Friends trying to talk me out of surgery

I have made my decision to have the hysterectomy and I am very comfortable with it. I have endured different courses of hormone therapy, and endometrial ablation but still having long, heavy periods. My friends tell me to get another opinion, (I already have and they know it) bear with it, it will go away. I know it will not. They think I am jumping into surgery and have read all the articles on too many hysterecomies being performed. How do I convince them that this is right for me, my problems are real and they won't go away, without sounding like a winer.

Hey! I totally sympathize! I have had the well-meaners just about reduce me to tears in the past few weeks. I'm 5 days from a TAH BSO. The ovary thing is a big issue. It is like this....and I have to remember this myself.....it is your body, your decision, your consequences and you don't need anyones blessing to take care of yourself. I guess I just assumed all women had awful cycles and pain all month. You can certainly tell which ones don't!!!!

Cathg!!!!

I am only 5 days post-op, but I really wanted to reply to your post. Prior to my surgery, I too had all sorts of folks trying to talk me out of my decision. I am 36 married w/step children but no bio-children of my own. I was very comfortable with my decision and knew it was the right one for ME.

My suggestion to you is to NOT try to convince them of anything. Your friends will have their own opinions and you will not be able to change them. As long as your comfortable with your decision that's all that counts.

I can leave you with this bit of information: Again, it is 5 days post op and although I am FAR from 100 percent, I feel better than I have in YEARS!!! I have absolutely no regrets and that alone makes me feel GREAT. Also, the naysayers prior to my surgery see my attitude and new lease on life and that seems to say it all!

Take care and God bless,

OK pillow police, you caught me I know, I know...back to bed!

I think that questions and concern, as long as it's not overbearing, from friends shows that they care. If they were worried about you making a wrong decision (about this or anything else) and didn't broach the subject with you, what kind of friends would they be? I'm scheduled for a TAH in Feb but "questioned" a friend who is having similiar problems about whether she had investigated the other treatment/diagnostic methods like laparoscopy, laser, D&C's, drugs, etc. and if she had gotten a second opinion about her recommended hyst. Other treatment options work for many people and even worked for me for a while, and I would hate to think that my friend had resorted to the final surgical option without fully investigating the non-surgical options. So if I have that concern for a friend, as a pre-hyst gal, how much more would your friends (who are not as informed as you or I) be? I don't think they should be opposing your choice (it's your body, not theirs), but if they are just raising questions, cut them some slack. It just shows that they love you.

You are right that friends question our decisions because they care for us. And I wouldn't change that-- I am grateful to know they care and appreciate having all opinions and info to consider.

Still -- for me-- at this point, just when I think I have read enough, soul searched enough and consulted the doc enough...the "what-if's" and "are you gonna be ok's" undermine my confidence. I wouldn't change it, but it is unnerving because this is such a big deal-- and honestly, while we can make the best decisions possible for ourselves, there are no guarantees. I hope the waiting is the hardest part.

I guess we just love our friends, listen to them, take it all under consideration and do the best we can. I will be so glad when I can say "been there, done that" and know how it turned out!

Luck to all- Becca

I have had problems on an off for twelve years.
Twelve years ago I had a twelve pound cyst on
my left ovary. I had to be cut from above my navel
all the way down to get that thing out! Along with
my ovary!
I also had very heavy bleeding and long periods.
Ten years ago I had an ablation. That was like giving
me a new life. I had what I must imagine is normal
periods. I could actually wear a tampax alone.
Five weeks ago I had a TAH due to fibroids. They
did not cause heavy bleeding. but caused pressure on
my bladder, lower back pain, tiredness and all around
sluggishness. Even my brain seemed sluggish!
I feel so much more alert now! I feel happier.
Yes, I have swelly belly, I get tired easily still.
But the mental change is extraordinary.
By the way, I kept my remaining ovary. I am 47. My
doctor felt that even if I were to have problems with it
later on, it was worth what I will get from it. She also
said as long as I have my checkups, if they have to remove
the ovary it can be done laproscopilly.
Not one person questioned me on the necessity of this
operation. All I have received is support. But I must say that if they had, it would not have made any difference.
I have faith in my doctor. I do not think that she does
hysterectomies without very good reasons. She asked me
several times if I was having second thoughts. All I could
see was the problems getting worse. The fibroids were not
going to shrink. When I go for my six week checkup next
Friday I am going to give her my copy of the hystersisters
book.

Hello, I think that your friends are just concerned about you, although they are not, in my opinion, being very tactful about it.

A hysterectomy is, to me, a final option when nothing else has worked. So when people question me about my decision, I tell them that I have followed all of the other recommended conservative treatments and none have worked, therefore, I had no choice.

No one who has had normal periods can know how much you have suffered to have arrived at this point. Take comfort in the fact that your hyster sisters completely understand your decision and support you.

Cheers,

Laura
LIW (22 February 2001)
Sub-total supracervical lap