can't face former co-workers

Hi, my wonderful sisters.

First I want to say this site is magnificent! I've had all my questions answered (even those I found "silly" or "embarrassing" to ask.)

I had my surgery on 4/26/04 (four weeks on Monday), and am doing well. But emotionally, I'm having some concerns. My question: did anyone feel that they couldn't face former co-workers. I work at a school with a group of wonderful women, but I feel I have nothing in common with them anymore, and I don't want to face them now after this surgery.

I've sent out my resume and if I get an offer, I may accept. I just feel like I want to start fresh, with no one on my job knowing what happened to me.

Am I being silly for feeling this way? Thank you, thank you, thank you ladies, for all the love and support that this website generates!!!!!!

Peace and blessings!

I don't work outside the home, but I understand what you are saying. I feel so different and isolated from women who have not had this surgery. I spend all of my time on Hystersisters since this is the only place I seem to experience true understanding.
s~Moonchime

Thanks so much for responding. I didn't think I'd get a reply so soon. I'm crying! That's how much this site means to me. I, too, don't know what I'd do without this site.

Hugs to you, too!

Never feel 'silly' for something you feel. Your feelings are yours no matter if they make sense to others or not!!!
That being said, I can sympathize with your feelings somewhat. My manager is currently pregnant and my supervisor is trying to get pregnant. I never felt a very 'personal' relationship with either of them but I feel even less now... just about all they talk about anymore is something pregnancy related!!!! First - we're at work and should be working. Second - I don't care. Third - it reminds me that that part of my life is over. Even though I wasn't planning on having any more kids, it still kind of hurts my heart a little bit when I think about it.

You do not give your age. I am 50, & had mine 4/30/04.

Most everyone I work with knows why I am out. In fact, my manager came to see me in the hospital (he is male and gay). Everyone I work with has been very supportive and wonderful.

I would bet you have more in common with your former coworkers than you might suspect. Many women have gynecologic problems of some sort.

Please don't feel ashamed about what you had done. If you had the flu & went to the dr. for help, would you be ashamed ? All you did was get help for a medical problem.

I'm not sure what all you had done. I have a coworker that had a hysterectomy a few years ago, and came back looking incredible ! She had lost a lot of weight and looked great. But she only had her uterus out.

I, on the other hand, had EVERYTHING out. I have already warned a few people I won't come back looking as good as the other person did ! I have swelly belly (she didn't), etc.


This is an emotional time for you. There's nothing wrong with starting fresh, on a new job. But never be ashamed of what you had done. Women are ALWAYS sympathetic to other women.

You're right...I shouldn't feel ashamed, but I guess it's like the sister with the pregnant coworkers. I feel bad that I've lost that part of me. I had TAH, everything gone, and I'm 39.

My coworkers do know what I had, and they have been wonderful, they even set up a dinner schedule for me.

Still...

Peace and blessings!

aquastar,

I now where you are coming from. I too am a teacher with all of them being pretty much the same age as myself and younger. My surgery was Dec 3, 2003 and I didn't go back to work until Feb 2, 2004. I tried to go back earlier but had some complications and and am going to get them taken care of.

Don't do anything rash. Not everyone at my school knew what I had surgery for but they were so supportive when I finally did go back. I went back a different person and am now even better than I was. I run a special ed program at a high school and the school is pretty big. My surgery was all preventative so it was different from yours. I made the choice to have the procedure and am very glad I did. Yours was because it needed to be done.

Enough babbling. Give your co workers a chance, I think you will be surprised at how they will react. I to felt as if I had nothing in common with my work mates. I was wrong. Yes they asked questions and I answered but I felt as if I was going through the motions of being there. True, I couldn't have anymore kids and two of my teachers just had babies. That really sent the emotional side of this whole thing rolling. I also considered changing schools. I am so glad I didn't. The staff at my school are my biggests supporters right now. Going to a new place may be more harmful. They won't understand if you all of a sudden start to cry, they may think you are just wierd. NO you are not wierd but who knows how some people think.

Hang in there, things get better. Think very carefully about making any serious changes. It may not work the way you would want.

Changing jobs can add stress, physically and emotionally. This may not be the best time to make a change. You may find support returning to your old job rather than the challenges of a new work place with "strangers".
I am used to being the leader and helping others..its a whole new thing to be dependent and needy. Now, if changing jobs has been a heart's desire for awhile and you are truly ready to move on...then hey, its a new day!
Good Luck either way!

I understand totally. I have had great support from many of my long time colleagues and see them often, but I bumped into one I had not had contact with since my op. She just walked up said hello, how are you, (nice smile and genuine) was I coming back next week? I just smiled back, said no and really could not say anymore - there is so much gone on inbetween and she would not understand and I did not know where to begin. I have had loads of support from all friends, I teach in a secondary school, but have been disappointed that no-one from the senior management has contacted me. I feel,I should go for a visit, but cannot face everyone.

However, I'm sure that they would be devastated if you left. I admit that I have not been supportive to anyone, ever, in the way I have needed it, so am trying not to blame anyone that has not been through this. My resolve is to be very supportive to anyone I know going through any op., particularly a hyst. in future.
You say that you work with a wonderful bunch of women, have they been good to you through this? I hope so. You will still have things in common with them, just not this. Its amazing how quickly we feel 'out of things'.
Take care.

I used to work in my company's corporate headquarters. There were about 100 people there, and most are women. A high percentage of those women are evidently quite fertile, because it seemed like we had a baby shower for someone almost every month that I was in that office - 3 1/2 years. I would have found it very difficult to go back to that environment with all the fussing over babies all the time, etc. One day I know it won't be such a fresh emotional ouch, but if I had to go back there next week I'd have a hard time.

I'm now in our satellite office in Santa Fe, and the women around me are closer to menopausal age, 45-60. One woman has even had this same surgery a couple years ago. I don't think I'll have as tough a time being around these women because we'll all be talking night sweats and hot flashes and HRT and soy products, etc. And if we're looking at baby pictures, it's someone's grandchild - not quite so personal.

I can understand how you feel about not fitting in or relating. Perhaps at least a part of that is an internal struggle you're having with this change in your life. For instance, if I were still back in that Kansas office, I would likely feel that people would see me differently. Reality being that they probably wouldn't, but my inner feelings would still be there. Feelings aren't wrong, but the reason for them can be misinformation or misimpression sometimes.

Though there wouldn't be anything said directly, I would probably feel a bit left out of all the baby shower planning, etc. - that some might not include me in as their own attempt to be sensitive and caring. It would be awkward on both sides of the equation, at least for a little while.

In that situation, I'd be very seriously considering counseling to help me "over the hump" until I had some coping skills in place to help me put others, and myself, at ease.

I hope for you that you can find peace with the struggle you are having.