When will they stop????

Hi, I haven't been to this site for a little while. In 2003 I had a hysterectomy and then my mother was diagnosed with cancer and had to have one too, so since I had been there, done that Mum kept asking me what to expect and hopefully I helped her a bit.

Anyway after the hysterectomy and then radiotherapy she still ended up with the cancer spreading, although they didn't know for 9 months as the blood tests etc kept saying clear for cancer.

Mum died on the 4th of January, 2005, I have cried EVERY day since and it doesn't take much to set me off, a song, a flower, a thought......When will the tears stop???

This time last year Mum was in the hospice, we (all 28 of us) had Christmas day in the hospital's cafeteria with Mum at the head of the table in her bed.....she was so, so weak but even though she hadn't eaten in over a week at that stage she still managed to eat a tiny piece of everything we had, all of about 2 desertspoons full.

While we were having lunch today with our Grandmother, Mum's mother, our stomachs felt sick with the pain of Mum not being here and the memories of her trying to eat and swollow her meal. At the end of the day when we took her back to her room she told us all "Kids I am so sorry I can't do this any more I am too tired" she closed her eyes that night and slept until she died 10 days later.

I miss her so much and it hurts daily, I have been crying so much and yet I know that it really doesn't do anything and I get the "you should be over it by now, it has been nearly a year"......Am I wrong to still miss her this much? What am I meant to do about the tears that won't stop??

Sorry for such a long post, I just needed to let it out.

Thankyou
Jennylee

So sorry to hear about your loss. Seems like special events like holidays make it harder sometimes. All wounds seem to heal in their own time frame... each day a little better (or not) than the one before. This is a good place to find soft shoulders and warm hugs though.
I am about to collapse from no sleep (again), but will say a prayer for you before...and remember you also on 01-04... easy to remember for me.

Kate

JennyLee,
I'm so sorry you lost your mother. Moms are so special and saying goodbye is such a hard thing to do One of my favorite places to go for comfort is called Journey of Hearts . I pray you and your family can find solace in the love your mother instilled in your hearts. Stick close to your grandmother... losing a child is so painful. She's going to always need you and you, her.

Dear Jennylee:

I once heard grief described as a shoebox full of memories on a closet shelf. Every so often, you hear a song or see a date on the calendar or something else happens to remind you of your loss, and you need to get down that shoebox and go thru the memories... it's comforting and important to the healing of your heart. You will always have that shoebox, it's a part of you now.

So, Jennylee, take that *shoebox* off the shelf whever you need to, and find comfort in the memories.

I hope your heart feels better soon. I am sending huge cyberhugs to you.

Thank you for posting this, opening your heart this way. Before finally giving in to sleep yesterday morning I thought of you, prayed about your situation... and instead of the bad dreams I was avoiding, I slept peacefully. I'm not so sure that would have happened if you had not posted when you did... so I appreciate it. Wishing you comfort on painful days and many good memories of happier times, much joy in the new year.

Thank you all for your replies. I have often wondered through this year if things have been made slightly harder because I am my grandmothers carer, I go to her home daily and do all the necessary things....washing, making sure she has had her medications etc, etc. My grandmother has lost all 3 of her children, one at 10 days old, one at 13 years old and then mum, even though she had just turned 65 she was still Nana's child.....nobody should lose a child before they die, let alone all 3 children.

I have cried yet again several times today. Nana had forgotten that it was Christmas day yesterday, I think she is thinking about mum too much and it is affecting her....as you would expect it to. My mother had died on what would have been her brothers birthday had he still been alive, I am not sure if that makes it extra hard on Nana or not. The day I had to go and tell Nana that mum had died she asked me what the date was...when I told her it was the 4th she stopped dead in her tracks....all I could say was "Maybe Malcolm wanted his sister there with him for this birthday." I didn't know what else to say and I think that that is how I like to think of it.

Karlene, that site is a lovely one and helpful too, thanks.

Twysmilng, I really love the idea of a shoebox full of memories. I know that the shoebox is full of all sorts of memories and at the moment it seems to be constantly off the shelf. I have been VERY fortunate that most of my memories have been really good ones and perhaps that why it hurts so much, it may have been different if I hadn't had such a great life with my mother and the upbringing I had.

km_wish_star, I am glad that you had a peaceful sleep, perhaps my mother watched over you as you slept since you were kind enough to think of me and offer a helping word. Thank you.

I do know things will get easier but geez it seems so hard at times.

Jennylee

I didn't mention why it would be easy to remember what will be a difficult day for you before, but since it is also your Mum's brother's birthday I will fess up... we share that day. Maybe that was why. The sleep sure was good!
Hang in there sweetie! Care taking is a tough job--lots of stress whether it always feels that way or not.
s
Kate