normal" periods for just one month... that would be a sight!

You need to take care of your self. Bleeding all over a store is not normal. Having to "double up" using super tampons AND over-night pads is not normal. We are all in the same boat. We deserve to be fixed. We deserve a normal life, pain free and stain free for that matter! I bled all over the place at the movies last month - I am 33, I know how to take care of myself, it just happened, it's NOT normal. (Talk about embarrassing)

I have found out very quickly that the women here are AWESOME! You will get the best support you could ever dream of, and they (we) really listen. Vent away. Whine and cry like I do. You'll feel better

Melissa

Hey girls
Yeah, I kinda laughed out loud when I thought of "prostate brothers"....here's another one.....Hemorrhoid Brothers.....or how bout "male pattern balding brothers"



Guys are just guys. They can't help it. Women really do need support, and love, especially at a time like this. Only women could reach out through the computer to other strangers, for the support that we need. Nobody else can understand....not even our girlfriends at home who have never experienced having a "period accident"

I agree with ducky.....I wish our men could just experience one day of our "period pain", and one day of the rest of the month pain that many of us suffer. Oh yeah, and lets throw in heavy bleeding with huge clots, just for fun!

Only then could they possibly understand. Then I bet your DH wouldn't be worried about the money. He'd be saying oh darling sweetheart....why is it taking so long for the surgery??? Can I get you anything? A drink of water, a new car???? some diamonds??????

So Miss 39 and falling apart.....do not feel that you are whining. You arenot. You are FEELING....that's what makes you a woman. Share with us! Because then the rest of us won't feel bad when we come here for our turn to vent!!!!!

Have a good cry if it makes you feel better....that's what I did last night. I felt better, but my eyes sure are puffy today! It's okay....you've got love and support right here with your sisters.

sending you huge hugs!!!!
Tam

Thank godness you have this site for support! Do you have close friends around you for support also?

If you think it would work write your husband a letter explaining how alone you feel right now. You need love, understanding and a good listener at this point!

Take Care, Good Luck.

Remember we are here when you need to vent!

I really feel for you. I wish for you that just this once he could focus on you and your feelings instead of how it is going to affect him. He sounds like my DH. When I came home and told him I was going to have a hyster he said "how come?" He didn't know that I was having such problems. Apparently he never listened to me....imagine that.

I'm so sorry that your feeling so bad, emotionally and physically.

Thanks to all of you for writing me back! I don't know what I would do without you all! !!
Of course I cried when I read from all of you, everything is so emotional these days, but you guys are the best! I wish I could take you all with me.
Hopefully he will come around, but the thought of another month of 4+ boxes of overnight pads and clotting and sitting on towels for 14 days...well I just can't do it. I like the idea of the letter, or us sitting down and me explaining to him how I feel.
Thanks again for listening to me, I carry all of you in my heart all the time, and you all give me the strength to keep going.

Sending 's to all!!

Love,
S.

Dear 39&fallnapart:
I am sending a great big giant hug and kiss! Goodness - I just don't understand all these posts from dear sisters with unemotional and selfish DH's!!! I know we have said they are scared too and blah blah blah...that is ridiculous. How can you look at your partner in life...mother of your children...a lady in pain and not want to do everything possible to make things better and easier for her.

I am praying and sending hugs and lots of love and support to all the sisters facing surgery who do not seem to have the family support they should. (And of course all the ladies who do have a good support system - my prayers are with you too!)