Inconsiderate husband

I have been fighting my problems for 10 - 11 years. My husband and I have been together since the beginning of my problems. Now that my doctor has decided to do the surgery, I go home and tell him and all he can say is "I am only worried about the after effects" ---"menopaus". I said they are leaving my ovaries. He says "are you sure"? and "oh thank goodness." What is up with this?? I told him to stop listening to the men he works with because they fill his head with crap. "Oh and by the way "Thanks for the support". What is gonna happen if they get in there and have to take my ovaries. Any suggestions??? I don't even know what to say. My surgery is next week and he hasn't even said if he is taking me or even going? He has been off work most of the summer due to injuries (his own stupidity) and it's a big deal for me to miss a few days!!! He has never been a great help but "OH MY GOSH" this is unbeleivable. Shows how considerate he is. "HELP"!!!!!!!! Am I the only person married to someone like this? I am just in shock over this. Not to mention the nervousness of the surgery in just a few days. I've gone thru alot on my own but this I need support. I just feel like I do.

I'm sorry that things are not going the way you planned, is your DH normally supportive? it could just be the way he is coping now that the surgery has finally come round Men are strange in the way they deal with things at the best of times! You also say he has injuries are they still bad, as this could be another reason. I'm just clutching at straws here. But one thing I do know is that you are not alone through this you will have the support of all the Sisters here wishing you all the best for next week and a painfree speedy recovery. Just keep your chin up we are all rooting for you!

Love and Huggles Lynne

My DH is usually very supportive; however when I told him of the surgery he got a little funny.

His mother "went through her changes and never came out of it". That's all he could think of that I was going to turn out like his mother.

We discussed the situation in counseling and he is much better now that he understands. The section "for men" helped him understand what light work is He acted that way because he was scared and confused. Once he was educated he is much better.

No he is rarely supportive. Maybe in some ways but not many. I have to have family come and stay with me because he will NOT do ANY housework or ANYTHING....to help. I guess that is just he way he is but I thought he might be a little more considerate. Thanks for the support. I really appreciate it and need it.

Oh yes I can totally sympathize with you. My x (noticed I said my X) No matter what everything revolved around him! If I was sick or injured it did not matter I better take care of everything by myself. The man I have now is sweet and caring, I never thought there were men out there like that. I wish I had known about this website when I had my bout with cervical cancer. I sure could have used the friendship that I found here. We are there for you.

Thanks Mareze, Nice to know I am not the only one. I tried to make him my "X" for the past few years, he tells me he won't leave and won't leave me alone. We try to work out our marriage, with our daughter but sometimes>>>>> ugh. Thank you. Love the sisters and this site. I am so glad I found it. Could do this all day. Great support and friendship here. Hope all that needs it can find it. Will be referring it.

Hi connie,

I am sorry your DH is not being supportive.
Sometimes men don't understand about this surgery and here false information about it from others. You might make a copies of the information we have here for men so he can be more informed :

http://www.misterhystersisters.com/

Also there is a very helpful site that may help you and your DH relationship: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/

Do you have a relative that can come and help you after your surgery? or a good friend? You are not alone with having a DH that is not being very helpful as this seems to be more common than was thought.

We are here for you and hope you can at least help him understand it is scarey having this surgery and you need his support.

s

Connie,
I'm sorry you feel like you are going through this alone! My DH has never been an overly affectionate person, and he deals with things on a very matter of fact level, so sometimes he seems very cold. And while I know that he doesn't mean to be, it still bothers me!

But hopefully you will find the comfort and understanding that you deserve right here!

Wishing you the best with your surgery. And don't be afraid to tell your DH EXACTLY how you feel - why you are upset - what you are afraid of. Perhaps he is totally MISSING the fact that you are scared and feeling alone. Men can be rather dense sometimes!

All the best!
s
Cortney

Lots of hugs for you ... I'm in a very similar situation. I'm not sure what I'm worried about more ... the actual surgery, or being stuck at home and dependant on him for a few weeks. UGH.

Connie -
Me again! lol I also wanted to say........if they take your ovaries, so be it. That doesn't make you any less of a woman!!! And menopause can be dealt with - you have the option of using HRT, or going through it without HRT...but at least you will be educated. If he brings it up again, ask him what he would do if he had to have his testicles removed due to a medical condition??? Sure he would be unhappy about it (as are you) but it wouldn't make him any less of a man! Well........ on second thought..... heeheee. Maybe you shouldn't say that.

Good luck, sweetie!