Pre-Op Tears

I had my pre-op appt. with my Gyno tonight. While I was sitting in the exam room waiting for him, I was doing really well, until I noticed a poster. I've seen it a hundred times before and never thought anything about it. Tonight it got me really upset. I broke down twice before he came in. When he did I asked if we could talk in his office. He froze as he was sitting down and said that was fine. I could see his reflection in the mirror (I never looked in his direction because the poster was behind him) and saw his puzzled concern look. I told him that the poster was really upsetting me. He turned around and saw it. We went into his office and talked.

The poster was the standard one they have in those offices. "The Baby Inside You." It showed the baby's growth inside the mother trimester through trimester. It hit me hard. "The Baby Inside You."

Kindred,

It is completely understandable that you would react that way to the poster in your GYN's office. I'm sorry that you had to go through that, but I am proud of you for telling your GYN what upset you and why. He sounds like a compassionate doctor and that is important because the emotions that well up because of the prospect of hysterectomy have been overwhelming to me and I'm sure to you as well.

When I first considered the possibility all I could think was about the loss. Now that I have researched things, I am realizing what I will gain. My quality of life should improve and with that, my emotional health and overall well-being.

Hopefully, you opened up a new perspective to your GYN today. They may be more careful what room they use for hysterectomy and/or infertility consultations. Somethings just need to be pointed out for changes to be made.

Stay well and have a smooth surgery and recovery. Keep us posted!

Maggiemay

ditto on what Maggiemay said.... s to you!

I echo your sorrow and difficult feelings. I am just beginning to deal with this loss...and it is just that...a loss. I already warned my husband that this "loss" will be hard for me.

My OBGYN visit a week out from surgery was hard too...lots of pregnant women...lots of women with their teeny tiny babies. There is a wall size bulletin board filled with baby pictures and almost everyone of the magazines was a parenting magazine. I now almost feel like women who have had babies belong to a "club" that I cannot belong to. I have known for a long time that I "MIGHT NOT" ever be able to have biological children and I mostly dealt with that. But now, I'm dealing with the fact that I will "NOT EVER" be able to have biological children...ever...and that's a whole separate issue altogether. I agree...there are reminders everywhere. This will be a healing process...it's a healing process if you've been able to have children and now are not able to have any more...AND if you've never been able to have children at all. God bless.

Congratulations for saying how you feel, especially in that situation! I know I can fully relate to your thoughts about the difference in having the remote possiblity versus no possibility of having kids. I thought all through my 30's that it would happen in good time ... then I got to my 40th birthday with a great husband, 4 dogs, no kids and into full-blown premature menopause.

My body fed my heart with the remote promise of a possibility of having kids by letting me occassionally have a period in this last year and a half ... which is not what you should be having when you're menopausal! Hence after more than a year of that, a D&C that didn't go as expected, many additional tests/procedures, HRT, etc. my Dr and I decided it was time to pursue the hysterectomy option. In prep for my surgery we did one last Pap smear, which, after all of this, would have to come back suspicious. Did the coloscopy thing, and luckily did not confirm any cancer activity. I will tell you though, at that point, I could not have my surgery fast enough. So that scare helped me get through the surgery without looking back.

Since surgery though, it does, at times, get hard to always keep a stiff upper lip when you see a glowing pregnant woman, or a newborn in a stroller. But, then I remember the fright I felt when I thought I might have cancer during those couple of weeks between getting the results from the pap and then from the coloscopy, and it becomes much easier for me to reconcile why I needed to be rid of my non-functioning "cancer magnets" as I had come to refer to my ovaries, uterus and cervix.

I guess, in the end, I am accepting the belief for myself that my path is different than what I might have aspired to, and given the option, I would rather have the opportunity to pursue whatever this path is, rather than not be here because I was obstinate in maintaining the illusion of fertility.

Here's wishing you find what allows you acceptance as you grieve your loss.