scared of becoming bitter & mean.

I'm scared of becoming this mean & bitter person who is envious of every women who can bear children. I've had to deal with infertility for years & have had 4 misscarriages & a failed first marriage as a result. No luck having children in my second marriage & now I've had a hysterectomy because of endometrial cancer. I suppose I should be grateful that no further treatment was required, but I do feel angry at my life in general & feel that I must have been cursed by some evil fate. I keep asking why me? I feel like God has abandoned me. I don't see the purpose to my life anymore & I picture myself in the future surrounded by cats for company. I don't want to hear anything about adoption, because unfortunately only the rich can adopt with the crazy costs.

I'm worried about some of the same things. Last month, the first baby in my group of friends was born. It's been so hard to see her and the baby and look at pictures of this life I will never have. I worry it will only get worse as time goes by and all my friends and my little sister have children. I don't want to be bitter and envious - but it does feel terribly unfair and it hurts so much.

My heart goes out to you. I wish I could take away your pain, I know that I can't. I can listen and let you know that you aren't alone. Big s and

Thanks pipercreek
I also understand what you're going through as I've been following your posts as well. Life can be pretty cruel but sometimes it helps knowing we're not alone.

mori

I truly empathize with your current sadness and anger: I also think those feelings are part of a healthy grieving process .

Have you considered volunteering? There are so many agencies looking for people to help with various programs. I think it's a good way of using all the love and caring you have in your heart for people in need .

"We are warriors" said my GYN/ONC med secretary and we will make it through.

s and

I'm sorry you're hurting so much.

For what it's worth, I don't believe you've been cursed. I believe you are a valuable human being and that you have much to give.

I just think this is what happened to you. Some things that happen in this life are good, other things are bad. And some things that happen are downright tragic, which is what you're dealing with right now. But you and I both know there are other people dealing with this and similar sadness -- and I don't think those people are cursed, either.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that, at one time or another, everybody deals with "something" in their life. For some it's the end of a marriage, or the loss of a close friend or relative. In your case, it's a bittersweet "something" in that you've gotten some encouraging health news yet you're having to face the loss of your fertility.

For now, I think just being able to name that which is causing you so much pain is a tremendous step forward for you, and for that I am very proud of you. You can't get past it if you don't walk through it -- as hard as it is.

We're here whenever you need a shoulder to cry on.

I'm so sorry you feel so down. Iost my beautiful 18 year old son in a horrible car crash four years ago. I too hoped I wouldn't become a mean and bitter old women. With God's grace I haven't. I lost my indentity and hope when he died the day before mothers day. I also wondered what I had done to deserve this. We all question things in our lives but the main thing in life is to know this life is just a small amount of the total time we exhist. Trust in God's will. Stay strong. You never know who may need you in their life. Also I never knew my biological father. My mother had a H trying to have children with her second husband. My step father raised me and my two brothers as his own. They never had children. I could have never ask for a better dad. I pray God's peace for you. Focus on the small things. They are so important.

Thanks for all the kindness & God bless all you wonderful ladies for caring enough to put your own sadness aside &for reaching out to help me. Your support is truly a Godsend.

Dear Mori,
I am so sorry you have had to endure all this pain. I too have had a hyst due to endometrial cancer, although they found none after they removed my uterus and biopsied all the tissue. So I am unable to have children for nothing. Anyway, I am telling you this to let you know I can truly relate to how you feel about your hyst. But you will not become bitter because all this pain will make you stronger. And when you are ready, you will use your mothering feelings in a positive way. I am sure of that. It will take time and lots of hard work to get through what you are feeling now, but eventually it will happen in one form or another. Please know that we are out here listening and wish you many blessings. nancy

What doesn't kill us does make us stronger.

Sweetie,
I am so sorry that this has all happened and that it has robbed you of your dreams. I think it is important to allow yourself to go through the grieving process, as this is a loss. Losses hurt and they take a toll. I agree with what several of our sisters have said here especially MJ:

	Quote:
Originally Posted by mjd2491 I'm sorry you're hurting so much. For what it's worth, I don't believe you've been cursed. I believe you are a valuable human being and that you have much to give. I just think this is what happened to you. Some things that happen in this life are good, other things are bad. And some things that happen are downright tragic, which is what you're dealing with right now. But you and I both know there are other people dealing with this and similar sadness -- and I don't think those people are cursed, either. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that, at one time or another, everybody deals with "something" in their life. For some it's the end of a marriage, or the loss of a close friend or relative. In your case, it's a bittersweet "something" in that you've gotten some encouraging health news yet you're having to face the loss of your fertility. For now, I think just being able to name that which is causing you so much pain is a tremendous step forward for you, and for that I am very proud of you. You can't get past it if you don't walk through it -- as hard as it is. We're here whenever you need a shoulder to cry on.

I can tell you that it is getting through the hurt that is "bittersweet" that is the most difficult. It is the bittersweet things that are the most important things to us. I can tell you that in retrospect I feel even worse for those who do not have anything to feel bittersweet about. That would have made me bitter and mean. Yes it hurts as nothing I can describe to work through bittersweet hurts... but I am stronger for it and I am not bitter because I of it.