Any advise on step-daughter's visit?

My DH got a phone call last night that his 22 year old daughter (from his first marriage) is coming to visit for over a week and it happens to be the week prior to my TAH. I get along with her but have only met her once (she lives at the other end of the country). I don't want to sound selfish but I find her timing bad. As the time approaches for my surgery, I am getting more and more nervous about it, and the last week prior to is when I was planning on getting my house ready and everything else. Now I will have to play hostess! I also wanted to spend special time with my DH but we will be entertaining her. Her plan ticket is already bought and is non-refundable. I wouldn't be comfortable asking her for help around the house. I also worry how things will be in the house with my four teenagers and their step-sister, who they don't really know. I am so upset, I can't stop crying. My DH is so excited that she is coming. Am I being selfish for feeling this way? Your advise would be welcome. thanks!

Bless your heart. What a time for her to visit. She is going to have to realize you are upset and worried about your upcoming event. It is funny how we find strength to do these things. Be as gracious as you can. You can do this. If you can make it through this you will be grateful later. Ask her for help you might be surprised how she will feel more welcome. Good Luck Norskyll

What a time for a visit! I think you will still have time to get yourself ready- I was so busy with work just before surgery sorting it all out for my absence that I thought I'd never be ready. Actually I was glad to be very busy! Teenagers will impress you- my daughter can now use the washing machine which she couldn't before- and is still carrying things up or down stairs for me without complaining. I am so impressed. You'll be fine.

Frenchie,

You have every right to be upset, the one thing you had control over was taken away from you. Sometimes you have to wonder what in the heck everyone is thinking. The only consolation is that it probably wasn't intentional on your step daughter's part and since she's in her 20's probably has no clue what your are going through otherwise she wouldn't be coming the week prior to your surgery.

I had friends who kept calling trying to get me to go to social functions this week prior to my surgery and I told them up front that the stress of the surgery did not make me good company and I had so many loose ends to tie up prior to surgery there just wasn't time. Some were accepting while others were offended...but the truth will set you free. Perhaps you DH could inform DSD that she's welcome and everyone is excited about her visit, but she should be aware that everyone is under stress from the surgery and that you had previously planed things that had to be done this week and hope that she won't feel neglected while you complete some tasks that have to be finished.

I'll keep you in my prayers as you pick through this mine field! Just remember that you are going to have to come first, this time. Your peace of mind should be everyone's priority.

Peace!!!

I have a DSD who is 13, and understand your anxiety. I know her well because she lived with us for 4 yrs. but every time she is coming over I get freaked. Once shes here I am fine, and our 2 kids love her to visit (for short periods of time only) I would guess that because shes not around much your kids will be curious about her and will do all the entertaining for you!!! I would go about doing what you planned and let your DH know your a little anxious because of upcoming surgery and wanting to get things ready, and hope he can pick up some of the slack so you can do what you need to do. I would also suggest that maybey he could do a few things at night the previous week to help you get ready for her visit. Plan the meals, do some extra cleaning.
Talk her up to the teens, get them excited about spending time with their sister so it will take the pressure off of you.
Shes an adult, and a women now. You might find that you connect on a whole other level. Now that my DSD is a teen we have a different relationship, and she also goes home!!!
I truly understand how you are feeling. Its such an emotional time for you right now, and the added stress isn't helping. My niece who I love dearly wanted to come the week before my surgery with her 2 kids, one is 6, and I used to take her for months at a time, the other is a newborn. I would love to have them, but I always take care of them when they are visiting, and am not up to that. My niece, god love her, turns my house into tornado with her 10 suitcases, and doesn't pick up after herself lol.
Take a deep breath..........tell yourself you are not overreacting, and have every right to feel its bad timing, but it is out of your control.............enlist your DH and kids to help and explain your anxiety to them, letting them know its not her your worried about its just you have a lot going on.............and ask god to help you get through the week. You might find that the distraction keeps your mind occupied and not worrying.
Hope this helps,
HUGS
Donna

p.s. I go through this everytime my MIL is going to visit too....arghhhh

This may be a little off topic, but speaking of being a step parent, does anybody know of a good site where I can chat about step parenting issues? I realy struggle being one, and all the problems that come with it. Thanks!

Hi Frenchie1960,

I am a step-parent to a 18 yr. old DD. I would say postpone the visit if she were a teenager (too much DRAMA!!). Since she is 22, and more mature, it could work.

And...this is major surgery for you. You need the mental, emotional and physical mindset to get ready for surgery. Having a guest - even a step DD - could be emotionally demanding. I say, "you're the Queen...and she is the Princess" so you make the call. A visit could be rescheduled. Preparation for surgery is a one-time thing. It comes down to what works best for ~you~.

Best wishes,

Mary

Maybe you could turn it into a positive by using her visit as a distraction. Depending on where you live and what she is used to maybe your area has all kinds of shopping or museums and stuff that your family could all do together. I know the week before my surgery was all about me and what I wanted to do so I went shopping, got my nails done, got my hair cut and colored, went out to dinner to places we always wanted to try but hadn't yet. Things like that might really be fun with a 22 year old. As for getting the house ready...hire out!!