Broody blues

Hi sisters!
Once again this site has managed to persuade me that I am not alone in what I'm going through.
I am 34 and had TAH last March. I have this overwhelming urge to cry every time I see a baby, read about babies, or even see a nappy advert on TV!
I have a friend who is 8 months pregnant and it is difficult to be around her right now, and I know that right now is when she needs me.
I don't know what to do,I have even thought about speaking to my GP, to give me something to help me through this.
I have two girls 5 and 7, I didn't want any more than that. My DB had a vasectomy 5 yrs ago.
I am sitting here typing this in tears again. I can't explain to my family, especially my girls, why I am crying. They keep looking for ouch's to put plasters on. How do you explain that I am crying because my heart is breaking, I even dreamt last night I was pregnant, the baby kicked me awake, and there I lay crying into my pillow, because it was just a dream.
I just needed to put this down to someone who knows how it feels, who can understand, sorry for moaning.

Hi Tanns;
I sooo relate to how you are feeling. Right before I had my TVH I had a very vivid real dream that they wouldn't do the surgery because I was pregnant. In the dream I was going around holding my belly saying, "I can't believe it, I'm pregnant!" Oh how I wish that dream were true. The fact is, I'm unable to get pregnant, before my surgery that is. I do not have children, have never been blessed with them. A lady at my work recently had a baby, and she brought her in to my office to show me, and I couldn't hold the baby! I couldn't even look at her beautiful little girl baby. I'm embarrased to say I was even mad she brought her in. I felt so many things at once. Tanns, you have children, love them, do something very special for them when you feel down like this. It will help I think. Not that you don't do special things I'm sure, and not that you don't love them. But if I had kids, I would put all my love into them when I felt like this. Instead, I give my little dog and my kitty and my husband lots of special love when it gets to me. And you aren't moaning. You are grieving. That is to be expected. I'm grieving too, for the babies I'll never have. My heart feels so swelled sometimes for love to give to a child, and one day I'm going to look into foster parenting or even adoption. I just wanted to let you know that I understand how you feel. This is so hard. Such an emotional decision and procedure. But there is healing in the tears. You are healing. God bless you and I'll keep you in my prayers, hope this was helpful.
Love,
sue.

Hi,

I am sorry you are having a hard time with these emotions right now. It sure is not easy, but I wanted to give you a big and hope that this will all come to pass and get better for you every day.

s

Hi Taans,

I can definitely relate to what you are talking about. Today I was at the hospital for lab tests to check blood count due to anemia and there was two pregnant women in the waiting room. When I entered the two women as well as others sitting around them were talking about their pregnancies/pregnancy experiences.....I was really beginning to feel sad and was screaming from within "I don't want to hear this...please stop" I could never have biological children due to the extent of my endo plus preovarian failure thus I'll never know what it feels like to carry a child, give birth, etc. Before the hyst for some reason I didn't fully accept the fact (avoided it), however now there's no denying it.

One of the pregnant ladies was actually a young teenager who was in an abusive relationship with her now exbf...must have been pretty bad as she had a broken arm which she said he was responsible for. I'm not a judgemental person, but I find myself thinking at times...God, it's not fair that this person or that person can have children and I can't even have one...I then get upset at myself for thinking that way....I try to remind myself that they're just feelings and feelings aren't always rational. I have 5 sisters and 1 brother.....all have 2-4 children....it's really hard to talk to my family because although I know they can feel my pain they really can't understand the extent of it. I'm really angry that I had no control/choice over the matter (infertility....did everything possible to preserve it) and am trying to work through that.

I'm glad to hear that others are considering fostering/adoption. I have adopted and my little girl is the light of my life. I will say the adoption adds another emotional complexity though that needs to be worked through. I had always wanted to adopt even before I found out about the infertility so in no way do I consider my daughter second best. As a matter of fact even if I could have had a bio child after the adoption I don't think I would have because I'd never want my daughter to think she was second....I'm just grieving that the choice was taken from me. And the suggestion made to you about focusing on your children is a good one....when having those grief moments, I try to remind myself how very blessed I am to have my daughter in my life.

Just also wanted to let you know that you are not alone and as said before: we all have to experience the grief and work it through so that we can move on with our lives even though the process of working it through can be very painful at times. Take Care, Deb