Husband & Sex (or lack thereof)

Ok, I know I'm not the only one here that hasn't been visited by the libido fairy!!!
So I have a question for all of you who are going through the same thing.

What do you tell your husband/SO? I mean, there are only so many "nice & polite" ways to say you are not interested.

I truly feel "dead" down there.....I mean, a jackhammer couldn't get things going at this point. I know it is my hormones, I'm on Estratest, and it seems things have gotten worse in that department.

Please, please someone help my husband understand that I can't "help" the way I feel. I don't WANT to be this way, I despise the way I am........I feel terrible for him.

What do I do????? Give it up just so he will leave me alone? If I do that, then he will think I want it more and then I'll be in a world of ****, b/c I don't want it at all! None, zip, zero.

I feel like crying, I think I need some serious help here!

Amie:

In the mood? Interested? Libido? Desire? Where is it and how do we get it back? It is on vacation for a lot of women that have had this surgery but what I have found has helped my relationship tremendously.

At least once a week I make myself, no actually I force myself to go to my DH totally naked. Nothing has to be said and I just start to kiss him, long passionate kisses. Now mind you I don't want to and the desire isn't there but usually within 5 minutes of this my libido kicks in, it may just be that I am madly in love with him but I am not asking any questions. It works for us, I have become the instigator and he likes that because I am not rejecting him, which is how he felt. Just have lots of lubricant handy.

To have an orgasm isn't important to me anymore, making my DH happy is and 9 out of 10 times I do anyway so we are both happy. Remember when you first starting having sex with your DH/SO? All you wanted to do was please him, so what is wrong with returning to that? I have faith that my libido will return when I get my hormones straightened out but until then this is working.

Try different things that you're comfortable with, go to him naked while he is working in the garage (make sure the door isn't open), go "use the bathroom" in the middle of dinner, movie or watching TV and come out naked, go for a long drive away from people and start undressing in the car, go to bed naked and just kiss him. If you have kids at home get a babysitter to take them somewhere for a couple of hours.

Again I can't stress enough that sex is the furthest thing from my mind but so is getting groceries next week and I will still manage to do it.

Take care
Jodi

Very well put Jodi! Even though it is to soon for me as I am only 5 weeks today, the last thing I would ever want to do, is to have my DH feel rejected~~

Good point about the groceries too

I am a week and four days post-op they never told me how long I have to wait before I get to have sex again. I have the oppisite problem as the others, I want it and despratley!!

So can anyone tell me how long?

Thanks Karly.

Good for you, Jodi! Your DH is one lucky guy! I like the part about thinking of how it was in the beginning. Remember that feeling of wondering whether or not you would be kissed that first time? I think if we try to renew that spark we wind up with a great payoff.

Amie: Often times putting the focus on seducing your DH/SO will make you feel sexy, especially if he's really into it. Think of what really turns him on, like his favorite spots to be touched and favorite thing for you to wear or not wear as the case may be. If its been awhile since you have been together, it probably won't take much effort on your part to get a response.

And, if the prospect of sex really turns your stomach, you can always resort to heavy petting. You don't have to completely ignore your husband just because you don't want intercourse. Besides, I think if you start touching him in that way, you are going to get interested.

Take care!

Karly:

The usual but not always is 6-8 weeks before intercourse to be sure everything has healed but that does not apply to outercourse. My Dr. told me as soon as I "felt" ready for outercourse but nothing in the vagina, we played after we showered together at 2 weeks post-op. You see my DH (bless his libido driven heart) felt I was much safer taking a shower with him for a while after surgery which I was thankful for a couple of dizzy bouts.

Anyway, there is a surge in libido very early in the recovery period. I experienced vivid sexual dreams, thinking about sex all the time and having fantasies that I had never had before. This went away just about as quickly as it started. I truly hope yours is here to stay.

If you have questions about outercourse call your Dr.s office and talk to the nurse, she/he and your Dr. have heard it all. Sex is a natural part life and let's face it; gynecologist’s specialty is women's sexual body parts.

Take care
Jodi

Karly,

Usually the waiting period is 6 weeks after an internal check by your doc to make sure everything is healing correctly. Its best to as your own doctor. It's a standard question, so please do not feel embarrased to ask!

Jodie & Michelle,

Thank you both for regrounding me! I love my Dh very much, have for 20 years (am only 30 now!).

I am definitely going to try your suggestions!

amie

Try some dirty movies or something else that gets you going on a good day. If you don't have any movies type frog sex in your browser and you can take a look around. Maybe a little jump start on your battery will help. I also have little uses for IT but when DH is happy life is better. Good Luck...hope I didn't offend anyone.