please just tell me how to turn it off

my brain that is..... ok i am sitting at my computer trying to recreate 6 months of accounting for my work. yes a few weeks before my surgery we had a computer glitch and it wiped out 6 months of our accounting and i am the one that has to fix it before surgery like i need something else to worry about. My DS's birthday is march 4, yes 6 days before surgery. anyway my ds just came into my room and i was looking at him and he has my favorite sweater of his on and i thought how amazing he is and how grown up he looked (he will be 9 in a few days). then tears filled my eyes as the thought of what if i dont come home crossed my mind. yes he may look so adorable and grown up today but he is not ready to loose his mom. now i sit here with the tears streaming uncontrollably down my face hiding in my room so noone will know what i am thinking. then i thought everyone comes home and posts here! then logic set in and said hey they cant post if they didnt come home, we dont hear those stories. dear god someone please tell me i will come home to him to watch him grow up. if i had to go into surgery right now...i dont think i could do it i would say no i changed my mind. i would rather live with the pain then not live at all. i dont know what has come over me i never thought about not coming home before. im sorry sisters i dont mean to scare anyone more than they already are but i didnt know where else to turn

sheila

I know the feeling, I am now almost 6 weeks post-op from TAH. I thing it is best to cry if you need to it lets some of the stress out. I have 2 year old granddaughter that lives with us and my DH and I have only been married 5 years, I did'nt want to lose any of it. When I started feeling more worried I would go and read some of the post-ops and see that they all made it, and had good recoveries and then try to keep those in my head, it helped some. It is very true that the waiting is the hard part of surgery. I made it and I'm sure you will to just keep the good thoughts, and know that all of us hystersisters will be with you.

hugs to you,
Diana

diana

thank you for your encouragement, i kind of regret posting the message, i dont want to upset anyone on here. we all have so much to deal with already, i just didnt know who to turn to. all of the women on here in my opinion are heros.

i swear i am going to print flyers from this site and wallpaper the walls of my doctors office and the hospital with them! i really think i might have lost my mind if it wasnt for the unrelenting support i have gotten here.

again thank you diana and all of the sisters here for your bravery, support, encouragement, tears and laughs.

sheila

Sheila,
You are welcome, and don't regret posting things, we all have fears and ?. It's nice to hear from others that have the same kinds and that are going through major times in their life.
Keep in touch because we will be with you.
Diana

Sheila,
your post was a natural thought. It is good to get it out, and where better then here with your sisters. Others may feel that way, but don`t want to voice it.
I had that same thought. To the point, I wrote letters to my kids friends and DH. Once I did that, I felt better, then silly. I realized that this surgery is major to us, but routine to the dr. Just think how far medicine has come in the last 5 yrs? I had a TAH, after an hour of dr trying a TVH. I had staples removed before I came home. A friend of mine was shocked. she had the same thing done 5 yrs ago, and we compared, and she said mine was alot easier. I am 12 days post, feel good, in fact I did go down to the kitchen, and put dity dishes in the dishwasher. shhh,,, don`t tell
waiting truly is the worst part, and of course we think the worse. We are here to help you, keep posting, and we will be here for you.. if you have any questions, just email me,,
a princess waiting for a friend to come to the other side,
Nancy

I was scared before my surgery but kept a stiff upper lip..and had a meltdown in my room post op.

you have to deal with the negative emotions. we're here for you.

again i just want to say thank you to all of you! i think i have gotten past my little breakdown, thanks to you all of you


sheila

Hi, Gadget!

We all go through it with our minds. I'm glad you shared with us. And now I'm glad you are feeling better. It is no small matter to face surgery like this. Please don't feel silly or embarrassed about how you feel or what you say here. We are all here for you!

Wishing you moments of peace thoughts!



Cinderellen

Well I know just how you feel. I am 41 3 kids youngest is 10. I just became a Grandmother to a beautiful little girl. I am 5 1/2 weeks post op. I wrote the WHOLE family letters incase I didn't make it throught the surgery. There was also a 99.9% chance it was cancer. I wrote these letters that would make me cry and not be able to see what i was writting. I also planned out my entire wake and downloaded songs that I wanted played out my wake. I told my mother not to fight my hubby or kids that I wanted to be laid out in PJ"S and my music played. I drove my poor family CRAZY. I would cry and then crack the worst jokes about me dieing... But I needed to get it all out. I think the writting truly helped alot. Its a scary thought, and no one but you knows just how you feel. And now look.. I'm still here to write about it. After the surgery I was very very out of it. They told me that I asked if I had cancer about 30 times. I DIDN"T.. but the doc was sure I did, all the test said I did.. but the bio was NEG. It helps to talk, write and share your thoughts and feelings. This website was the best thing that I found, I talk about these women on here many times aday to family and friends. Thanks to all of you that listen.. Good Luck to you and know that there is ALWAYS someone here to listen and help you..