My brother just called. They're having another baby.
He gave his first daughter away - so her step dad could adopt her. Now he & his wife have 2 daughters... and the baby is due in January.
Why is it that he gets to have 4 precious children and I don't get to have ANY? I'm so tired of hearing "God has a plan" and "You can always adopt"... Doesn't anyone realize how much it is killing me that my biggest dream is gone? I grieve every single day for the children I won't have. My heart never stops hurting. I ache when I see babies.
I just don't know how I can be happy for him when it's killing me. Thanks for letting me at least get it off my chest.
This is a hard time for you when others are having children. I wish I could take away this pain for you. I don't know what God's plan is for you or any of us, but I do know that he wants us to be the best that we can be in this journey called life, whatever that is for you and me.
I will pray for you and for all the blessings that you do have and may have in this wonderful world.
You are special and have lots of love to give or you wouldn't have the feelings that you do.
I feel your pain.
I have been exactly where you are now, but miraculously, today I am a different person.
I have never been able to get pregnant, but am a mother by adoption. Adoption is NOT for everyone, and I know how annoying it is when people tell you "oh you can adopt". That doens't change the fact that you are grieving your OWN fertility.
You must take the time to grieve your loss. Maybe talking to a counsellor or therapist would help. I know it did help me.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I have been very blessed with two children of my own, but wanted more. A friend of mine had a baby a couple of weeks ago. I still can't bear to go see her and the baby. It just hurts too badly. My husband and I are thinking of becoming foster parents. Please know we're all here for you anytime you need to vent.
I was never able to have a baby, either. I have experienced the same emotions you describe, when someone who appears to have even "more kids than they deserve" reports that they're going to have yet another one.
First of all, don't feel pressured to "have to" feel happy for him. You deserve to own whatever feelings you have, without having to conjure up fake ones.
I have found that the way to stop a heart from aching is to "fill it." If you don't have plans to fill it through adoption, then fill it with something else. Find a cause that you believe in. Do abandoned pets that get euthanized every day make you sad? How about disabled war veterans who live lonely lives without company? When you read about something in a newspaper that makes you sad, make a phone call to find out how you can get involved and help. Of course, it's not the same as being able to bear offspring. Nothing can "replace" that particular loss. But, if you get involved with a meaningful cause, I would wager that the empty heart of yours will be a little less empty, and ache much less. I haven't quite figured out the "science" of how this really works, but I truly belive there's something to it!
I have a very good friend who is not able to have kids. I have been there for her during diffferent surgeries to try and improve her chances or getting pregnant. My heart goes out to those that aren't able to have children. I see how it affects my dear friend. She was so supportive for me during my hysterectomy. I pray for her every nite that she will be able to get pregnant. she has a postive attitude about it all but I know she gets sad.
I am actually dealing with the exact same feelings as you right now. I don't have any children and can't have them in the future. It is so hard!!!! I get tired of hearing about "God's plan" too but really it is all that I have to cling to right now. I have faith that God knows what he is doing with my life.
I agree with Carmen, fill the emptiness with something that makes you feel good. I found that having pets really helped me. They count on me for everything and that makes me feel good. It definately is no substitute for a baby but it always feels nice when my kitty cuddles up on my lap.
Give yourself time to sort out your feelings about a new neice/nephew. I know that it is hard and I wish you the very best.
Keep your faith in God,
To Bek (for your friend) or anyone who still stands any chance of getting pregnant.
H Bek and anyone interested.
I learned this too late to benefit myself and I am not offering false hope but I know of something that seems to help people conceive..young healthy people anyway.
Decrease temperature of the hot water heater slightly.
Take off the shower head in your shower and attach a shower massage on a hose.
Men should take a shower, not a tub bath.
Men should wear boxers not briefs.
Having a garden tub might help too.
The home next door to me is a rental and a friend and myself finally think we figured out why almost all women who lived there even for a month, get pregnant. (About 4-6 in the past 6 years)
We believe it is the hot water heater temperature..the shower massage on the "hose" and the garden tub.
Wish I had found the place in my younger days.
Not false hope here, just information that may help someone.
I don't have any children either.
If anyone is trying to get pregnant, don't eat pumpkin seeds at all..they kill and expel things and could cause someone to lose baby. Pumpkin seeds can make menstruation start or be very heavy too.
I would not eat many other yellow vegetables, like No pumpkin at all, little or no pineapple, squash, carrots or sweet potatoes...the beta carotene in much quantity is poisonous or toxic and I believe that carrot seeds may be used for birth control in other countries.
I just learned this in the past few years...too late to be of help to me but maybe it will help someone else.
Beta carotene is helpful for vision but women of childbearing years should be careful not to get too much.
I post this with greatest respect for those who can't have children but there may be someone on here who still can.
Hope this helps someone.
Crystal, I share in your frustration..and I ask too, why do the people who don't even want childen get to have them and why not us?
I have siblings who have chidren and now my siblings are grandparents.
I know what you mean about wondering if you can be happy for your brother.
If it hurts you to be around them, then don't...you have a right to be happy and do not need to cause yourself pain by being there.
People who have children and grandchildren can be mean spirited and selfish with their children.
But when they need my help in any way, they always manage to find me somehow and call, no matter where I am.
I am very sorry that you are having a difficult time.