9 months post-op

The past week I have been crying my eyes out at night. This Wednesday, July 7, 2004, marks my one year anniversary of my laparscopic surgery to supposidly remove an ovarian cyst, but lead to the discovery of Stage IV endometriosis, which lead to my October 7, 2004 TAH/LSO. I try not to think about the "anniversaries", but it is impossible, because this is when, last year, my life got turned upside down. You'd think I was having the surgery all over again because I have a slight case on insomnia. This is why I am writing this post at 11:15PM. I will also be 9 months post-op July 7th for the TAH/LSO. Physically I look good. I still cannot lift heavy objects. I still cannot run laps. Emotionally, like now, I have my moments. What hurts is that my 4 month old nephew is now recognizing my face. he talks to me, and is now discovering his hands and touching. He touches my face and it breaks my heart. He touches my dep down to my heart and soul, I ache. I guess my questions is this: could the approcahong anniversary of my laparoscopic surgery, added with my nephew touching my face and talking to me, be making me depressed and cry a lot? Another question: When does all crying cease? I guess I hurt more because I am 29 and never had a baby. Maybe my pain would be less if I had had a child by now. Is this true? Does having a baby prior to a hysterectomy lessen the emotional pain?


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Kristen,

I am sorry you are going through this. I am not sure how long you will have these feelings, but I wanted to send you a big .

Your little nephew sounds precious and you must be a proud aunt. I had an aunt that I adored , she dotted on me and played with me. She was a favorite aunt. He is one lucky fellow to have you. You sound like a very special person.

You may be going over a slight hump right now with your emotions and thinking about the anniversaries. I am hoping this will pass and you can get strong and be able to heal and do things you like to do.

I think it is hard to have this surgery either before having children or after having children. Surgery is just so invasive and it is hard to lose a part of you. Sometimes we just don't have a choice and we try to have a better quality of life.

We all are trying to adjust from this surgery physically and emotionally. If we can just not let it get us down and control us then we can move on to better things.

I hope you can get pass this tough time ,and the loss will feel a lttle lighter every day.

Every day is a brand new beginning

s

Hi Kristen,
I agree with what Sue has said.... both that anniversaries sure can throw us off balance.--- and that your nephew is lucky to have an aunt who has such deep feelings and wants to love.

I don't know if the pain of not being able to bear your own child will ever go away completely, but I feel fairly sure that it will lessen a bit as time goes on.--- I think it is similar to losing a loved one -- you never forget them, but after a while it doesn't hurt so much to remember them.

I think we truly do have to give ourselves permission to grieve and feel badly -- we have to acknowledge the emotional pain and sorrow we go through after this surgery --- we don't all greive for exactly the same reasons, but this surgery is still the trigger for a lot of emotional pain. if we don't grieve I think we can't heal.


I hope that your pain lessens with time, and that you can start healing emotionally very soon