DH Issue - not going well....

Okay...here goes. Now I feel like I'm being a "BRAT". DH has been helping w/the kids & the cooking and doing the laundry. I feel though, he spends most of his time out in the yard. He'll be in the house long enough to take care of each task and is out for hours at a time working around the yard. I know it's his escape, but I'm left with no one to socialize with, don't feel he understands what I'm going through. I just talked to him and told him how I felt. So, he gets up and goes to the living room and turns on the TV and is now mopping about it. I told him I didn't mind him doing the chore he was getting ready to go take care of but just felt I needed to tell him how I felt. Now I feel like the heal. He is just sitting in there and it's akward.

I noticed, especially today and yesterday, that my emotions are on a whirl wind.

I just gave advice yesterday about keeping your chin up and don't worry about things and now here I am doing the opposite. It's my hormones, I'm telling you. I need to do more research and find out what I can do about it.

Anyone else felt the same way?

I live alone, and have noticed that lately I feel very very lonely, to the point of tears. I'm ikay at work, or when I'm out among people, but as soon as I'm home or even back in my car after shopping (like this morning) the tears well up.

I think it's hormones for me too. This morning it occurred to me that I would be having my period about now, but I don't have ovaries anymore, so how would my body know that? Doesn't seem logical.

I'm taking a soy supplement and bought black cohosh today. Hopefully both together will put some estrogen-like "goodies" into my system and help the emotional and physical symptoms I've been experiencing.

Wish we lived near one another; I'd invite you over for lemonade and a nice loooooong chat!

(((hugs)))

Becky

Sorry you're having a tough time. I'd guess that losing the ovaries has something to do with it. You have a right to your emotions. Of course the trick for all of us is finding a safe way to express and explore them. Personally, I've been crying every time I watch an On-star commercial. I guess the idea of somebody in need of help, and then mysteriously, instantly getting it, taps into my own fears.

From my non-informed point of view as a single woman, it seems to me that most husbands can't meet (or even understand!) all of our needs even if they are good guys and trying hard. Also, most guys in general don't have as high a need for relational time, so they don't understand what we're asking for.

Do you have any female friends or relatives who can socialize with you, so your husband can feel productive at the task-oriented chores that seem to come more naturally to him?

Hopefully you can use this forum to blow off some steam and get some support. I know that sometimes even when I think I'm doing well, I read a message in the forum and start crying because I'm so touched.

Don't beat yourself up feeling like a brat or a heel -- I'm sure you're doing the best you can. On the other hand, it wouldn't hurt to compliment your DH on the things he IS doing...

MissB - that would be nice (I love lemonade). I'm sorry your having a rough time with this also....do you have family or friends around to invite over. Maybe that's what I should do. I just hate to be so needy for someone. I've never been that way before.

((((HUGS)))) back atcha!

Thanks TGIO - I did let him know I appreciate all he's doing. I guess I should have come to ya'll first instead of talking to him. I did tell him I regreted telling him how I felt after the way he responded and that I wasn't trying to sound ungrateful or selfish that it was just how I felt. I regret saying something to him now.

I know EXACTLY what you're going through. I just started yelling at my BF yesterday. I have been so bored and restless that I'm ready to shoot myself and I want him to take me out of town for a night, just for a brief change of scene. Now I feel ashamed and worthless. He has been taking care of me through all this and he owes me nothing. I have never in my life felt this badly about myself. Ever. I've apologized six times and while it might make him feel better, it doesn't give me much relief. "No relief" about sums up my whole experience these last months.

He said he feels I've behaved badly A LOT but I feel that given what I'm going through, I haven't done so badly. Now I feel just totally worthless. Heel is right.

I know it's largely hormones. But I suspect he thinks I just don't have much character, to be so weak to take out my fears and pain and frustration on him.

I left a book with some pages about perimenopausal mood swings with a note asking him to read it. Who knows if that would make any difference but maybe you can try that too. In the meantime, rest assured, you are not alone--none of us are alone in how alone (and trapped!) we feel!

Oh, Rocket59, I'm so sorry!

Unfortunately, it's natural for us to take out our fear and frustration on those around us. It's not mature, and it's not great, but it's totally normal and natural. I think we're all trying to figure out how to overcome this.

Don't be ashamed -- there are good reasons that you are on edge. Don't feel like a heel -- you've already apologized. Don't feel worthless--you deserve the time to recover.

Remember, your hyster-sisters are rooting for you.

I'm sure your BF will understand. You don't seem to be a bad or selfish person. Don't beat yourself up....Thanks to tgio, and all of you hystersisters, I'm feeling better about my mistake and will promise to do better. This is a learning experience for all of us.

rocket59 - we love you!!!!

tgio - your the BEST!!!

Sisters,
I have to reply to this post....I go from feeling pretty good and positive one day, and the next day feel so sad and worthless. It's got to be hormones, I have one ovary left but maybe its sleeping.
My DH is trying so hard but when I feel like I am just this blob I don't want anyone around me.
Its like a rollercoaster, I am pretty down at the moment. I know it will pass, but I just want to sleep and wake up all better.
I know that day will come, but its so hard to believe it sometimes. Its strange to feel lonely but still not want to be around anyone.

Thank you so much tgio and hr30. I swear I never felt this way before, never understood what the "low self esteem" thing was about but I just feel worthless and I get it now. Talk about a "humbling experience"! I don't think my BF wants me to feel this way, he'd prefer I be in a good mood but I'm not. I'm going swimming now, I hope the exercise will perk me up. Then later tonight, I'll be looking in on two cats whose people are off on vacation and animals always cheer me up. I guess I need to think of this in terms of just getting through the next hour and take it that way.

Bella, I know what you mean, feeling like a blob. I feel like such a total blob. My instinct right now is to withdraw but you know what? I really believe we need people around us to heal. Can you walk? Can you go out for a stroll with your DH this evening? I wish you a speedy recovery. One day we'll look back on this and......hopefully not remember it too clearly, LOL.