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Unread 06-03-2004, 09:48 PM
Women die from this

and I am freaking out.

I know I can vent here so here goes....

The absolute love of my life is my 12 yr old son. My surgery is 6/8 and he is leaving with his paternal granparents for Disney on 6/5. And I am scared to death.

Due to life circumstances I gave a son up for adoption 5 years ago. It was the best decision for him. I was a single mom at the time and my fiance (his father) suddenly decided he didn't want to be a dad to my then 6 yr old son. So I told him goodbye. Then 2 days later I find out that I am 6 wks preggo. I knew immediately that this was for a reason and that I had no right to impose my bad life decisions on yet another child. I was not emotionally, physically, or financially able to support 2 children alone. So I placed him for adoption with an absolutely wonderful family. I still get pics & everything!

Now with the surgery looming, I am going through the normal jitters and freaking out over it but I also have the added worry that something will happen to my son or me while he is vacationing. I am almost in tears constantly over this.

I do not want to have any more children. My husband and I are in agreement that we don't want any more. (God blessed me with a wonderful Christian man who truly loves me and mine.) And I really want the pain to end. So surgery is the right thing for me. But I have that fear in the back of my mind... what if something happened to my son?

What if something happened to me? Women die from this. What kind of prep should I do for my son before he leaves? I know the answer is just love him like normal and try not to freak him out too. But.....

Any advice is appreciated. Thank you....
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Unread 06-03-2004, 10:13 PM
Women die from this

Look at what it says beneath your name............

Trust in the lord with all your heart.....it says it all sister

Fears are normal, I had the same fears, im a nurse all the things i knew could happen went through my mind days before my surgery....your are going to make it through this and be back here writing us all....i personally will put you in my prays and im sure all the other sisters here will also, with all my complications I had the sisters were here for me,each and every day prayers were with me and you do have to trust in the lord, the only thing you tell your son is how much you love him and to have a good time in disney land....good luck and your on my pray list....
Unread 06-03-2004, 10:26 PM
Women die from this

Oh, honey, big, big s to you! Connie is right---you have to believe in your tag line. Have faith! We all know that there are risks to this surgery, in all surgeries, but look at how many are done w/out any complications at all. The odds are in your favor! I will lift you up in prayer!
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Unread 06-03-2004, 10:43 PM
Women die from this

I really understand your fears. This is where you must let the Lord take over. He will take care of your children (yes, both of them!) whether you are 'alive' or not. He only loans our children to us anyway, as you know. We adopted two children (now 23 and 26) and I knew they were 'on loan' to us.

Your fears, with or without the adoption, are normal. I was so afraid I wrote 'notes' to all my children before my surgery. They were mushy and maudlin about how much I loved them. I emailed them to myself so that they would not just be lying around. In the event I didn't die on the operating table , I did not want the letters discovered. My family would never have let me hear the end of it.

Pre-surgery jitters are more common than not. Remember that the Lord will take care of you and your family. You will do very well. Afterwards, you'll probably chuckle at how worried you were (I know *I* do!!).

By the way, the preparation I gave my children was to remind them that the Lord loves them. If they accept Him as their savior (which three of them have), then they know that we wil all be together for eternity, regardless of what happens in this life.

We have no guarantees on anything here on earth--we only know where we will be forever after we leave. You don't have to go into all that detail--just tell him how much you love him, how much his grandparents love him, and how much God loves him. Try not to let him see that you are worried about his trip. You can let him know that you would love some prayers for your peace about the surgery.
Unread 06-03-2004, 11:04 PM
Women die from this

Whew! God is awesome. It is hard to type this right now through the tears. The peace that flooded my soul after reading these messages and realizing that my worrying will not solve anything. I know from personal experience how magnificient God is and what He can accomplish. Thank you for reminding me.

A few minutes ago I took my son's face in my hands and told him I needed to just look at him for a minute. He smiled and kissed me. And before he left the room gave me a quick hug and told me he loved me. Tonight during our quiet time I will ask him to pray for us while we are apart.

Thank you again.
Unread 06-03-2004, 11:17 PM
Women die from this

How I wish my parents could have taken my children to Disney when I had my surgery!!! He'll have a good time, your parents will be completely worn out and he will be well distracted from his fear of losing YOU. He'll get there and back safely and you will be over the very worst of the post-op pain before you see him again. Really, you couldn't possibly have set this up any smarter. Be smug. Be confident--he's safer with your parents than he would be on a skateboard in the park, right?

You're awfulizing which is something I am absolutely famous for, but I also recognize when I've planned everything as well as possible. Once you've done the best you can you have to let go--and rmeember, as pessimists, when things go right we get to enjoy being pleasantly surprised.

You have planned this beautifully. Awesome. Perfect. Be proud of yourself. What a great idea.

Yeah, things can go wrong, but then an asteroid can hit the earth. You can't worry about everything. Odds are good the worst things they'll run into are overpriced food and long lines.

Anyway in a few days you'll be on those wonderful narcotics and you won't be able to worry.

In the meantime, kiddo, make some casseroles and freeze them, buy some new slippers, and otherwise pamper yourself a little bit.

Oh, and buy some Thermacare wraps. Those things were absolutely priceless to me. I had back pain in the hospital, and a stiff neck. You'd be surprised how comforting they are...they stay warm, but not too warm, for about 8 hours. I trim the ones intended for the back so they'll go around my neck--the adhesive ones for the neck dont' stay on my skin for some reason. Guess I'm too oily-skinned.

As far as you dying, there's surely nothing you can possibly do to prevent that and it's so rare. You are doing everything right. Mind your doctor, eat sensibly, and once you've done all YOU can do, then give it to the Lord. Do you pray for your doctor? I pray for all my doctors, especially when their hands are going to be operating on me.

TVH 4/18. They took uterus, tubes, ovaries, and cervix, but left my sweet spirit and great sense of humor, though those were asleep for awhile and only recently have begun to work again. Haha. I'm better than I was pre-op now, and so glad I did it.
Unread 06-03-2004, 11:44 PM
Women die from this

Im not overly religious but I do believe in God so I go with the other posts. Plus the odds of anything happening are probably equal to some other daily event like walking down the stairs and falling over, I am sure some statistician somewhere has all the figures.

I had a go on a microlite a couple of weeks ago as DH encouraged me as he loves to go in them - it was scary but amazing looking at the countryside from what is basically a motorised hangglider. The pilot told me that there was more chance of me getting killed in a car accident than having a fatal accident in it. It didnt make me feel better at the time.

I dont think anyone can ever be prepared for what is about to happen properly be it a nice event like a holiday or an accident or death in the family. My dad died at the bottom of our garden planting one of his favourite trees whilst my mum and I were blissfully unaware of anything going on whilst nuturing my then newly born daughter. Dad had made no preparations for anything but we coped though somehow. I found him there and even remembering that is well - scary reminds me of our mortality at any time. But its only the body that is gone his spirit and his memories live on.

Concentrate on the positives and the reason you are having this surgery. It is normal to be scared, cos I am very scared at the moment. But you cannot change the inevitable and if the big guy wants you whether its during picking petunias in the garden or on the operating table then we havent a choice in that.

I hope that this doesnt sound opionated or anything but trying to put things in perspective does help sometimes.

Unread 06-04-2004, 12:20 AM
Women die from this

It might help put your mind at ease if you made out a will. Even a hand-written note is legal if it's the only one. Just scribble it out and sign and date it. Seal it in an envelope and tell your spouse to keep it but don't open it unless (God forbid!) it's necessary. My will has an addendum-- a list of the names and addresses of all the people who need to know of my passing. It does squash some of the fear.
Unread 06-04-2004, 01:24 AM
Women die from this

That's a good point. My mom had a good friend who passed away, but she had left not even an address book out where her family could find it, so it was months before my mom found out she had lost her friend. She just kept sending cards till someone answered by calling her to tell her. I know Jayne would never have worried her friends that way intentionally and if she'd been up to preparing for the end she knew was coming, it would have comforted her to do that for her friends who would miss her so much. She was too sick to do any such thing, however--nothing at all was in order. Those of us who do face a slight risk of death from a pre-planned procedure CAN set our affairs more in order, and the benefits will last far beyond the immediate procedure we're almost certain to survive anyway.
Unread 06-04-2004, 07:42 AM
Women die from this

First of all I want to thank you for the unselfish ultimate act of love you showed to your second child and the people who adopted him. I'm an adoptive mother.
I firmly believe God will watch over you especially.
I don't know the maturity of your 12 year old , but it would be fair to let him know that what you are having done is going to be dangerous, but you feel you'll do fine, that you love him very much and his dad is there for him. Ask Grand ma and grand pa to let your son call you after the surgery while still in the hospital so he can be assured you are ok and enjoy his trip.
I did this with my kids so they would have a little bit of preperation just in case.
Something to keep in mind is woman die more often by NOT having this done when it is needed.
You are a special person..God will watch over you..just believe that he will help you through and he will.
I will look for you in the post op area.
Best wishes to you..I will pray for your success

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