9 weeks post op and sex hurts. Any pointers to get me in the right direction?

OMG....I will be 9 weeks post op on Wednesday. I bled for 7 weeks and then spotted for another week, Dr. gave me the green light last Thursday for sex! I was sooooo ready to get the green light, now I'm giving myself the red light after 2 times of sex! I made sure we lubed well (read somewhere on here to do that), DH was very kind and gentle, but he hit my vaginal cuff and not very hard either, and I thought I would just die!
The last time wasn't any better either!

DH and I had a wonderful sex life before the surgery, and now I am just not to sure what's going to happen in this department. The last time we had sex was Saturday and I am still hurting! Put call in the Dr. this morning but he said it's normal, time will correct it. I have been soooo depressed these past few days, that I have a lump in my throat due to holding back crying. I don't want to cry in front of DH and kids. Everytime I get in my car by myself I just break down.

I would like to have my old sex life back, but I'll take pain free for now! I haven't even been able to achieve a orgasm with sex either! ....and with me putting on the red light in the sex dept., that won't be happening any time soon! At this point and the way it feels, I don't care if I ever have sex!

Enough of my own pitty party. The question is:
Is there anything I can do to make things a little better?
I just want to have pain free sex! Any tips, thoughts, or pointers would help ALOT!!

Hi Teresa,

I am hoping someone with your same surgery will have some pointers for you...I am trying to this for you.

In the meantime, even though I had a different surgery (TAH, everything gone) I would like to say that lots of women go through the same feelings that you are having right now. You and your body have been through alot, and it is going to take some time for the healing process. This surgery and recovery take a toll on us, both mentally and physically. You may want to try a different position, one in which you will have more control over penetration. It is best to take things very slow and gentle, and possibly not complete penetration in the beginning, until you feel more comfortable. I know it is frustrating, and you want things to be normal right away. Just be patient, and try new things...don't beat yourself up. It is completely normal to feel the way that you do, and it may take some time before you are able to find what works best for you. I hope this helps a little. Just know that you are not alone...I'm hoping someone will have some good advice for you.

Take care, and remember we are all in this together.

Hi, Teresa!

I had TAH about 8 weeks ago. We have had sex 3 times and each time it was a little better. Dh said he could feel the cuff, but I couldn't feel him touching it.

As I read your post my first thought was that if you were bleeding for that long that your cuff is taking it's sweet old time healing up and is probably still swollen a bit too.

Try and be patient. I do imagine this will all clear up with time. How baout just some outercourse in the meantime to keep those home fires burning?

Keep us posted!

Jo

gurlie....Thanks so much, just your words are comforting at a time like this. DH did hold off on complete penetration. I don't know how much information I am allowed to post on this issue, but if it gets pulled or locked o'well...I just wonder if the problem is he is larger than "the average" so even though we are holding off on complete penetration he still hits my vaginal cuff even though he is trying to be careful. I wonder if there is something we can put between us that wouldn't allow even further penetration, any ideas anyone would be sooooo appreciated.

JoRaeMe...Thanks so much, perhaps each time will get better...I hope! I think I will have to improvise tonight and come up with something that will help, and if it doesn't stick to outercourse once again, perhaps for a week or two and give sex another try. I just truly hope things get better.

Hi Teresa,
I'm sorry to hear things aren't working out as you had hoped. If you stop and think that just 2 weeks ago your dr removed stitches and you were even bleeding some I think, it doesn't sound too unusual to say you are probably not all the way healed.
I really do think that if you give yourself some more time this will get better. Since you had sex on Sat. and are still hurting I hope you aren't considering trying it again tonight. I think that would be a mistake. Just my opinion. For me, we tried it at 7 weeks the first time and had a little problem with some stitches that had to be cut out, it hurt and I bled some. I was very sore and decided to give it several days to settle down and to have a little more healing time. After a week it was much better and each time after that it continued to get better.
Please don't be discouraged at your response physically here. Some women have trouble achieving an orgasm under the best of conditions. If you are in pain, it stands to reason you might not really have much pleasure in the experience. Again, please give this some more time. Don't let yourself get too discouraged.

's, Rita

i bled 9 weeks post op so i didnt try sex until the 9th week
some of us jsut heal slower than others take a brake give yourself another two weeks relube, relax, and good luck

Thank you to all who posted, just talking to other women helps. I think I will take the words of wisdom and probably just give myself another week, and try again. If it hurts again then wait another week until one day that pain is gone. I guess I had to high of expectations, and just really disappointed when I got so much pain with sex. I knew things would have to go slow and perhaps some discomfort, but nothing like the pain I experienced. I guess my body is just not ready. I got to talk to DH some more earlier when he got home from the Fire Station, he supports me 100% and doesn't want to have sex if it is really causing me that much pain, said he doesn't mind just sticking to outercourse until we can try sex again. Sighhhh of relief, sounds like I am just sloooooowly healing. Thanks again!

eyes4dh, fortunately I didn't experience any pain, but my doc warned me at my six week appt that since the cuff is still healing, things might be uncomfortable for a while, or that there might be some pain. He said imagine that you cut your hand open on something and the skin heals back over, but you still know you cut it if you hit it on something.

The cuff isn't in a very "accessible" area, and since you bled for so long, you're probably just healing slower.

My heart goes out to you, and I'm thankful that your DH is being so supportive for you.

Since your hubby is being so supportive, I think you have nothing to worry about. Give it some more time, and try again. Besides, there are many ways to please and be pleased...no sense in taking the risk of being in pain or huring yourself.

One day at a time...don't try to rush things.

Eyes,
I want to remind you of the blessing of alcohol as well! I would never have made it through the first time without a little intoxication. It wasn't so much the pain factor as my own nerves about the whole thing.

As far as something to put between you.....Hmmmm. Well, the first thing that came to my mind is penile rings, although I am not sure they would actually prevent him from penetrating as much as remind him to stop at the rings. You would need more than one (I think) and I don't know how comfy that would be for him. Some of them are adjustable so you can adjust how tightly they fit. Just a thought.

Be patient. In the *big* picture you are still very early on in your recovery.

Hugs,
Jo