Decisions

GoLightly,
What a horrible decision to have to make. I am so sorry. You have so much to mourn right now. Your cancer, your life being torn upside down, and the loss of your dream to have a child. I am so very, very, very, sorrry. My heart aches for you. Allow yourself time to mourn and don't expect too much of yourself. Try to take it one day at a time and cry just as much as you need to cry. You won't go crazy, even if it feels like you are. You'll get through this, one day at a time, step by step by step.

Hugs hugs and much comfort,
Janie

Thank you so much everyone, I really appreciate it. I think having other people who understand around really helps - a lot of people I know still haven't grasped the enormity of it all and keeps saying well meaning things about how there still might be a chance and while I know they mean well it's hard not to want to punch them!

Today I went to the hospital and we have dates now. I'm in on Thursday for tests and then radio starts on 16 Feb (hubby's birthday!) - 25 treatments. And on 23 Feb I have the first of 4 chemo treatments (cisplatin). Thankfully they have decided that as there is no residual cancer I won't need internal radiation. This is a big relief to all as apparently it's hard to insert the probe after a trachelectomy (he just did one and commented that it was nerve wracking for all involved).

I had acupuncture today, and it always makes me feel better - plus he told me that my immune system is very strong at the moment, which is good as I had such a bad time after surgery. They are going to see me through chemo etc.



Z xxx

Zoe - Who told you that your immune system is strong right now and how could that person tell? in there! It's amazing how quickly those treatments fly by; it's now over a year since I had radiation, and the whole thing (being away from home for seven wks during the week) just doesn't seem like it really happened. Best of everything to you!

(((Zoe)))
I hope now having a concrete plan to make insure you are cancer free is helping a little. I am glad you do not have to do the internal treatments.
While you know the decision you made was best given all the circumstance, it did not make it the least bit easier and emotions can and will weigh on us for some time. I also think somehow we may grow stronger by moving through such difficult decisions and struggles.
Please let us know how your treatments go and how you are doing.
s

Ann - it was my acupuncturist. They are an interesting tream - a father and son. They are Vietnamese and the father came here after the war - he was a surgeon and practised as such here before he retired when he set up his acupuncture practise. His son is also an MD and practises both western and Chinese medicine (acupuncture).

I don't exactly know how they do it, but it's all to do with pulse and kidney function. The funny thing is I can see I'm like both my maternal and paternal grandmothers who lived and are living til a ripe old age and refused to die until it was their turn. My dad's mother has had several strokes, severe arthritis and demetia and is 89. She just won't go. Perhaps it's really a strong constitution. In Australia (where I'm from originally) my family would be described as "battlers" - thank goodness for strong (female) gene pool!

I look so well that people don't believe I'm fighting cancer - I even get dirty looks at the hospital

Well, then, I'm going to be a battler, too. Last weekend, I went to see my gram who will be 100 in March. She told me she's ready to go but she's not in any real hurry.

So - here's to all of us battlers!

Battle your way right through your treatments and on to a cancer-free life, Zoe!

Count me in on this list of "battlers". I have an army of fight in me still, look out tumour, I mean business!!!!

So sorry to hear about your visit to the infirtility specialists. I can't say I know how you feel as I have three kids, but I sure can imagine how hard all this is for you.

Which ward do you go for your chemorad treatments? I was on Wiltshaw Ward last week and will be there again after a spell on the CCU after my surgery.

You never know we may cross paths at some stage since your treatment starts soon. I've seen your pics on your blog so I know who to look out for.

Take care, don't worry about the treatment, it'll soon be over and you can put all of this behind you.

Bye for now,
Love
Kayla
xxxxx

Ann and Kayla - both of you are definately battlers!!

Kayla, I was on Wiltshire too! Bed 16! I'll be in the Marsden tomorrow and everyday from the 16th, so can try and find you. And bring chocolate.

Z xx

Wish I could across the ocean and join the two of you battlers as you fight the beast! Thinking of both of you daily! Keep us all posted, please! Take care!!!

Well, clever Kayla spotted me in the hospital corridors today - I was very tired and distracted and it was a long day, but I think we BOTH were.

Gosh it was exciting to meet a "sister"

Hugs

Z xx