Talking to your child

I am posting this in the hopes that it helps other Moms with young children be prepared for what might be asked once you announce your upcoming surgery. I was prepared for tears from my 9 year old but I got lots of "me" questions instead. He was mostly concerned with how my being in the hospital would affect his life.I reassured him that it would be pretty much the same as it has been but with Grandma taking over some of my duties. Told him that he could take that day off from school and that I would need his help when I got home.He keeps trying to tell me that he's a man so I will be giving him some basic responsibilities. I also told him that I was sure this doctor would take good care of me and make me feel better in the end. His father had emergency surgery this year and it freaked him out so I wanted him to feel reassured about mine. He did ask what part and I took the easy way out and told him it's where a baby would grow-enough said for now I hope. "THE TALK" is closer than I want it to be I am afraid. I think it might hit him more as the day draws closer but we shall see.Hope this info helps some of you ladies! Karen

I, also, have been concerned about my children during this whole mess. I have 4, DD-almost 16, DD-9, two 21/2 yrs old twin DS's. I worry that my twins will want to climb on me or want me to pick them up after I get home. They weigh around 30 pounds. So, I have been telling them that I have a boo-boo inside of my belly and the dr. is going to fix it. And that when I come home I can't pick them up and they will have to be very careful and not hurt my boo-boo. I will be ok. Then can kiss me and hug me and sit next to me on the couch and snuggle. The other day when I picked one of them up, he told me after mama's boo-boo I can't pick him up and he patted me on my belly. So, maybe they understand. I hope so. My older kids seem ok, though I worry more about the mental stress on them. Guess, we will just have to pray for the best.

Donna

I am betting our kids get through this easier than we do Sounds like you have them all prepared.Karen

I haven't told my kids yet, DD-13 & DS-8, decided to wait until closer to my surgery date. I didn't think it was necessary to tell them too soon, that would just give them too much time to worry.

When the time comes I will explain it to them, and answer any questions they have. Both of them are very familiar w/ surgery, and the hospital I will be in, my 23 year old step son has had 8 surgeries (has colitus), in the last 2 years and we have spent many days at his hospital bed, they have seen the scars, the tubes, the nurses, Drs, and so on, so I am sure it will be pretty easy to explain to them.

Plus my DD was in that very hosptial too, when she had her tonsils/adenoids out last summer and had to spend 3 days there. So she knows exactly whats going on. Poor kid remembers it very very well!!!!

Plus, grandma gets to come stay for a few days, they will love that!!

I think they will do just fine - kids are amazing little creatures!! They just want to make sure their mommy is gonna be ok!!

I think you are right, our kids are amazing people. Because I feel so bad most of the time, both of my boys (ages 9 and 5) have known since the beginning that I may have to have surgery. They have both been great so far, other than the occasional fight to get their chores done. They are both very protective of me so am thinking that once the time comes, I am going to have specific tasks for them to do to help take care of me. They are excited that Grandma JoJo is coming to stay with us for a few days too. They love it when she comes. I think as long as we are as honest as is appropriate for their ages and include them in it, they will be just fine....
Best of luck to all of you and your families!!
Hugs
Jen (and Chris and Jeff)

my girls are 12 and 7. We spoke to them at dinner one night a few weeks before surgery. My 7yo had a few questions. My 12 yo thinks I am lucky to never have a period again. I did not allow them to see me in the castle. I told them they were not allowed. I missed them dearly! When I got home they were great. My littlest one was so concerned on when we could snuggle again. I am six weeks tomorrow and ready to go now. I did not give them anymore details than I needed to. They will be fine!!

karen

just wanted to say hi, i have the same surgery date as you and my ds will be nine a few days before my surgery. i wish you the best of luck and will look forward to your post op post telling us all how easy it was and how great you feel (just like mine is going to be) power of positive thinking right?

Sheila

Hi Sheila! Has your DS asked any questions? Yesterday mine asked me if I was scared. So I asked if he was,,he said no but I am wondering.I just told him again how much I liked my doctor and that she would take very good care of me. I will post if you do! Still wavering between the LSH and the LAVH here-my mind changes from hour to hour.Good thing I have a little more time left to decide. I can see me being wheeled into the operating room,flipping a coin Good luck future princess!Karen

HI ladies.

Im not shure how much my three understand.
dd6 dd3 ds1.

i just told the girls i have a problem in my tummy ect and ill be in bed for a long time and sick but i will get better.

they are more excited about staying with grandma who will spoil them.
I am so grate full for her!
im worried though, my kids all have sever allergies requiring epi pens and my dd6 has had two accidents at school since christmas.
(food allergies) so im worried somthing bad will happen to her while im not there..

but i have to learn to relax, my MIL is very capable.
my biggest concern comes in the form of my ds1yr.
he always wonts to be in my arms.
i just dont know how ill get by him without him tugging on my leg for up.
wish me luck..
thanks for the nioce thread its good to hear from you all..
take care

Mist -

I can so relate the the allergy thing, my son - 8 has had life threatening allergies all his life, we also have to carry an epi pen everywhere, and benadryl, etc.

My mom lives 45 miles away from the closest hospital, so I was always a nervous wreck when they went to her house. She took care of that by getting emt and ambulance training and became one of the first responders in her community. I feel so much better knowing that when my child has a reaction, she is properly trained and will be in the ambulance w/ him on the way to town.

I honestly think he is safer under her watch then at school - they are pretty non-interested in the whole thing and we actually had to go to our state capital and the big wigs in the school system in Montana to even get them to administer the epi pen - long story, but lets just say they have changed their tune!!!! Public school system, they pretty much had to!! You do know that life threatening allergies are considered a handicap, and must be treated and accepted like one!!!

Anyway, I am praying that your kiddos will be just fine, and I am sure your M-I-L has been properly trained and is very alert and concerned!

My DH has all of the sudden decided it is time to tell our kids about my surgery, I wanted to wait until the last minute, but, he is certain that they will be just fine w/ it and since everyone in our family keeps talking about it in front of them I guess I better get ready to spill the beans!!!!

good luck to all you March 10th ladies - that's my day too!!!