Dh For Sale!!!!

Hi ladies, 14 days post-op TAH, RSO and getting no help, just fussing, fussing, fussing!!!! I'm doing the cooking, cleaning, and crying. This is not fair, I'm tired and still hurting, and still spotting. One minute I cry, the next I laugh, and my DH wants to know why I'm treating him so bad, I'm not treating him bad, I love him, I'm just tired and want someone else to cook and sweep, and do the laundry, and pay the bills, I wants to run away, anyone out there have an open home to offer. I'm so sad. Thank you for listening, I havent a friend in the world.

Honey, I'm so sorry! My DH was a gem, but my best friends hubby was awful! Let the housework go! You deserve to take it easy! Laura

Gloria:

I am sorry you are having a rough time. Your post says your surgery is was on 4-1, your are far to soon into your recovery to be doing all of those chores. Just let the laundry pile up, and if you don't cook then they will have to find a way to eat. I was fortunate that my dr. gave my recovery papers to my dh never handed them to me. And the dr said under no circumstances is she to do any of the things listed on this sheet. I am now into my fourth week and I just started doing the laundry. Gloria if you lift or do to much it can cause trouble for you. Please sit your family down and tell them you cannot do this right now and then go to bed. And if you need to run you can come to my house.

Tina

Hey Girl!
I can understand where you are coming from. I have been stressing out for the past two weeks about giving my DH "The Responsibility" of the house and kids. Everyone I have talked to said to just let go. I know it's hard. I don't have any family here, and I am 4 days post op. So far my DH has done ok. Sometimes, I don't think he understands what I am going through. All I can do at this point is to let the house go and focus on recovery. Is there a possibilty for you to have someone come in and clean a couple of times a week? That's what I will be doing. I hope things get better!

Hugs!

Girlfriend I soooo understand. My dh was wonderful pre-op. He waited on me hand and foot and was so understanding. Then, all of the sudden it was like he turned into a different man. I was serving HIM dinner 3 days post-op. I have always recovered quickly from surgery but I can tell today I've overdone it. I felt great, I even went walking at the mall with my mom and daugther the day after I came home from the hospital just to get some exercise which felt great!! However my mom left today, fortunately she was able to take my daughter for a week (she's only 2 so it's hard to handle her by myself) and now I'm left to take care of myself basically. Dh went off on me yesterday saying that I was being an inconsiderate, selfish, *****. I freaked out. Here I was trying to handle everything by myself, I didn't cry in front of anyone, I was trying to act 'normal' and I get fussed at for being selfish? I said Excuse me for being the one that had MAJOR surgery and expecting a little help for once!!! Anyway, all of that is overwith now, but I was SOOOOO MAD. Not what I needed at all. On top of all of this, I had NO pain pills when I got out of the hospital because our insurance was messed up and it was a holiday weekend and there wasn't anyone to get in touch with anyone so I was dealing with all of this crap talking only Advil. Enough about me though!!!!! All I wanted to do was to let you know you ARE NOT alone girl and you can e-mail me anytime. Vent, cry, laugh, whatever you need to do...I'll listen!

Thank you all, I'm just so depressed. I feel like nobody cares. Well, it will all be over soon hopefully, and I can get back to work and resume normal activities. Thank you, you are all great.

My hubby was wonderful pre-op and for the first 5 days. When I went in to have my stitches removed, he went to the appt with me. That was about the 5th day. He suddenly snapped! He told me...are you ready for this one?...that I was being "LAZY"!!!

I just looked at him with my mouth open. I didn't cry at all before or after surgery. But, that comment got me tearing up. I told him that I had just had major surgery and I couldn't believe he was calling me lazy. I then realized that I am only effected to the degree I allow myself to be effected...and blew him and his comment off....after I called his mom to complain about his boorish behavior (she also had a hysterectomy years ago..so she could relate).

Well, the communication between me and my hubby is typically excellent. So, we talked it out and he ended up apologizing for his moment of temporary insanity. The thing that had set him off was when I got him to put on my shoes for me. I could have put on my own shoes, but thought of it as a romantic gesture. He normally would have thought the same thing, but I had been making an extra effort to do little to virtually nothing for the first week I was home. So, I hadn't done much for myself or the kids that week at all.

Ok, let's break that down...HE HAD TO DO MY JOB!! He said he had three kids that week and not just two (I was the third kid). Nevertheless, he had to do what I do every day...and then a little more to help me out here and there. But, the long and short of it is that our work is harder than they realize it is. Most of them would not want to do it for longer than a week. So, he had started to freak out that he was going to have to continue this hard work for more than he expected...a week.

Once he understood that I was just trying to play around with the shoe thing, and I could put my own shoes on...and that I was deliberately not doing much for the first week to give myself a chance to heal, he took a deep breath and got back with the program.

So, even the angels among us have their devil moments.

Oh, did I mention my husband is a nurse...funny huh?

to you! I am sooo sorry you are having this.

One of the archived posts for pre-op talks about your recovery room. Perhaps you could pick one room and make that your recovery room. Don't venture out of it until you can handle the rest of the house. That way you will have YOUR space that is the way YOU want it. The rest of the house might go to heck, but it will still be there and if you are not looking at it, it will not drive you crazy - kind of out of sight, out of mind.

As for DH, since he is so interested in himself, you might consider letting him look after himself until you feel better. He won't starve and perhaps it will give him a better appreciation of you. Nonetheless you take care of you. This surgery is a BIG deal. You are worth it.

BTW, we have a 19 mo old. DH has been handling that. Haaaa- he has been SO tired that he when the baby does (vs me who did chores) , goes to bed at midnight (not the usual 3am), and is totally pooped chasing this child. I have found it very amusing.

Hey girls,

Sit those DH's down (kids too if they are old enough) and tell them exactly how your body feels. What you can and can't do yet. Get out those doctor's orders you should have brought home with you. Then put those pajamas back on and keep them on for a couple of days and do nothing. Nothing like pajamas to send the signal you are not feeling 100%. These two things should get their attention!

My family was great but at about 3 weeks, they seemed to think I should be doing everything. I reminded them (ok I lost it) that their help was still very much needed. I did not want to be in this situation either, but since I was, they had to continue to help.

Remember, this will also pass and things will get back to normal and then the lack of cooperation will all seem like a bad dream.

yes, pyjamas do the trick!! my DH came home and said to me, are you not dressed yet? so i went upstairs, found a pair of trousers and put them on, and went downstairs, waist billowing, and said, ok, but i cant fasten them, see? and he got the hint!! its not about being lazy, its about rest and recovery. he said he wouldnt like my job for all the tea in china. he just about managed for a week, while i was in hospital. the poor kids went without dinner money, toast money, but hey, they had daddy home instead of mammy scolding them. but kids get by, just let it go over your head as you plump up your pillow for a snooze, thats what i do!!