Help - I am a different person

Hi Sisters---Well, my TAH was Jan 5 2004. I have had to take Estrogen and B12 shots so far. I had my last dose last Friday. It helped with the anxiety feelings I was having, but now the last few days I am very irritable and feelings of depression. Today at work I just felt like leaving for the day and go home and cry somewhere alone ! I feel like I have a whole different person in my body that is taking over and making me so mean, and the thing is I can't help it. I have no control over my feelings. Noone seems to understand what I am going through (except for women around me who have had the same surgery). Any comments from anyone out there?

I am right there with you! I am not "me"alot! Have you tried compound hormones? They are helping me. I take Tri-est, progesterone, and testosterone. I am getting my energy back, the mood swings are less...but I still feel mean. I mean...ONERY! Hope you get some relief! Laura

Hi Barbie!

You are not alone in what you are experiencing. I told my doctor when I was several months post-op that I felt like I went to the hospital for a hysterectomy, and left three days later having had a hysterectomy AND a "personality transplant." My HRT regimen has alleviated all of my surgical menopause symptoms EXCEPT anxiety...that's still sticking with me, unfortunately! I wish I had a solution for you, but the sad fact of the matter is that I don't even have a solution for myself. I'm still trying to find my way back to the "old me!" My only advice to you is to keep persevering -- there IS a solution to every problem, but some are elusive. Good luck to you!

I'm sorry you're having problems with hormone replacement. I was just thinking today as I went to pick up my prescriptions that every day for me now is like the few goods days I'd have each month before having my surgery. My hormones were a mess before the surgery and were after, too. Lots of patience, perserverance and tinkering finally paid off.

One of the reasons I keep posting is to encourage anyone who doesn't feel right to keep looking for answers. They are out there but you have to work hard to get them sometimes. If not for the encouragement and information I found here I wouldn't have known I could achieve hormonal balance. My *former* primary care physician told me I'd never have it. I knew from the ladies posting here that I could.

(((Barbie)))
I can relate. I don't think anyone in my family, including me, recognized me for the first few months after my hyst. Crying one minute, screaming at everyone the next. Our a/c bill took quite a hit also. The good news is, things can get better. While I am still different, with hormonal balance, many of the changes were for the better.

You do have many choices for your hrt. Unfortunately hrt is not one size fits all, so for some of us it can take some tweaking and changing.

I would give your doctor a call and let him/her know what's going on. It's also not unusual to have your hormonal needs change, especially during the first six months to a year post op.

I don't feel like my old self since my surgery. I don't feel mean or have mood swings. I just feel alone. I hate having to pretend to be normal. I feel like I lost myself because of this surgery. It is hard to explain.

Hi -

I also have been feeling very out of sorts even though I have
been on my Climara patch since 1 week post-op. (I am using the
.1 mg dosage). I also feel alone a lot of the time...and am wondering if that's part of what we have to go through, or
that I should also be on additional hormones. My doctor said that since my mother had breast cancer as well as uterine cancer, she would rather not put me on anything besides the Climara.
Any comments or experience with this?

Insomnia is still a problem for me too - and I am sure that any of
us still dealing with that are more prone to depression and anxiety as well. I have an Ambien prescription but would welcome any comments about this as well!

Please know that you are not alone in how you are feeling...
at least we have each other to talk to and resources out there...
I hate to think of what women went through 50 years ago!

Hugs and prayers to all -

Geneva

I too know what you are going through. We do change after this surgery, the emotional asspects of it sometimes get the best of us. But we are strong and can overcome them. Most surgeries are to help eleviate our problems that lead up to the surgery in the first place. So I try to look at the positive side of this surgery. NO MORE MONTHLY PERIODS or the drastic mood swings I suffered during those times. I also have gotten rid of the horrible pain during intercourse. Even though I might not desire it as much, at least I'm not saying ouch anymore. I know have to pay a co-pay for my prescription , but I think it is still far cheaper than owning stock in Kotex. I guess I am just saying this because sometimes we loose track of how much better we are feeling from having the problems that lead up to the surgery. I use to be miserable in a different way with all the pain and suffering I went through during my menstration. At least now we can find a solution to the hormone jungle. ALOT of women find they feel better once they get that right balance. It is out there for you too!!!! Keep searching and you will get there.

Hi Barbie 1216,

I don't have any magic bullet. I did want to respond and tell you that I know exactly how you are feeling. My hysterectomy was 4 years ago and I swear I feel like they took me as a person with the female parts! Don't mean to be a downer. I am not giving up. I still am convinced that it is hormonal and if they were balanced then things would be much brighter. I am still looking for that and will continue to do so. Don't give up. We are very complicated creatures as women. Drew

I know i have changed too... i woke up one morning in someone elses body! My memory is terrible, anxiety is so bad i take medicines and avoid the triggers, depression is awful, i just hope to live minute to minute. my kids keep me going, but i have thought about some pretty terrible out comes. I have hotflashes all the time, have gained 30 lbs in 6 months. my bed room feels like the only semi safe place. sometimes i dont even want to be asked the most simple questions...
Where am i and when does this ride end? I was always cheerful outgoing, could multi-task, loved challenge, now i am so lost and frusterated.... i just cry...does anyone else find themselves on the edge just waiting to fall off???