guilty, scared and looking for support

Hi, had my surgery on 10/17 after years(about 7) of *mental* (severe pms)and physical problems which got progressivly worse over time. Im sick to say that over the last couple years i havent been a very good wife or mother- i just couldnt get past my own problems. ..here comes tears.. anyway yesterday i was talking to dd(17 yrs) and asking here about her period- She started 3years ago, the first year it was constant and light- Dr. said normal for starting- last year still constant and light- dr. said dont worry- now 3 years later she is still bleeding DAILY- three+ years of bleeding daily, not too heavy but now my mind is going all sorts of places- Both my sister and I have had female problems of some sort, she with horrific endo- several surgeries, me with ovarian cysts, a little endo, lots of polyps and enlarged uterus, very heavy bleeding-
I made an appt for dd for Nov 24th... Im scared for her, dont want her to have to have pelvic exam.. I dont want to scare her. My sis says insist that she see gyn- dont just take advise of reg. dr.- i just feel so guilty and sad. I dont want her to have to go through anything! anybody start their problems this way.. any insights?

I did not have problems as a teenager, but your message got my attention because I really wished that I would have grown up thinking you go to a doctor - even a gynecologist - if you have problems. My sister got ovarian cancer when I was 28 and at that point I had never been to a gynecologist (I was single and still a virgin) so I saw no reason to ever go up until I had some risk- and I even questioned if I'd rather die (how stupid!!). I was absolutely terrified to go - it just wasn't something I was brought up to do. At 37, I'm still under those same circumstances and up until my problems went to a gynecologist maybe every five years even though I considered that I only did that because of my family history - and I was petrified every time.

When I started having major pain symptoms from my fibroids and bleeding nearly constantly I waited 8 months to go to the doctor because I was a wimp and didn't want to be embarrassed. That was about stupid given my family history. And, I do still hope to marry and have children some day. I just had a myomectomy a few weeks ago and I'm fortunate that my procrastination didn't cause me to have to have a hysterectomy before I'm ready at all. Not only could it have been something more serious, I SUFFERED a long time unnecessarily - I feel great already!

I would encourage you to continue talking to your daughter about her problem and get her to the doctor as planned. My mother never talked to us about that and I definitely think it helped build up some fears - especially in the conservative Christian household that I grew up in - modesty is good, but not when it endangers your health. I KNOW I'll never make that mistake again, but I'd love it if someone else could learn from my stupidity. I will not be missing any more exams - whatever interval my doctor recommends now. Sure hope you can get your daughter some needed help soon!

I am sorry you are feeling so bad. I can understand completely the tears and guilt that you are expressing. I too have been a bad wife and Mom the past few years.
I still do not know if and when my marriage will ever heal.
I also have a daughter. She is 14. I dread what is ahead for her and just hope that she will not have to go through what I have been through.
The main thing I focus on now is that I WILL heal and things WILL get better with time. If my family loves me they will understand that the me they have seen these past few years is the sick me. Now that the old/new me is returning I see hope glimmering in their eyes again and know that they love me, even after all I feel I've done NOT to deserve their love.
I think we sometimes put more blame on ourselves than they do gramjan. Love runs deep and eternal.
*hug*

I encourage you to take your daughter to a gyn for a check-up. I just had a tvh, thank God(!) after having problems all my life. My daughter is 18 years old. She started her period at 12 and has had terrible periods for 6 years, very heavy bleeding and pain every month. I made an appointment for her with my female doctor 3 months ago. We decided to try her on birth control pills to see if it would lighten the bleeding. It has been wonderful for her. Her periods are lighter and shorter and the pain is much less than it was. She is a virgin and plans to remain so until her wedding day, so this is not a birth control issue. The check-up and pap were embarrassing to her, but had to be done to get the results we were looking for. Hang in there, ask questions and hopefully you will find some relief.

Lisa

Gramjan,
It's not to soon for your dd to see a ob/gyn! After all they are there to HELP us stay healthy! Send dd positive vibes. Are you taking HRT? You may want to talk to Dr.about how you're feeling. If you're sad, crying, depressed, happy whatever...may need to be tweaked alittle. Chin up...you're on YOUR way to a healthier happier YOU.Good luck to you and your dd.

Sigh.... I'm sure we all did the best we could considering the PAIN and bleeding (latent guilt...)

My mother had a hyster when she was 29 (I'm 31) so she was VERY aware when I started my period at 11 and the first time I had incapacitating pain I was 12. My oldest daughter is 10 and has already been curled in bed with cramps more than once.

I know there are new things coming along all the time. Go and see what a gyn (or different family dr) says. TOO many years I was told there was nothing wrong with me and the pain must be in my head, I couldn't be bleeding THAT much, etc.

In the grand scheme of things having paps done is not as bad as all the problems they can prevent.

I had lots of problems since I started at 13. I knew that someday I would have a hyster since my mom had one at 40. After I started to get worse, and approached perimenopause, I searched for a female gyn to help me. I have already talked to her about my 13 year old daughter. She has not started yet, but I worry about what will happen. She is very worried too. She saw how sick I was in the end, and how much pain I was in. I was on birth control at 18 to reduce pain. But with the endo, never really had anything to help. Take your DD to a gyn and to just assure you and her. My daughter has already met mine, and seems to understand that someday she will have to go. Hold her hand and know we have some great advances in medicine that we were not able to have, that our daughters will. Good luck and hugs and prayers!

Oh yeah, Kim in AB, they told me the pain was in my head too......

Hello,

Your message touched me. I remember getting my first period at the age of twelve, and being in a lot of pain. My Mother gave me a half a Midol, and left me there to scream. The pain only got worse over the years. She wouldn't let me see a gyn, go on the pill, or get a pap. I guess she thought if I did these things, I would become sexually active. So instead every month, I would sneak over the counter pain pills, and when I was old enough, would get prescriptions. I hate to think what I have done to my body taking all of those pills for so many years (34 yrs now). I wish my Mom would've taken an interest in my pain. Maybe something could've been done then. Because my Mom didn't believe me, I thought I must be crazy...or everyone is like this. I wasn't until 2 years ago that someone did hear my cry for help. Here I am 9 days post-op and feeling better already. You sound like a very loving Mother, and I know you will do the right thing. I wasn't blessed with any children, but can imagine what it would feel like for you right now. Please take care of yourself, and see your dr about how you are feeling. I wish you and your dd all the best.

Judy

Thanks to you all for your hugs, kind thoughts and words of wisdom. Talked to dh about dd (she would not be pleased).. he almost started crying- i know things have been hard on the whole family for too long. We will go to the Dr next Fri., i will be as "mama bear-ish" as i need to be and deal with whatever comes up. You are all right when you say that no amount of modesty or "personal invasion"by the dr. is worth the hell we all have gone through both physical and mental. I am trying to be very positive and strong around dd, but will, when the time is right explain what she might expect in a check- up...so she isnt caught off guard. She is not very "worldly" about this stuff. thanks for sharing your experiences and for the support, I can't express how much it means to me!
gail

Glad you're on the ball on this. I know your daughter will thank you later - when she's not dealing with those problems any more!!