Looking for a little support from my sisters

I guess becuase its so dreary outside, Im feeling dreary inside too. I had my TAH on 2-1 so Im almost to my 3 week mark. My dh was wonderful while in the hospital and the 1st week home. He tells me to not "over do it", but I really dont think he has a clue. I homeschool my children, so the Monday after my surgery, school work resumed. Not a full schedule, but we did somewhat resume. My friends and church family were wonderful the first week with meals, but not the cupboards are bare and the fridge is dwendling too....he just doesnt get it.

Im tired of feeling tired and the dull ache is getting on my nerves.

I had a few women at church tell my husband, they were up doing housework etc the second week and not to let me milk it....I went to church yesterday and Im totally wiped out. Am I really a wimp? Should I be pushing myself more?

My laundry is downstairs in the basement...is that a no, no this stage of the game?

THanks for the help ladies *hugs*

Rachel

Rachel, I had my TAH/BSO on 2-2 and I'm no where NEAR ready to do anything.......I'm single, no kids, and am relying on friends to help me with what I need. I have discovered that they don't know what I need unless I ask. No offense, but, poop on your DH if he doesn't get it. You spoke of friends and church family. Call them!!! Ask them for what you need!!! Everyone is different, and if you aren't ready, YOU AREN'T READY. It is Your decision, not DH or anyone else. Listen to your body. You're not a wimp!!!!!

Oh, and not to question your math skills, but you're not near your 3 week mark, you're near 2 weeks. Not that numbers mean anything, except when you say it outloud, 3 weeks does sound a lot further along than 2 weeks. Don't push yourself. My sister-in-law pushed, and she ended up having more abdominal surgery 3 months later!!!!! She was a mess for almost a year, just because she pushed it.

How old are your kids? Can they help you out? DO NOT go downstairs!!!

I'm so sorry you're not getting the support you deserve, but, as we women so often have to do, you must stand up for yourself and ask for what you need.

My brothers came to visit yesterday, and I had a whole list of things they needed to do for me. They were more than happy to do so, all I had to do was ask. Call your Pastor, ask for help!!! God helps those who help themselves. So, HELP YOURSELF!!!!!

You're in my thoughts and prayers!!

Hi Homeschoolmom,
I can't even imagine how you feel! I know I probably could not have done what you are doing although I know God doesn't give us anything that we cannot handle. But try and talk to your dh. I'll tell you, I had my TAH/BSO on Nov. 3, 2000 and the getting up and down was a REAL PROBLEM! I can't even imagine, getting up to "homeschool". The ladies at your church may be wonderful women, but each one of us heals at our own pace. This is YOUR time now. You really need to be resting!!! I know your dh is only going by what other women are saying, but maybe you can have a little "sit-down talk" with him. If you rest now, it will be so much better for the healing process. This is a once in a lifetime thing and you want to Heal properly. I am sure you dh wants you to heal properly too. This is just something women go through and he has to support you at this time. Don't be afraid to ask the people at the church to get those meals rolling again. Ask one of the "understanding" ladies to do a little shopping for you. Honey, don't be afraid to ASK. When you are well, I'm sure you will be able to help someone else in need. I will put you on my personal prayer list if you don't mind. And hang in there hon. Are your children very young? If not, explain to them, mommy is going to be needing a little help around the house for a while and they are to be your "hands" and "feet" for a while. Children understnad more than you may think if they are not too young. And these are memories for you. I wish I could help you because I KNOW what you are going through. Feel free to e-mail me ANYTIME. I check the computer 2 or 3 times a day when I come home from work. I work only 4 days a week. Half days! Take care of yourself, and I'll be praying for you.
sonyiachappelle@hotmail.com

You are only 12 days post op. I was not capable of anything much in the way of taking care of my family for 4 weeks. Laundry is a big no no (no lifting !) In addition, you should not be spending a lot of time up on your feet or sitting. You need to keep the pressure off your stitches. If your husband does not get it, perhaps a chat with the doctor might help ? There is no way you should be resuming most activities at this point in your recovery. You do not want a set back.

Who are these women at church telling your husband not to let you milk it ? Unbelievable. You have to recover at YOUR pace and frankly at 12 days post op most people are not able to do much and are NOT supposed to be cleaning the house.

Sit down with your husband and tell him what you do need. Call "friendly" church people and ask for help. Maybe people could bring a meal every couple of days and do some shopping for you if your husband cannot take care of it all.

As for laundry, you can fold it, but your husband has to fetch it and he has to put it away ! Forget about ironing for now !

Hang in there and concentrate on healing.

Hi homeschoolmom

Dear, dear. I had my surgery before you did and I am just 2 weeks post op today. So don't go thinking you're approaching the three week mark!

Whoever said they were up doing housework at 2 weeks post-op has for memory. Funny how we forget over time. Anyway, what matters is YOU. YOU are a and YOU need to be pampered. Just put your hubby online. We'll talk to him!!!! At least rope him and bring him to the computer and let him read these posts!

If you don't settle in and get some rest we are gonna send the Pillow Police to your house.

ASK for what you need and don't accept anything less!

Homeschoolmom: I'm amazed that the women at your church did that! What were they thinking? I'd like to know when and where each of them got their doctorates from (haha). Explain to your husband that they're not qualified to make a judgement here. Tell him that a hysterectomy (at a minimum) takes 6-8 weeks to recover from. Bring him with you to the next followup doctors appointment and bring up the issues while you're there. Let him hear the doctor's responses for himself, then he will understand.

Laundry is an ABSOLUTE NONO! - not just for the lifting, but because you have to tug etc. to get clothes out of the washer. And again to get them out of the dryer. This heavily uses the stomach muscles and you could risk tearing an incision or hurting it. This and vacuuming were the #1 and #2 things my doctor said DO NOT DO!

Homeschooling - You know better than I how much you can stretch the time that the kids don't school. Give them reading to focus on and catch up on the other stuff later if you can? Try not to be sitting up too much - remember that sitting up is an activity too and can impact your recovery.

I wasn't even allowed in the car at two weeks to go to church. It was made perfectly clear to me: no driving or being in a car until your six week checkup. Now I know some doctors are a little different, but that's rare. Driving around with bumps etc. are uncomfortable not to mention risky.

Take it easy, relax, and wipe the word "guilt" out of your dictionary. I pray your husband will understand that you had HUGE MAJOR BODY-AFFECTING SURGERY! That if you don't heal right this time, you could be out of service for a longer period of time the next go around. As everyone on this site says (and they're right), you only get ONE chance to heal correctly. Take that chance now, so that you can enjoy and get back to an active life later!

God bless...wishing you a full and not-too-speedy :-) recovery!

Rachel,

Please don't compare YOUR recovery to someone else's. Every is different and everyone reacts, heals, recovers in their own way. YOU ARE NOT A WIMP!! You had MAJOR surgery! Your body has suffered a severe trauma and anyone who has had surgery will tell you that. It makes my blood boil when so-called caring friends make remarks about how your recovery should go. What do they know??

Your body will tell you what you are ready for and what you are not ready for. You are SO early in your recovery and bottom line you are going to feel tired, achey, sore and run down. Remember, sitting is an activity so if you're sitting around the table w/your children, take a break from time to time. Something that helped my energy and stamina was short morning walks. Eventually, I was able to do two short walks a day.

Maybe if DH read some of these posts, he might gain some insight on what it's like to recovery from a hysterectomy.

Hang in there Rachel. You WILL start to feel better, but in the meantime try to get as much rest as you can. The measure of how you care for yourself now will really make a difference in the long run.

God Bless,

Hi I just want to say "Never resist a temporary inconvenience if it results in a permanent improvement" HelenM Hyster Sister.
Give your body time and don't let others tell you how you are doing.
Special Blessings

Dear sweet punctured princess,
The ladies who are giving your husband this misguided advice are MISGUIDED.:dragon: And how many complications did they have after they did housework? Betcha they didn't share that!!!! Please talk to your pastor and see if he can help quiet this stupid advice...everyone heals differently. I am going to the castle 2/14/01, will think of you. Wish you lived in San Diego, I could come help you!
Artic, Fitbug, and Roz have been through this and have provided me with great advice.
Lady in waiting until 2/14
hdsunny


"Cats make the best nurses...they are soft and purr"

Rachel -- we are hystersisters who have had our surgeries on the same day. Not even 2 weeks ago!!!! We're still tender and achey and deserving of care and consideration.

When I broke my arm it took a heck of a lot longer to heal than 2 weeks. No one expected me to do push-ups...or even open a door, and certainly not laundry!

I suspect that when our injuries are not visible to the world -- many people just don't understand the extent of the damage -- and the amount of time it takes to heal. I say -- let's be vocal and tell them!

A lot of what I feel and what I read indicates that many women have had a very unfair set of expectations dumped on them. We're supposed to grin and bear it...be super-women and transcend mere mortal pain! (#$*#$&($^ I say. Heck, ignore those foolish women who either have never had a bad period, given birth, had an hysterectomy or even a bad hair day. Pay attention to your body and to the hystersisters.

Those women are trying to prove something -- but whatever it is it's not in your best interest. Possibly your husband is at a loss to know what to do for you or what actually is happening to you. I think it's a great idea to have him come along with you for your follow-up appt. Let your doctor tell him what he/she expects your family to do for your aftercare. It's serious ---it really is and it wouldn't hurt your family to know that. And you won't be "milking it". (I hate that expression!)

I don't want to go on for too long...but on 2-1-01 a large blood vessel was pierced -- I went off like a geiser and lost almost half of my blood. My husband knew how dire the circumstances were way before I did...and man, was he scared. So was my gyn. Hopefully, nothing like this happened to you...but know that it could have. It's major surgery you had and all manner of complications can occur.
And...don't think that complications still can't happen to you if you overdo it now. The kind woman who turned me on to this site picked up a suitcase on her 6th week and ruptured her stitches. She had to go back for more surgery.

Take care of yourself Rachel -- Stop working. Your kids will be fine and will still get to a good college someday!
Take care and know that we're thinking of you with fondness and understanding.
Love,
Amy