what to tell my kids -- young teens

the girls are 14 and 12.5.

obviously they need some information.

but I don't think they need all the gory details.

when I was 13 my aunt had a masectomy for breast cancer. no one ever told me what she had, but I figured it out anyhow.

my girls are both very bright. they're catching on that something is up, but they haven't asked questions yet.

so what do I tell them, and when?

Tell them as much as you are comfortable. I have a 13 year old DD. She had just studied the reproductive system when my date was set. We have had many conversations about my upcoming surgery. You might even show them a picture of what you're having removed.
My DD asked whether it was genetic to need to have a hysterectomy. I told her not neccessarily but if she has to face one later in life we will deal with it, so I would advise you to be prepared for your girls to have a better understanding than you think they will. I have 6 older sisters and none of them have ever faced this. If they do ask a question you don't know tell them you'll find out for them.
But don't try to hide it from them you said they were catching on that something is up. I grew up being sheltered don't do that to them that will only worsen things when they do find out.
Good luck and you're all in my prayers

My girls are 18 and 15 and they know I may need a hysterectomy sometime soon. I was open with them when my heavy flooding and clotting began last spring. They have both been with me when I have had to head home to change clothes due to flooding. I told them from the start because my mother always tried to shelter me and all it did was make my imagination run wild with much worse scenarios.

This question has come up before and some sisters have had their doctors talk to their children about the surgery. It might be a good idea, especially since they themselves will need to visit a GYN in the future. Talking to your doctor may help them learn to talk to and ask questions for their own health in the future.

Other posts have also asked about the children visiting you in the hospital and what they should do on surgery day. My choice will be to have them stay on their regular schedule for the day and if I feel up to it, have them visit me in the evening of the first day. If not, I would want them to come the next day. Just be sure to explain about the IV, catheter, inflating stockings and how you may react to painkillers ahead of time. I think seeing us in a hospital will be hard enough for them without any warning of what to expect.

I think it is also important to explain that just because you need surgery does not mean they will need surgery in the years ahead. Explain what you hope to gain by having the surgery and that you will be recovering slowly and that you will greatly appreciate their help and consideration while you recover. I'm hoping it will be a good opportunity to empower my daughters so that they won't be afraid of hospitals or taking charge of their own health.

You are the best judge of your daughters' maturity and how much information is enough (and not TMI!). Good luck and let us know how things go!

Maggiemay

The easiest way to deal with kids of any age in this situation is to be honest. I've got 3: 14 DD, 5 DS and 5 DD (twins). I sat them downa nd told them that I needed an operation, that the operation is called a hysterectomy and asked if they had any questions... My 14 DD already knew all about it and knew what would be done, my 5 DS surprised me by being the one to ask all the questions. He wanted details... Where are they going to cut, are they taking anything out, what are they taking out, will it grow back, can you get a new one? etc.

Kids will only ask for the info they can handle... My kids are very well versed in the human body and I've always been very honest with them, they know that they didn't come from my tummy, that they grew in my uterus... things like that.

Honesty is always the best policy! They should be old enough to handle this.

IMO, you should tell them ASAP. They'll need time to adjust to this too!

I agree to be honest.

Kids that age will dream up something far more exciting (and far worse) if they're not told -- they'll figure it must be "horrible" if they aren't allowed to know.

My dd was 16 when I had surgery, and she knew everything. Of course, she already knew I was having real problems every month, so she wasn't really all that shocked when I told her what I needed done.

I'd tell them the basics, then go into more detail only if they ask. As time goes on, they may want to know more -- but either way, it's OK.

My DS is 13 and wanted to know little bits of what was going on. Basically that I was having an operation called a hysterectomy. He asked what that was and I told him it was the removal of my uterus - didnt go into the BSO part. He wanted to know what the uterus did, so in as simple terms as I could go to, I told him that it was where I carried him/he lived for 9months before he was born. At that point he had enough information and was through asking questions. He has had his sex ed in middle school and is familiar with all the terms, but I guess didn't put it together with Mom. He hasn't asked too many more questions, but my surgery is bit off yet. He may come up with more. I'll just be honest without getting technical. I learned a long time ago when my DD wanted to know how the baby got out of Mommy's tummy. She was almost 7 and I wasn't sure what to say. What I did tell her was that Mommy would go to the hospital and that the doctor would take it out. She then looked at me like I wasn't answering her question and promptly told me that since it looked too big to come out of my head it had to come out of the other. I was a bit shocked and it was actually the end of the conversation and topic altogether. Just answer one question at the time, simply and see where it goes from there. They'll ask what they are concerned with. Mostly that you'll be okay and any differences that they will notice, like an incision if you have one and being tired/sick and needing to rest to get better.

told my 6 yr old about the surgery as soon as the doctor and I had decided that it needed to be sone. She knew all about my problems with things in that area before it even came up as a discussion. Children are very observant. She actually seemed relieved when i told her that i would be having The surgery to have my uterus removed. She knows that that is where she came from and that we will be having no more children. I explained to her the long term benefeits of the surgery. And also that i would be like i was after the last time i had surgery. She is ok with it and is only 6. Its all in how you r children in particular deal with you being in pain and immobile. Somtimes it seemes to bother my daughter that mommy cant play, but luckily there are lots of pplI in my life who are willing to take her for a walk or play in the snow with her.

my 2 teens were terrific thru it all - DD 13, DS 16 -
their questions were different - she wanted more details - he was more worried about pain & limitations. both needed reassurance that this was not, thank God, in my case involving cancer. & both actually joked about my getting rid of their 'first room' .
they were very active in finding ways to help out more at home, and so supportive/protective as I recovered.
For our family honesty was best all around.

I was fairly honest with my 10 year old, only telling her what I thought she needed to know in dribs and drabs, not all at once in one big serious talk, and waiting for her to ask questions if she wanted/needed to know more. She cried, said she didnt' want me to go to the hospital, but then was great dealing with everything following. She nursed me along all summer and it really was a good opening to the reproductive system and the lead-in to the upcoming facts of life talks.

She knew all about the surgery, the ovaries, the tumor, and what was going to be done. She didnt' understand why my appendix had to come out, too..I think that bothered her more than anything!

Basically, I'd suggest telling the truth, no blatent lies, but as you say, at this age I think ....sparing them the gory details is not a bad thing.

Others would probably argue that it's best to get it all out on the table, but I"m all for sparing the child if I can. They are going to worry about you as it is, so why make it harder on them, is my theory.

You'll find a way to have this conversation, and the kids will let you know how much to tell them. Good luck, it's not an easy job.
K9

sometimes I think my kids know more than I give them credit for.

my GYN is also a friend from the neighborhood, her kids go to school with my older daughter.

when I had the D&C I told my girls who my doctor was but didn't tell them what kind of surgery I was having -- and they both knew that "****'s mom is a gynecologist..." and what a GYN does.

I suppose I should tell them soon, my surgery is set for 2/24.