Loving daughter

Hi,

Well I am ready for my Dec.27 Date. I have one problem that I know I should feel lucky about. I have this wonderful daughter that loves me a lot. She is 35 with 2 kids, ages 6 months and 21 months. She has her hands full. She is planning to come down (75 miles) to my house to take care of me during my operation. She plans to be with me up till they take me into surgery, sit with me all day and stay the night in the hospital if needed. She is making arrangement for baby sitters for a week or so. It is really great but her Dad is here and can do so much. My fear is I will not get any rest as I will feel I need to talk to her when awake. I feel I will need so rest. I would NEVER hurt her feelings and I feel so proud that she cares so much ... so what do I do?

I know so many of you have the exact opposite problem and I am truely blessed that this is the only problem I have.

Any suggestions will be really appreciated.

Allayne

Allayne you are one very lucky woman. Accept your daughter's love and care with a smile! She will understand your need for rest! To do this for you means a lot to her!
Bogie
SAH 1/5/01

You're lucky to have so much help! My Mom and 16-year-old sister spent a lot of time with me the first week, and they were VERY understanding when I just dropped off to sleep in the middle of a conversation! Don't worry - she'll understand!

Allayne,

I know how you feel, although in my case, it was my 75 year old mother who was insisting on driving here to take care of me. I knew from past experience that (although she has the best of intentions) having her here when I'm ill is more work for all involved. (It makes me crazy to be hovered over.) It was difficult for me to speak to her honestly, but I told her--gently, but firmly--that I knew my husband and friends could care for me and that we just weren't up to having a visitor in the house. Now, 2 and 1/2 weeks post-op, I'm more than confident that this was the right strategy. I've gotten far more rest than I would have gotten with her here to "help" me. In the meantime, DH has provided the perfect blend of help without hovering and without any need to be entertaining. Perhaps you could encourage your daughter to visit 3or 4 weeks post-op when your energy will be returning and you'll be able to enjoy her company.

Good luck!
Renny

This sounds a lot like the situation I had to deal with,
in reverse, my mother-in-law wanted to come down and help out after my surgery. Actually she wanted to come down at Christmas (which she is) and then stay for several weeks (which she isn't). I know she means well and has the best of intentions but she stayed with us to "help out" after our second child was born and frankly it wore me out then and I was only 22 yrs old at the time.
We get along very well but she's a high maintance person and when she is here I feel like I must entertain her, she is company.
I don't need or want company after my hysterectomy!
We told her nicely but firmly that hubby (her son) would take a week off work to stay with me and that we were hiring someone to come in and do the cleaning for awhile.

My advice? Be kind loving and firm with you daughter.
Tell her you appreciate her willingness to help but that you just don't feel you'll be up to having extra people in the house.
If she does come perhaps your doctor could be enlisted to spell out the amount of rest you will be requiring after surgery.
This is a time to be selfish about what you need! As women we often (usually) consider others before ourselves but at this time you need to think of yourself first.

Good luck!

Hi Allayne, This past year I have been on both sides of your situation. From Feb. until Aug. I spent much of the time with my mother who was diagnoised with ovarian cancer in April. She is now stable and able to be alone again. This was a good time for us despite the sit. Just spentding quiet time together because she definitly was not feeling good. But when she felt like talking she shared memories I would probably never known. Now I am in the other position. My time has come to have my hyster and my daughter wants to come help for the first two weeks. My initial reaction was to tell her not to come. She lives 9 hours away. I tried to talk her out of it. Her response was "Mom I can't imagine not being there." I'm sorry this got so long. What I really want to say is relax and let her be there for you.