Need Some Encouragement

Hi ladies,

At the young age of 29, I am 10 days post-op. After being diagnosed with stage 1B1 cervical cancer, surgery was my only option. My doctor was hoping to do a radical trachelectomy, but found an enlarged (and cancerous) lymph node during surgey, so a total abdominal radical hysterectomy is what I had. I am still trying to deal with the fact that I am recently engaged, and we won't ever be able to have children of our own. With 5 weeks of radiation and chemo in my future, along with planning my wedding, does anyone have any words of wisdom? I am so glad I have found this site to help me in the coming months.

Lisa

Hi Lisa.

I can totally relate with you. I was diagnosed with advanced uterine cancer 6 months ago at the age of 30 and without any kids of my own. I also am looking forward to wedding/marriage.

My fiance and I always discussed having kids one day. So this all came as quite a shock to me. We may not have been ready to have kids for a while, but it was nice to know that I had that option as a woman. It still makes me sad at times, but I realized a couple things... being a mother is more than sharing genes and there are so many unfortunate children that need a family. I also realized through seeing others with kids and what they go though that hmmm... maybe not having any screaming monsters is a good thing! So I try to spoil and have fun with everyone else's kids knowing that I can hand the crying child back to their parents at the end of the day! (Sneaky me!) So with time it has gotten easier for me, and it has helped that my fiance has been so supportive of me as well.

In terms of your treatment... I had radiation and chemotherapy as well. The radiation apt is painless and quick- it's just a drag going in every day for a month! The side effects are manageable. I feared how chemo was going to be- but that too was very manageable.

Another tough thing for me was discussing all of this with my fiance and what it means for our future together. You should be open with your discussions about this I think... it was hard because I didn't know what would happen and if he still wanted to be with me, but he's a wonderful person and has been my biggest supporter, and that has meant a lot. I try to live the best that I can every day and not put my life on hold. Although our plans were postponed a few months because of the diagnosis/treatment, my intention is still the same- to be with the person that I love for the rest of my life.

So maybe you could use the extra time waiting at those apts, and those doctors!, to plan your wedding stuff. Heck, I read War and Peace in a month from all the waiting I had to do at apts!

Best wishes to you. Don't hesitate to email me anytime.
-Millie

Hi Lisa,
It is really not fair for someone soo young to be diagnosed with cancer. However, on the bright side, it was caught early and although you did have to have a hysterectomy, my bet is that you and your future husband are going to make the very best adoptive parents any child could have asked for.
Planning a wedding is a very exciting time. I helped plan my son and daughter in laws wedding while I was undergoing treament. It really helped me stay focused and forget, at least for a while the whirlwind that my life was in.
I wish you all the best in your journey.
Rosalie

Dear Redhead, Probably one of the best things that has happened with me as I visit this site is that I realize that whether you're at this site or not, what we are experiencing is life. It comes in all kinds of variations and I actually find myself owning my own troubles as special to me and mine. This diagnosis is ust (my letter after 'i' isn't working after I somehow threw a cup of tea across my laptop keyboard last night!) one of those odd twists on my life path. of course (my capital 'o' doesn't work, either) you are sad and have every right to want loving support during this hard time (bad enough to have the outcome, but to be not oneself when coping with it is harder still.) I hope that those close to you are sensitive and caring and that as you carry this sadness throughout your life,you will remember this as a time when you were challenged to look into your self and your heart and your values and family and friends, and that you are able to see your blessings as well. I pray that you will weather this with a sense that it has added to the fullness of your life.

Life has ways of getting better as you go along, even when you think it can't. Life has surprises, and most are good ones. Cancer gave me a deeper love of life. Still, it's nothing anyone wants to have. I had it, and now it's gone.

The external radiation was five weeks, with weekends off. Just go in, lie on the table for a few minutes, sometimes with the tech. using tickly markers on my belly! I liked that. And we had good music piped in. It was a pleasant experience, as the staff was great, the patients became friends, since we were all in the same boat and chose to get to know one another. I came out thinking, man,it seems like most everyone has cancer.

The rad. nurses have something for your every question or need. I found that I needed a nap every day. I got kind of raw in the sit-down areas, and the belly. You don't get that til you've been going a while. Anyway, things heal up afterward, and your body just loves to heal, regenerate and become stronger!

Imodium was my constant companion in my purse, if I knew I had to be out and about, and didn't want any diarrhea surprises. I used the tiny little pill. The liquid tasted awful and was inconvenient.

Rather than have a special diet, I just used the Imodium and ate whatever I wanted.

I got some clear, 100% aloe vera gel (no alcohol) at the drug store. Made by Nature's Bounty, I think. A small bottle goes a long way. The rad. nurses tell you what you can use for this or that.

The five weeks passed quickly, and that is behind you. I feel fantastic. Now, if I didn't have this arthritis that I've had since my 30s, I'd feel like a kid.

Hi Redhead - (I'm another redhead sister -- strawberry blonde!)

I'm so sorry you have to deal with a cancer diagnosis and grieve the loss of your ability to bear children at the same time. Be good to yourself and allow yourself to rest, cry and talk as much as you need during the next months. There are other young women on this site who were/are in the same place as you to whom you can reach out; you might find they have an understanding of your thoughts and emotions that your best friends and relatives don't/can't have unless they've been through the same things.

This may not be the time to bring this up, but I'm going to throw it out there because it might be the only chance I have. A young friend of mine who has had three painfully sad failed pregnancies called last night with the news that she and her husband are now the proud foster parents of two children (ages 1 and 2, sister and brother) and their chances of being able to adopt these children are very good. They are ecstatic!

You may not be ready to hear this yet, but tuck it back into your mind for future reference: there are ways that you and your husband-to-be can still become loving parents.

Love and hugs and healing thoughts!

Hi Lisa

I'm so glad you found us. No one needs to go through this alone. We've all had the same emotions as you and we understand what you're feeling!

I am 42 but was dx'ed while starting fertility assessment, so I know what a shock that 180 degree mental turnaround can be.

Things will get better, believe me. Take one day at a time and don't think about too many what if's at the same time.

Don't be shy to ask for help (any kind) if you need it, and that includes counseling. Healing your spirit is just as important as healing your body, so talk to your friends, family, clergy, peer support group, psychiatrist, whatever you feel comfortable with - or all of them if you want! You''ll be amazed at how kind everyone will be, I was! My co-workers and neighbours were also amazingly comforting.

I am so happy you have an upcoming wedding to plan for, that will help you immeasurably, I'm sure. Having happy things to look forward to is key!

And, as others have said, when you have had time to grieve and settle into your new married state, you can start to plan for a different kind of family if you still want to. My husband and I are planning to adopt once things settle down, and in spite of my Mum who told me I'm "too old"... (yes I know - just what I needed to hear on top of everything else, thanks a lot!).

a Big Hug to you!

Hi, Red, and welcome to Hystersisters. Gee, I am so sorry to hear of all that you are going through. This is so tough for all of us but I think it must be especially so when you are so young.

I was 45 when diagnosed. I had ovarian cancer and uterine cancer. I was married at 42 for the second time and my dh and I were in the process of adopting a little girl. (I never had any children from my first marriage.)

Anyway, long story short, we did end up adopting a beautiful little girl. She came home to live with us just before her first birthday (and right when I was getting all my strength back after treatment). She is my daughter as truly as any birth child would be. I cannot imagine having any stronger feelings for her.

My suggestion is this: If you have a God in your life, TRUST him/her and stay POSITIVE. I truly believe that God has a plan for me and that plan unfolds in my life every day.

Good luck to you, hon. Know that we are here for you and will help you in any way we can. God bless,

Thank you all for your words of wisdom and support. It is so comforting to know that I have all of these wonderful women who know exactly what I'm going through. I look forward to getting to know all of you better as I make my way through this part of my life.

Lisa