Feeling helpless . . . and hurting!!!

Hi ladies,

It will be 6 weeks tomorrow and you would think that I would stop this crying thing by now.

I feel like a useless turd!!!!

Here's the update - the boyfriend (who broke his back in the boating accident two weeks ago) is still in much need of help. We won't know for another week or two if he has to have surgery or not. They have to wait for all the swelling to go down and another round of CT-Scans before they will decide. So, he still needs help with showers, brushing teeth, eating, up the stairs, down the stairs, getting in bed, getting out of bed, going to the bathroom, legs up, legs down, heating pad, ice packs, etc. And now I am sure that if it is going to be longer recovery time, he's worried about work, bills, etc.

We have gotten a lot of help from his sister and brother-in-law which is greatly appreciated, don't get me wrong, but it makes me feel like dog doo!!! His sister is having to clean the house, take care of him during the day so that I can work, make his doctor's appt.'s and take him to them, etc. and I get so upset because I know these are the things that I should be doing.

I actually broke down crying in front of him last night and I know that I shouldn't because it doesn't help him any but I just couldn't help it. It just came out and I couldn't stop it. I can't tell if I am appreciative, jealous, sorry, scared, hurting, tired or all of the above. I am trying to work (a little), which means sitting in traffic 3 hours a day, take care of him, cook, clean what I can, do what laundry I can, take care of the bills, etc.

URGH - I just feel so frustrated!!!

I need some help too - I am having some pains on both sides, more towards the front pubic area and some burning sensations. My left inscision has not healed yet and it is turning red. I've been putting Neosporin on it and it seems to help the redness, but would anyone have any clue as to the pains and burning sensations are?

Thanks for your help and for listening!

Charlene

Gosh, that is an awful lot to deal with! Sounds to me like you may be doing a little too much. I know that I still get that burning sensation around my incision area when I overdo. You are still very early in your recovery and may need to back off a little. I know you are frustrated and would like to be able to do more, but your body needs time to heal. Your emotions are all over the place...you have been through major surgery, sweetie. Your mind is still trying to absorb the changes that are going on in your body. Don't be so hard on yourself. That is normal. You are fortunate to have some help...accept it. Let people help you as much as they can. You deserve to be pampered and I am quite sure that your boyfriend understands that you are not "up to par" yet. In fact, you won't be for quite some time. The healing process will take 6 mo to a year. So, let others help you, try to get some rest, and don't beat yourself up...it's not time to put on your "superwoman" cape just yet! I hope you and your boyfriend feel better very soon. Until then, some things are just going to have to wait...Take care of yourself and we are here for you whenever you need to vent!

Hi Charlene, Your healing is the most important thing right now and if you don't make it your first priority you won't be able to care for others when it is appropriate to do so.
What a blessing to have your boyfriend's family and friends to help care for him - by doing so, they are caring for you too and taking some of the worry off you.
Please don't beat yourself up so much. We do think we should be superwoman and push ourselves too much. We also tend to put outselves LAST in the priority line for everything.
I'm just as bad. Someone once told me to remember the Lion Story. It goes like this.... In an Lion Pride, the female is the one who does all the hunting and brings the food back to the pride. She is also the first to eat and eats as much as she wants - - so she can have the strength to go and hunt for the pride. The male and the cubs eat after she does. If she didn't take care of herself in this way she would be useless to her pride. We need to be the lion and care for ourselves so that we can then care for our family.
Blessings for a quick healing.

Jackie and Francelia,

Thanks so much for the words of encouragement. It's just what the doctor ordered! I appreciate someone just hearing what I have to say and actually listening and being able to understand.

Thanks again,

Charlene