I'm so depressed about my life

My BF who works at the same place as me tells me each evening about people asking how I am doing. So I thought I would send everybody an email letting people know I'm ok and thank them for thinking of me. Which prompted my boss to call me.

My boss is really nice. But she's East Coast hyperdrive and I'm laid back Santa Barbara. Suddenly like a big whoosh all the stress of my job is back and I'm so depressed.

I don't know what it is about my job, can't put my finger on it, but I just don't want to go back. I can't handle the stress. I feel like such a loser, too, because I can't even tell you what the stress is. I'm terrified now.

I also feel like a loser because I've never done the same type of job for more than 5 years in a row. I have no ambition to climb any kind of ladders. I'll never have a baby so I'll never have a good excuse not to work (which would be my only reason to have one, so good thing I never did!). I'm half way through my recovery and the end is getting way too near. I'm so depressed. I have no idea what to do.

I wish I could cry or something, but all I can do is sit here with that panicky feeling in my chest that I get about my job. I can't quit because I have no where else to go, nothing else I know how to do that makes any kind of decent money. And my BF's future is so uncertain that I can't really make plans for my own.

Trapped. Panicky. That's what I feel.

Moral of the story: Don't make contact with your job if you can help it.

Oh man, what should I do?

I am sorry you are feeling panicky about your job. I have found the time away each time, I think about other things I want to do. Is there anything that you are interested in? Maybe you could take some classes?
I am a nurse and after my hyst, I wanted out of nursing, I even thought about taking classes to learn how to do nails and change careers..LOL
But I have been too sick to hardly even work to do anything at this point.
I am looking toward a future of maybe not being able to work at all, so my mind is constantly going 100 miles /hr.
yes, everytime I talk to work, it is the same thing. They called here once while I was out with DH for lunch one day and they asked, "so where were you when I called"...like, if you can go out, you can come back to work..ya know?
You know what I say....bite them!

((((((((Soini))))))))))) I am so sorry you are feeling like this. I know that was exactly how I felt thinking about going back to work. AS you know, I no longer have to. I also have never held down a job for long, bouncing from one thing to another. But you know what?? It is ok....It is ok to feel stress about going back. It is ok to not want to go back. Is there a way you can find something new, maybe quit, take a break and rest and rediscover what you really want to do? I am 38 and finally decided what I want to be when and if I grow up....

Why not look into school and find something new. You are only a few months older than me! It is not too late to go back and explore career opportunities....

Keep your chin up sweety!! It will work out in the end. Look for the rainbow that is there! If you need to talk or anything, email me. I am ready willing and able to help you at all if I can....
Hugs
Kat

Hi there Soini --

Your posting struck a chord with me. While no one is bothering me at work (I chose not to tell anyone what type of surgery I am having except a best friend), I feel the same way in that I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK --- whaaaa!!!:run3:
Now attempting to move in a postitive space, you might want to consider is looking for a * new opportunity *. Perhaps registering on monsterboard or looking at craig's list might help you at least think about other possibilities -- even if you may not immediately be ready to change companies, new opportunities are not only an ego booster, but also may give you hope for the future so that you can potentiallt think of your current job as temporary. Just a thought.
The other thing is that there are professional coaches that offer free consultations as a trial. Maybe they can help you!!!
Santa Barbara is such a wonderful place to live.... Maybe going for a walk along the beach might help you relax. I would love to retire there!!! But have not even startd to look into it. If the weather is bad, perhaps a good funny movie -- but make sure that you have a big pillow to hold your tummy!!!
My funny movie recos include:
Dickie Roberts - Child TV Star (Very silly with lot of has-been old TV stars -- I just saw this last night and laughed my head off!)
Zoolander
Best in Show

I hope that these ideas help!

Sorry you aren't doing so well right now.

Some people are lucky enough to know what they want to do with their lives, for other people it takes awhile. Can you use the time left to maybe start checking into other jobs that your skills might transfer to? You might be surprised to find what is out there! Even though you will probably be going back to your old job, doesn't mean you can't look for something new while you're there. Is there anyone you can safely network with and not let your boss know? Maybe starting to check the internet now for new jobs will help with some of the stress - we'll be here to help you with the rest.





Sara

marianwrn: "They called here once while I was out with DH for lunch one day and they asked, "so where were you when I called"...like, if you can go out, you can come back to work..ya know?"

Yes, I know! I guess she tried to call me one other time, but I never even got a message. At least she didn't say anything like that about it. But today's call was all full of information about what she'd like me to do when I get back.

Harley_kat, thanks for your kind words. I did know that you lost your job, and I never posted anything on the thread you started about that because I was secretly jealous. Like I was secretly jealous when they fired my boyfriend.

I'm always going to school. When will I ever figure it out? My latest adventure was Landscape Maintenance. But I haven't finished the class because of this surgery. It's kind of hopeless to think I would ever do that, anyway, since I don't know how to do anything with my hands and don't know anything about gardening. And who would hire a white middle class lady who feels sorry for gophers to do that sort of thing anyway?

I'm just too scared of people, I think. If I wasn't afraid of people maybe I could be my own boss. But that would mean believing I was good at something.

Whine whine whine. Anybody know how to make time stand still?

I took almost 8 weeks off and had a hard time getting back in the game. I couldn't really put my finger on it, I just lacked any motivation. I'm 13 weeks PO now and finally feeling happy about my work. I think there are just so many emotions rolling around, it's difficult sometimes to focus and get back to "normal"

Hang in there, and I wouldn't make any rash decisions about your job until at least the 3 month PO time. give yourself plenty of space.

Hi Soini,

I also dreaded going back to work and I love my job. It turned out it was not nearly as scary as I had imagined and now I am so happy to be back. For me it was feeling out of the loop, being gone so long. Would I be able to pick up where I left off?

I'm certainly no psychiatrist, but here goes anyway....maybe what's important is to find out what's causing this stress and anxiety. Is it because you're afraid you won't measure up? If so, you may take that feeling with you wherever you work. Or maybe it's because your personality does not fit with the kind of work you do. In that case, it might be a good idea to think about a new career.

Have you ever tried the Meyers-Briggs tests? You can find them on line and based on your personality they tell you things like what jobs your personality type would be happiest in. It helped me make a big career decision years ago.

And please don't feel like a loser because you've switched jobs. If something isn't working for you, why would you want to stay with it? Maybe the real loser is someone who stays in a miserable job for the rest of their lives!

Christina

It will soon be one year since my surgery. I had no idea how much I'd enjoy my six weeks off, and how it would change me. I am a Sr. VP in a bank. I have an extremely stressful job and with how awful I felt before my surgery - it amazes me I could trudge from day to day.

I thoroughly enjoyed my time off, having it be during the holidays no doubt contributed, but I absolutely dreaded going back. But, I had people depending on me and let's just say, we could have found a way to get by without my salary, but our lifestyle was such that it was a part of it!

My job hasn't changed that much, but I have. I give what I need to give to my job, but I've found a balance as well. I have found time to exercise just about every day, I don't let my job overwhelm me - I am fair to my employer by giving a full day's worth, but when the day is over, it's over.

Would I still like to have the freedom to not work? Yes. But, since that's not really a reality for me, I've found a lot of comfort in finding a way to control my job, rather than it control me.

Hopefully, this helps.....I know it sounds like a lot of psycho-babble, but it really has made a difference - Must be all that Oprah I watched when I was off work!

I can relate, believe me. I was SO happy to be out of work for 8 weeks...I would have another hyster if I could do it again!!!

I plotted, dreamed, and schemed for a way out of going back, but reality set in when the hospital bill arrived!

No one called like your boss did, but I had contact with several co-workers who gave me an "earful".

What I DID get out of my time off and my "plotting" was the realization that I am NOT going to get so bent out of shape over it...recovery comes first. THEN...I am going to start looking at alternatives, once I am back to 100%, which I anticipate would be in the spring...

I'm not all that ambitious anymore either...I'd be happy to sit at home and relax and live a very low-key lifestyle...

What I found also was that trying to figure all this out AND recover too was too much stress on me...just look out for yourself and turn off the phone. I told people I was "not available"...I was resting and talking to no one. It worked pretty well.

If you can afford it, now might also be the time to "give notice"!

But I pretty much agree with the previous poster...I returned to work as a "new" person in similar ways: got my priorities straight AND I don't feel so lousy that every little thing overwhelms me like it did before...that makes a HUGE difference. I make good money and right now I need every cent of it!

Who knows? By the end of your time off you may be bouncing off the walls and eager to get back into the thick of things...this recovery stuff is full of surprizes!



Deb